WHATS HAPPENING WEDNESDAY

At COF meeting last night Claudette ask us what had been our biggest wow since having surgery. I really had to think about what was my biggest wow, you know the being able to walk, to work, to tie my own shoes, to go to the store, to do my own housework, to hold a baby on my (lap) to not have to buy clothes in the big girls section, all of these things were in my thoughts until I thought the real thing that has changed with me and to me is my personality, I don’t know that I re-discovered me because I don’t remember  being like I am now ever.I think I was just given a new personality or maybe the one that God intended for me to have all along, along with a new body. Before surgery I was pretty much house bound , by desire and by need, now I love to go and love people and love life. Everything about me seems to be brand new. It is like a total rebirth and everything is great , except the saggy baggy skin lol  which if I had enough money could be fixed but not sure I will, maybe it is a reminder of where I was and who I was before I was given this second chance, I just wish I could have done it younger. I sat beside Rianne last night and thought oh my Lord if I had been given this gift at her age , what would I have done with it….Maybe not as much , maybe more. Maybe I had to spend all those years sitting to be given this life to appreciate it .

If you would like please tell us what is your biggest wow moment since having surgery and if you haven’t had surgery yet do like Colette did at the meeting tell us about what your biggest heart felt goal is. The one that means more to you than anyone could ever know.

I know maybe im being over sentimental today,But I just wanted you all to know what all you really mean to me. This board and sharing with you all every day is like a new life for me. . I don’t ever remember being to where I wanted to share with people before, and to care about others and how they feel about things is something that I just never did. Maybe it had to do with being abused when I was a child or being abused by 2 husbands , when I met Joe is was like ok yeah how soon before you start in too. But we have been together now for 22 years and no not once, Think I can trust him now? Yeah I believe so. Maybe him being who he is and the fact that he never once said anything about me being fat or anything ever to hurt me and then the surgery that totally change things for me, all of it together has been nothing but like a miracle to me.  I think it was all in the grand scheme of things from God. What do you think?

BARBARA:: thank you for such  a great compliment. I hope you will always enjoy reading my post. I lovd our late night talk we had at the reunion and feel like I know you so well now. Love you girl

CLAUDETTE: You are the best leader anyone could want for a monthly support group leader. Thank you for doing this for us. Im sure glad things in life happened the way they did and led you to us. Thank you.

BOBBY JO: See I told you it wouldn’t hurt .lol. Boy you really had the pits of a hospital experience didn’t you? That is horrible. I don’t understand that , They specialize in doing wls. Why does the hospital they use not know how to treat wls patients. And even after all of that you are doing so well. I didn’t have pain with mine either. The day after I got out of the hospital I was in the back yard pulling weeds out of my flowers. Lol.

Are you using gas X for that? Are are you harnessing it for future use. As much gas as all wls patients have we could probably run the country on it.

REBECCA: congratulations on the new job. That is really great. Proud of you girl.

JENNIFER: it is so good to see you doing well. I am so glad that you are. And I think it is wonderful that your husband is so supportive.

Hopefully you will get more banders to come to the COF meeting.

DEBBIE D: hey I enjoy reading about the things that everyone does , maybe im just nosey lol. But that is one reason I started doing the whats happening post. I wanted to learn all about all of you.

Sounds like you either have the cleanest house of the block or the dirtest one , one or the other. Lol

Good thing you have those boys there to help you.

How is Bev she hasn’t posted in a couple of days. Did she go to water aerobics with you?

Wow you better get that office organized and quick

If your husband expects you to keep track of all the scout requites lol

JANET: we missed  you last night too but understand about you hurting. Do you think that Melissa is sick too. She was saying something about throwing up and stuff.

Oh I get it , your massaging pad , I kept reading messenging pad lol I have one of those really good ones and it works well but I don’t think my back is anywhere nearly as bad as yours is. Bless your heart I hope they will be able to help you out some soon.

LOL  I had to laugh about the eating liver. I hope they don’t make you do that lol

Yes Joe is feeling better , His teeth have really given him fits since he had that wreck in 99. they did extensive work on them too and you would have thought he was fixed for life but he gets tooth aches pretty often.

Hey I have gotten the word out about the engine you have for sale. When and where is your next sale. I would love to come. Did you say on the 5^th? Is it going to be in Joplin or in your town or where? Is it Oct the 5^th im off that day. Lol

Hey still with the Halos what is it? Or they? Or what ever? Probably some game system right?

KELLI, tinkfan, Great to have you on board. Doesn’t matter to us that you don’t live in Missouri . Several others that post on here aren’t from Missouri either.

Good luck on the quitting smoking and also on the getting your authorization  for your surgery. Have you already seen a doctor?

Don’t let any one mess you up on quitting smoking. That is the old way taking, you can do it. As I like to say ,,,,KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE. 

Keep posting and let us know what is going on with you . OK?

