Three for Sundays Humor

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however,
was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbours, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womaniser. The other
brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good
brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy
afterlife.

One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died
before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is
not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

I m sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him
and wish I could see him again."

"You can see him if you wish", God said "I will give you the power to
gaze into hell."

So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before
long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg
of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm
seeing.
I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a
beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that bad."

God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg
has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't.

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There was a man who lost one of his arms in an
accident. He became very
depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a
lot of things that
took two arms.

One day he had had it. He decided to commit
suicide.
He got on an elevator and went to the top of a
building to jump off. He
was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this
man skipping along,
whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked
closer and saw this man
didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here
feeling sorry for myself, I
still have on good arm to do things with. There
goes a man with no arms
skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with
his life.

He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He
told him how glad he
was to see him because he had lost one of his arms
and felt ugly and
useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked
him again for saving his
life and he knew he could make it with one arm if
that guy could go on
with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling
and kicking up his
heels again.

He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy ... my a** itches."

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FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house
together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the
bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know.
I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92
year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and
says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock
on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

that last one reminds me of me sometimes lol. :lol: