Surreality

Surreality

Does your life after WLS sometimes seem surreal to you?  The differences in my life from where I was less than 2 years ago continue to astonish me.  Physical things are so much easier.  I have more energy, my clothes actually fit, I eat less, but I enjoy my food more, I relish physical activity…and the list goes on.   Emotional experiences are far more intense now that I don’t eat for comfort or to numb myself...the joy I feel when those around me are happy, the sadness I feel when those I care about are troubled, the pain I feel when someone treats me poorly, or the gratitude I feel toward those who have reached out to me are all right at the surface, ready to come pouring out at any moment. 

I have become the man of many faces; by turns happy, sad, frustrated, joyful, etc., often over the course of the same day.  The people I see on a regular basis must wonder just who the hell I am and what have I done with the calm guy who used to be a lot heavier.  That guy no longer exists, except in fading memories.  This new guy, the one that is more true to himself, fits into some of the old, familiar places, but not so well in others. At times, it is most disconcerting; rather like watching yourself become a bewildered character in an episode of the old “Twilight Zone" TV show.    

I have been trying to make some sense of it all and, as a result, I have begun the process of re-orienting my life.  It is a path forward, however uncertain, and I know I must press onward over time.  There are some days, like today, after having intentionally invited some of the sadness of others to wash through me over the course of the last few days, that I wish things were more settled, that I didn’t have to worry about bursting out in tears if something else upsets me, yet  being an overly-sensitive, empathetic person is a part of me that I no longer want to deny, especially to myself.  Those gifts will help define whatever and whomever I am meant to be, even if I can’t quite see what that is.

RP