Am I wrong?

My daughter and her children came down for the day, today...it was a very nice visit! I was just a little shocked with something my daughter said to me and I just wondered what you guys would of thought. I had mentioned in earlier posts that I was trying to contact her about the issue I'm having (the lump) and that she was not returning my calls. I could just feel that she was upset with me and I was right.  The reason she said she was upset was that supposibly I had promised Timothy (my grandson) that I would be up to get him so he could stay with us for a week or so during his summer vacation. Yes, I did tell him that I really wanted him to come stay with us during the summer but...I didn't promise anything!  I had been trying for awhile but my daughter and her boyfriend's Mother have kept him busy with T-ball, socceer, karate, summer school and the movies, I didn't see where I would get a chance. Finally, we did get some time but unfortunately my health has kept me from getting Timothy down here. The last three weekends I had to call and say, not this weekend because...1st weekend-migraine/major back problems, second week-was in the middle of de-bugging the house and didn't feel it was safe for Timothy to be down here getting ate up with fleas or be around the pesticides/insecticides...3rd weekend-I had just found the lump and was a total basket case and didn't feel that Timothy needed to spend the weekend with his ball baby Grandma, especially with me not being ready to tell anyone, anything about what's going on and David was a wreck!  Each time, I called her as early as I could and told her....she said she got irritated with me because I was telling him that I was coming to get him and then was a no show, breaking his heart!  Well, that's not exactly how it went but we won't go there except for saying that I think it was more her wanting to get rid of him instead of him having his heart broken because he couldn't come down. I know he wants to be here, he would move in with us if he could!  The kicker was that, Monday I called her and told her about the lump, that we didn't know whether it was cancer or not but that it didn't sound good and I was bawling the whole time I was trying to talk to her...during the conversation I told her that I need her to tell Timothy that he couldn't come down but not to tell him about the lump. I told her to make up something if she had to!  He has had two tragedies happen recently with the 4 yr old boy that was shot and killed 4 houses down from his and his favorite wrestler ended up killing his family, then himself. I really didn't think it was time to tell the boy that his favorite Grandma may be dying!  I felt that with her being his Mom, his world, his soft spot to fall when all else goes wrong that it would be better coming from her instead of hearing it from his hysterically sobbing grandma. She said, that it wasn't right that I put it off on her. Aren't Moms supposed to kiss the booboos and make them go away? I figured she could take him to a movie, to get an ice cream, spend some time with him...giving me a little more time to pull myself together....guess I was wrong! She said that she already had too much on her plate to deal with and I should of been the one to tell him! She is starting a new job Monday, getting ready to start school in the fall, has two children and her bf might be doing a little time in the next few months because of a DUI he got. Oh and she's trying to plan a wedding with this guy....HELLO??? anyone home??  Wake up!! She has known him for 7 years and knows how he is and has put up with it and........now she's waking up to that headache that she has allowed to happen?  Besides, in her mind the only thing I have to worry about is this lump...ummm, I think thats more than enough on it's own! I mean....my life could be ending because of this but her issues are all that matter it seems......wait, nope! She did say that now she had even more to deal with, with me and my lump!.....excuse me??....I really don't think I asked for this! Anyway, I think we got through it and we will be fine. I pray that she finds compassion and empathy. The whole world doesn't evolve around her even though she likes to think so...she always has! I still love her and always will but trust me....she wasn't raised this way! I will just go back to Church, down to the altar and gently lay my burdens with her down, for the Lord to take! I do have too much to deal with right now but they will be laid at the altar as well. Life is easier to bare when you surrender all! Thanks for letting me vent, I needed it! Love & prayers to All...Deb M

Hey Debbie, I am sorry about all you are going through. I wanted to add just one small side note for thought...your daughter may be petrified that there may be something wrong with her Mom and she can't help, many times people react with fear or grief by actually becoming angry with the person. The psychology behind it is that if they are horribly angry with you, it wont hurt so bad if something happens to you. It may just be her defense mechanism; this, after all, is a hard time for all.  Good luck! ~Patti

