Saturdays Humor

Gotta Love a Drunk.... A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.  The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband.  "It is 3 o'clock in the morning.”  He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?”  asked his wife.  "Just some drunk guy asking for a push!" "Did you help him?”  she asks.  "No.  I did not.  It is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!" His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?  You should be ashamed of yourself!"  The man gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.  He calls out into the dark, "Hello.  Are you still there?"  "Yes," comes back the answer.  "Do you still need a push?”  calls out the husband.  "Yes!  Please!”  comes the reply from the darkness.  "Where are you?”  asks the husband.  "Over here on the swing!”  replies the drunk

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Just minutes before the church services started the town's people were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"



The man replied, "Yep, sure do."



"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.



“Nope, sure ain't" said the man.



"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.



"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.



"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony forever?"



"Yep," was the calm reply.



"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.



"Nope."



More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"



The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 45 years."