Sorry this is long and whiney!

Let me say that I am sorry for comming here and bring such depressing thoughts today, but I just did not know what to do. It seems like everything just hit me this morning and I feel like I am going thru the worst crying jag ever. I know that there are worse people out there going thru so many life threating things and they are sick and are alot worse than I am. Usually I tell myself everytime I think I am having problems that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, and there are people going thru so much pain, sickness, etc. that I should feel how lucky I am instead of being so depressed, usually I regroup and get over it but I just cant do it today. I was doing so good about how lucky I am that things are going so quick for me with trying to have WLS. I didn't realize it until people were pointing it out to me. I am glad they did this but then I started to feel really bad for people when I realized how hard and long some have been trying just to get an appointment with the Dr. I know I dont know if I will be able to have this yet, but I started to feel guilty about it. Then yesterday, (it been almost 3weeks since I had a cig.) the smoking cravings when thru the roof. I have been so careful about eating, (I have lost 11lbs since seminar), even using sugar free candy (never ate before) for smoking cravings. Not once have I cheated with cig., first I started my period, (I only have 4-5 times a year due to beginnings of menopause) this is where I tell myself God has a sense of humor with woman, periods and menopause! then the cravings for chocolate, cigs. everything bad. Then stupid DH starts saying" Well if your having such a hard time today, you shouldn't have surgery it will never work and you will never lose weight". He knows the WLS is just a tool, its not easy, you have bad days! Well, I thought he knew, I thought he was trying to help me help myself. Then the *&%#!!, brings home crispy cream doughnuts after work! What the hell, he seemed so supportive of this WLS. He knows how hard I'm trying. Old math, "Crispy Cream doughnuts + Period + menopause = Happy Me! New math "Crispy Cream doughnuts + Period + menopause = dead husband. He sez "Hey why dont you just quit all this surgery stuff, and have a dughnut. Then he goes out side and smokes a cig. where I can see him! Okay, I'm rantng I know sorry. I feel so mad, hurt, etc. What happened to him? I tried to ask him later what was going on? Was he scared of surgery, something else worrying him. He says, "I just thought you might wants some doughnuts"!!!!! I leave before he is wearing doughnuts. I step on scale this morning and have gained 12lbs. I havent weighed in almost a week. Now I am scared because I have appointment on 5th of April and I read on a post here that if you have gained weight since your seminar, Dr. Scott will not do surgery. I am so upset. I cant stop thinking about a cig, I cant stop crying, then I come into work this morning, my 100lb sister in law asked what my problem is so I kinda tell her about the cig thing, (hopeful she will step outside to smoke, says"Well, why dont you just show some will power and quit eating so much and you will lose weight then she lights a cig right in front of me! Thanks for letting me vent here. It seems no one understands how hard this is, making life long commitments. I am so glad I have a place to vent. Thanks for listening and putting up with this long post. Susan

So sorry sweetheart, but dont let things get the better of you,this doesnt last..maybe hubby is just a little insecure about your surgery, I know some men are, they dont want you to change, they dont understand that it is for the best for you to feel healthy and happy. You may need to go to your doctor for something to help you thru this menopause. it is not our fault we have a weight problems we dont have the tools that our smaller counterparts have. that is why the surgery helps us. you have already overcome a big one, putting the cigs. down. your weight jump is because your stressed and your menopause, just hang in there and you will drop that in a few days... I will have you in my prayers...vesta