Thank you Patti and yes I do have to agree with you on that...totally!  I was a caregiver for my Mom and my best friend as they dealt with cancer, both lost their battles. My Mom fought  for 12 years after her first belt of Leukemia, then melanoma, breast cancer, severe shingles then Leukemia again...that's when she finally gave in! My best friend on the other hand had breast cancer and by the time she found it, it was too late.  This isn't my first battle with this disease, it's just the first time I may be the patient. I'm sorry if I sounded like I was going off on my daughter. I was just sounding off on here because I don't want to have to tell her what I actually felt today as she was telling me this stuff! I love all my children and grandchildren and I know that if this is cancer, we ALL have a long road ahead of us and we will get through it together like we have with any other obstacle or situation we have had to face. Trust me, all my children have their own personalities and each one of them deals with issues in their own ways and we respect that! She just caught me off guard and I needed to sound off and I felt better about doing it here then with her! My husband and I have already sat down and talked about a lot of "what ifs" and the children's reactions were at the top of the list.  We already know that my daughter will probably be hardest hit by the news, If it happens...God Forbid! We want all of them to be able to come to us and let us know how their feeling...good or bad! I do thank you for reminding me that my children are just as human as I am!! Deb M

If you are not sure if the lump is cancer, make sure to fill yourself with positive thoughts. If the worse happens, positive thoughts can actually increase your chances of beating the disease. Of course, it is good to be prepared, just don't let the defeatist mindset take control. It could just as easily be a fibroid cyst or mass Sorry for the psychology spin, I am finishing my graduate degree in psychology as we speak LOL Good luck hon! ~Patti

Thank you Patti.....I agree with you on that as well. Unfortunately, they have already ruled out cyst. My Dr. was asking all the questions that would be asked if the fear of cancer was there. He has been my Dr a long time and he almost cried himself during the exam when he realized what we we're dealing with. I think it is because he has seen a lot of my struggles that I have overcome in my life and now I get hit with this. But trust me when I say we will NEVER lose faith!! God has control of this! He will pull us through! Deb M

I had a huge cancer scare a couple of years ago...my doctor was just positive it was breast cancer. I am happy to report that the lumpectomoy and subsequent biopsy showed benign! I was so excited, but had been so scared! My hormone pills made it grow in a more threatening manner. I am now off of the hormones and caffeine to reduce the chance of another scare!!

~Patti

Deb.  bless your heart, This may just be a scare, for now just tell youself that...and even if it is cancer, it is not the end..cancer can be healed..just hang in there and get the test done..and remember you have alot of prayers going up in here..and we are here for you..we have some powerful prayer warriors in here..  so lean on us..we love ya....vesta

Thank you Vesta!!....trust me, I know, I am and will continue to do so!

Hello Deb, I'm new to the OH site and I've seen your post of the lump that your Doctor says maybe a lymph node.  I to have experienced that and it can be so traumatic.  I remember when I first noticed my lump was on the (R) side of my neck. I got in to see the  mydoctor right away. But  after a course of antibiotics, upon return I had to see another doctor because my PHP was out of  town.  He walked in and asked did I have a cat? No! (His thinking was cat scratch fever). Then he says that It's probably a Lymphoma. Just like  it was nothing.  I was so panicked. I had just started a new job/new insurance.  I had the biopsy at my new job which was. Truman Medical Center W.  I remember this as if it was yesterday.  While still in recovery room.  The resident surgeon walks in.  I'm groggy and alone. He says I'm sorry(Which we all know from TV isn't good new) you have a lymphoma cancer. I'm in bed but my head is reeling I immediately think about my son who is 12 years old, and that I'm only 33. I had Hodgkin's Disease. I had full body radiation treatments . I share this with you B/C I know 1st hand when we hear cancer we automatically think death sentence.  And that is not always the case.  I am living prove my son is now 28 and I turned 50 this year. You see I'm not one of those women that won't tell her age, B/C at 33 I didn't think that I would be a miracle.  So I say to you, think positive and prepare for battle. If you are on this web site and have been overweight you've done battle before. So you have what it take to do battle.  Truth is my chance of dying from my weight is far greater than me dying from Hodgkins.(Larry Moore on channel 9 news had Burkitt's Lymphoma at the same time I had Hodgkins.       Your daughter sounds alot like my son me! me! me!.  But let me tell you when ever there has been a crisis (healthywise) with me or our family, he always surprises me with his caring and support.  I'm sure with your daughter it's easier to ignore you crying out right now, and busy her self with her other issues, B/C to deal with you and your issue right now would make it real,  Which would mean that her mother isn't invincible.  After all you were her 1st audience and number 1 fan.   I will be praying for a positive outcome, and you do the same.

With tears in my eyes, I thank you!

Deb M