*I need advice-help*

OMG I just typed a whole bunch of stuff and it didn't go through! I am so mad!!!!!!! Anyway, basically what I said was.....my sister IS the same way although she is 20 now. She sees that our dad has done NO wrong. He is behind in child support and he abused (every way there is) me as a child. He beat my mom when we were kids--in front of us. Although she was real little she obviously would not remember. She claims that we are making it up to make him look bad. I hope someday she sees who he really is. I doubt it will happen though. They are all (dad, step-mom, brother, and sister) bi-polar. Dad, brother, and sister are on medication although it doesn't seem to work.  You know they say that kids go through practically the same thing twice in their lives. The "terrible twos" and the "terrible teens". As a toddler, they pushed to get their way, the manipulated, they defied---well welcome back..LOL. Sorry.  Basically, yeah this is a HARD place for you to be in with your daughter. My sister accused my mom of the same things, "you are trying to be controlling, if you loved me, if you really cared..". Let me tell you something, I totally felt the same way with my mom trying to keep me away from my dad growing up. She was ONLY looking out for my best interests. I did not see it then, but I do now. He is not a good dad. He does not treat me as one of his kids. I was the only one he abused. Even now, into adulthood, he leaves me out of things. I didn't expect money money money from him..BUT I did expect him to be a dad to me. You know, he did not help with a dime for my wedding? But if my little sister or my big brother needed help he would be right on it. He NEVER abused them. My sister was the "baby girl" and brother was "the 1st born and a boy".  As I said, then I thought my mom was being controlling and irrational but NOW I see she was only trying to protect me. That is what mom's do. One day, your daughter will be a mom and she will know what it feels like. I am a mom and I TOTALLY know now.  When it comes to counseling I think that is a great idea. Keep her in counseling and you should stay in there too. You are mom STAND YOUR GROUND. It never hurt. As far as the Turnaround Ranch, I would NOT threaten because that will only make things worse. If it keeps up that would definately be an option. You are NOT giving up on your daughter. You are TRYING to help her. Lord knows your family has been through SO much.  As far as letting her move to Joplin, I would say that would be a HUGE NO NO. A judge will consider that unstable home environment & she will get taken away. It is best to keep her at home and keep doing what you are doing. I think it is a great idea to have them earn privileges. That is what we have here at our house.  As far as her dad, does he have visitation? If not, then tell him to BUTT out. A judge will think that is a hazard to her mental health. If she needs the medicine then she needs it. He obviously does not care about himself, so he can't possibly care about his kids. Well even if he does have visitation tell him to BUTT out. He has NO right to jump in and tell her not to take medication when he isn't even here to be involved in her treatment.  When it comes to your mom, or your parents---tell them they had their chance to be parents and they failed..and now this is YOUR chance and to BUTT out. Hopefully your daughter does not know that when she is 17 she can legally move out. It is hard to raise a teenager I am sure. I watched my mom do it with my sister. Like I said before, she is bi-polar. Unfortunately her medication does NOT seem to work for her. I think it is completely evil of her to use the excuse, "you owe this to me, because I took care of you..". That is horrible. Remind her that, I have taken care of you for the last what...14 years...so what do you owe me? I would say MUCH more than what she is giving you now. All you ask for is respect and for the rules to be followed. ANYWHERE she goes there will be rules. You break the rules, you go to jail. You break the rules, you lose your job. The list goes on. She needs to get used to it now before she is in the real world.  I had my son, Noah, when I was 20. Although I do NOT regret it--I do wish I would have been more responsible. So many things I wanted to do in college (go overseas to help in the other countries, etc)..things I can't do now. I hate to say it, but sometimes it takes having a baby to make you grow up and I am not CONDONING this by any means. My sister is 20 and acts like a 16 year old. My brother is 26 and he acts like a 16 year old.  You know something, I might suggest. Have you heard of NAMI? They have support groups for those living with bi-polar. I have never been to one myself, because my counselor recently told me to cut the BI-POLAR side competely out of my life. So, I have. I changed my phone number and she wanted me to move far away but I obviously can't do that.  I certainly see your concerns with sending her to Joplin. I don't see anything positive coming out of it. Your parents are naive when it comes to kids these days as it is. And as I said before, this is YOUR chance not theirs. Hey, if you want to chat more about this..I have yahoo messenger. You may add me--- mrsbell25. I would be happy to have a new buddy to chat with.  *Hugs* Cheryl

I had a rough time with my daughter when she was a teen but I stood my ground as to what was expected of her and she had to pull her weight or there was the door when I finally had enough of her threats.  Just hang in there and do what you feel is right.  Both of my kids graduated college and yes my daughter even went back & got her masters in English and is teaching at a univercity in VA.  Both of my kids thanked me that I was a "Mean Mom"a couple of years ago.  I was a single mom from the time they were 2 & 4, I guess I was lucky to have my parents when I needed help. Hang in there - Shannon