Susan, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!! I'm glad you did vent here because there are manytimes on this journey that you may feel like we are the only ones you CAN get support from. We've all had days like this!! I could tell you very similar things I've been through....I have a husband who's got a perfect body, practically no body fat, lots of muscle and he eats cookies at midnight...Wendy's burgers and fries....candy bars....Pepsi's ona and on......granted he DOES work his body hard physically to burn off those calories but he's got a HIGH metabolism and always has and I could eat what he eats and be 20 pounds heavier in a month! It's just WRONG! When I was pre-op he'd give me "looks" if I ate something fattening, or better yet tell me to do some sit-ups instead of sitting online readign abotu WLS....it was one frustration after another and it took him a long time to be truely a "support" to me, in the way I needed him to be. He's wonderful now but we've been through some hell to get here! I had to just focus on ME and tune out the other's comments and surround myself with WLS friends thorugh support groups and online so that I could keep on the trail to be successful with WLS. Over and over I told those who were bringing me down that if they could not say something SUPPORTIVE then keep their mouths shut. That didn't always work with Jim cause his idea of being supportive was offensive to me.... And others in the family and even some friends thoguht I did NOT need the surgery and that I COULD lose the weight on my own if I REALLY tried. Only I kNEW all the diets I'd gone on, only to GAIN that back and MORE and only I could say WHAT I needed now! SOOOO, Susan, you put up your armor right now, don't let their actions and words bring you down, come here for your support if you aren't getting it elsewhere. After your period ends, maybe the pounds will go down again! Drink lots of water too!! That will help lose a few pounds. It's a tough road and there ARE lots of ups and downs but it IS worth it!!!! Sending you a big hug and prayers! "If he brings you to it, he'll bring you through it!" Tami

Thank you Vesta, you are such a nice and supportive person. I have seen you reply on many posts and always have such nice things to say. Thats why I am so glad for OH and all the great people here!

Tamara, as bad as this sounds I am glad others have gone thru some of the same things. I wish only good things for all but it helps to have real people who have been thru these things to offer advise and help. "Putting on your armor", thats a great idea, I forgot about that saying. I heard it the first time from Joyce Meyer. Thanks for reminding me. Feeling better already.

Good Moring Susan..... You are more than welcome to come here and vent. Everyone here has had a struggle at some time or another. I am soooo sorry DH has decided not to be supportive. But if you feel like this is the best thing for you PLEASE don't give up!!!!!! You can find support right here. There are going to be days that are harder than others. And if you slip on your diet or other things just pick your self back up and get back on track. As far as the weight gain.....My doctor is Dr.Scott too and I waited around 9 months after my seminar to decide for sure I wanted to go thru with the surgery. By the time I went to my first appt I had gained 20lbs!!!! They still took me as a patient and he never said a word to me! I have a very high BMI and I have too loose weight before my surgery, but they were real informative in how to do it. I have been on a liquid protein diet to work on loosing weight so I can have surgery. Let me tell you it has been no picnic and I have cheated more than once!!! At my 3 week mark I had lost 20 lbs! I have not weighed since the three weeks mark and I am going on 5 weeks this week. I haven't had a chance to go weigh lately, but I have been ok with that since I have slipped some lol lol....I figure I'm going to be upset with my self when I do get to weigh. But I plan on kicking myself in the but and getting right back on track. As for the smoking.....I smoke!!!! You have to be quit one month before surgery. So if you are just beginning the process you still have plenty time to work on the smoking part. Maybe you should talk to DH and tell him how much it would mean to have his support in this. Explain to him how much of a chanllenge it is going to be for you and that you might slip here and there but that does not mean you don't deserve this chance to get the help you need to loose weight. And his point on if you have a hard time making it now how are you going to be able to do it after surgery...It will be different after surgery. The surgery will give you the tool you need to help you loose weight. And from what I understand from others talking on here, after surgery your food desires and taste buds change and you don't have the desire for alot of foods you have now. I will be praying for you that things get better and that you find more strength to help you thru. I will pray that DH starts being more supportive and understanding too! God bless.................HUGS & LOVE........Tammy H

Dear Susan, My heart goes out to you, honey! I started a journal in the beginning of my official journey-and every single thing you just wrote-applies to a lot of us!! First, let me say.. I am proud of you for putting down the smokes. I had the worst time with that-and I quit-and like a moron, started back up! Shame on your SIL for doing that to you. Shame on your hubby for making those comments....BUT...a lot of people do NOT understand HOW we feel OR what we need from them....when you level out-sit and talk to him about what your expectations are from him and tell him...nothing against men-but a lot of them DONT UNDERSTAND our feelings or WHY WE WANT TO CHANGE...which could be a plus-because they love us fat-and they dont like changes. My hubby and I even (and he is my soulmate) had some issues over stupid comments he made-and to be totally honest-it was because he was scared. Would he ever admit that? probably not-but men do stupid things/make stupid comments when they are scared of the unknown! Thats why God gave us women the gift of gab-so we can all talk to each other and we understand (LOL) Right? I mean...most of them arent going to sit down and go-your changing and I am scared I will be one of those changes-would they? Not likely. Also-from my journal-I read back in the middle of July-I had quit soda (abt 6 pk of coke a day) I quit ALL sugar...and was quitting smoking-I was a wreck-I cried ALL the time for a couple of weeks-I felt guilty about how much time I was spending on ME and my tests and my journey-kind of felt selfish-and YES GUILTY....and when it was MY time of the month-HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS-cause the hormones were flying!! I am in no way saying that YOU are hormonal-what I am saying-is you are dealing with so much right now-cigs, sugar free stuff, period-holy crap, woman-you would have to be mother teresa to not be feeling upset. The weight gain-trust me-IT IS THE STRESS and your period-and IT WILL COME BACK OFF!!! You would be surprised at how much you gain during those times of the month and stressful situations. Please let me say-DONT GIVE UP...AND DONT EVER FEEL BAD ABOUT COMING HERE AND TALKING TO US- that is what we are here for-and most of us have been where you are....its gonna take awhile for all the nicotine, sugar and crap to get out of your system and for you to level out. Dont stress about your appt with Dr. Scott-if you havent taken the weight off by then, explain your female time of the month and they arent gonna say anything to you. But dont you give up! THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF....I had 3 of what I thought were best friends-and when I told them that I was having surgery-they too told me that I could do it myself-they even went as far as to tell me that IF I would just learn to love myself the way I was-I would be better off. They flat out told me that they could not support me. So, that being said-I quit talking to them, didnt feel like ANYONE understood me or what I was going through-I sure felt all alone. One day, one of the girls from our board came to lunch where I worked and told me of this website- I got on after lurking for awhile-and you know what? No matter what I was going through-people here cared about me, gave me advice and I still talk to most of them 2 years later and have met some of the best friends a person could ever have-and much better-they are like family to me-so surround yourself with good, uplifting people-and dont let those negative comments or people sway what you are doing for you. Its much better to be in the positive realm, than the negative-Tami is so right about that!! On that note-I am sitting here just 4 months post op, and down 118# and my life is the best its ever been-to me. I can live-I am happy-and not only is my appearance changing-but my soul is too-and to me, thats one of the best things about all of the journey-is that FROM EXPERIENCE-I can tell you-this is the BEST THING I have ever done for myself-EVER!! You will be sitting here typing this to someone in the future too-so hang on sister, and wipe away those tears-because you are so special, you are wonderful and you are going to be giving yourself and even your family, the best gift ever, you will see!!! Please email me if you need to talk some more-ok? Its [email protected] I would love to hear from you!!! Let me know if you need anything else-and how far are you from Springfield? We have the most awesome support group there...next meeting is Monday, the 26th at 6:30....I will be thinking and praying for you. Love ya, Janet

Wow you guy are great!!!! Way better than cigs and crispy cream doughnuts. LOL I feel so much better thanks to you all.

Hey Susan; Everything you are going through is normal. I think the weight gain is from your monthly time. Jus****er weight. As soon as you are through with it, I bet your 12 lbs will be gone. The donut things will not bother you as much after WLS due to the dumping. After 4 years of no sweets (I love sweets!) I do miss them but, I have such repercussion from eating sugar that I don't even try a bite. Be strong on the cigs....it is the best for you. We are all here for you and you welcome to whine any time you want. Hugs; Barbara in Freeman