LOVE ALL OF YOU

HUGS AND BLESSINGS

JAN

HELLOOOOOO MO BOARD! I would ask some prayers for my friends 16 yr old daughter. she has severe OCD and has been hospitlized for about 3 weeks was sent home when the ins ran out.  I sat with her today and it is the saddest thing to be in the presence of. and than to top it off ...had symptom of side effect from the meds and woke from her nap unable to get moving. this whole family is hanging by bits and peices. please pray for them.  today it is run run run...taking the kids over to WIC so that should be fun....Miss Pixie will keep me entertained. than Catriona has to do some photos after school. and sometime or another I would like to go get weighed.  I sold some of my flowers on E-bay and one of the recipent has now contacted me about an order so I am going to be busy getting those done and Im lookiong forward to Friday when maybe just maybe we will find out the sex of our new Grandbaby. Everyone is wanting a boy this time....but I have my own thoughts on the matter. LOL going to be sitting with my friend of and on all week....so I will have some major computer withdrawls!

nutt

  I also wanted to add..... although I am only 3 months out of surgery I feel so different and like Jan the wows when they come are soo amazing but the change in the inner me is what WOW's me the most. I feel like I have been cocooned in my fat and a new person is emerging! My next tattoo will be a butterfly with my surgical date on it.  I am finding things easier to do everyday. tytytytytytytyytytytytytytyty Dr.Baker!

good morning my friends   WOW you guys have had some GREAT wow moments, can not wait till i have some...Jan i am so glad i picked you to be my angel i believe that God sent u my way to help me thru this journey, thanks again.  My goal is to learn to be healthy and to be able to wear some thing besides BLACK and sweats...i wanna be able to run after the grandbabies and that reminds me Rachael found out she is having a girl in Feb. so now i will have a girl to go with Parker.... Ive had so much trouble with my dieting lately cos im quitting smoking and  dang i think thats harder than dieting especially with all the stress in our lives today.... i am so proud of so many of you, you have comes a long ways accomplishing these things.

 Bobbie...............congratsualtions!! keep it up

Tammy and Trudy.....way to go welcome to the loser"s side  i had so mcu i wanted to say last nite on here but when i got ready to send post i lost it all some how and gave up...anyway i miss u all and love u all and praise  god for this wonderful; board and all my new friends...

have a GREAT day!!!!!!

hugs

Good Morning Missouri peoples!!! It is so beautiful this morning. It has been so hot here that I have been praying for rain so it would cool off. Well we were sopposed to get it last night but it went all around us. It was too funny. It cooled off, we even saw lighting, but we  just got a few drops. Oh well, I am just glad it cooled off. We opened the house up and slept with the cool breeze blowing in.  Yesterdays Dr appointment was a joke. I was there maybe 15 minutes. I was weighed. I am down one more lb (down to 274.5) That scale hasn't moved more then a half a lb in 2 weeks. I am doing all the right things but it just doesn't want to move. Nancy says I am fine and I am still ahead of schedule because of the weight I loss on the liquid diet. I was told not to worry. So I am trying not to. I get to move to the next level now. I can have most meats and melba toast, and peanut butter. I am so glad. It gets old eating the same foods over and over. At least if I can now get my protien in from different sources now. I am getting tired of all the protien shakes.  I am also released for all activities. I am definately looking forward to getting back to the gym with my husband. It was hard when all I could do was cardio and he was on the weights, now I can do both. I contacted the people I nanny for yesterday. I let them know I wasn't coming back and that I had found a new job. They said someone had called and they gave them a good reference. I am going to miss them and the girls but I am excited about starting this new job. I think being so isolated for so long has contributed to the blues I have been having.  I have been in St Louis almost 2 years and have just a handful of people I would call friends. I don't go anywhere but church to meet anyone new. At my nanny job all I have are 2 small children to talk to. I need adults to talk to. Which is probibly why I am here. LOL I can't give a biggest WOW moment yet, but my goal is to get to the point where I am not afraid of what others think of me. That I can get to the point where I can sing about and share what God has done for me. He has had a plan for me for a long time, but I have delayed it by listening to lies instead of what he says about me. I feel I am on the right road now, it is only a matter of time. My weight loss is one the keys to releasing what God's plan for me is. Bobbie: Oh yeah I forgot you are feeling no pain. I am glad. I was only in pain for a week and that was bad enough. Just be careful. We love you and seeing you posting.  Welcome to the losers bench hun.

Claudette: Thanks so much for all your informative posts. I know we have never met but you always post things that are interesting. Thanks for the info and all you do in your support group. The girls all seam to come back energized and full of great stories. Janet: I am sorry to hear you hurt your back again. I suffered from backpain for so long and things are finnally feeling better. The pain dosen't consume me as much anymore. Take care and know I am praying for you.  Jan: Thanks for shareing some very personal stuff with us. It is ok to be emotional here. That is why we are here. We love you and would be lost with out your insite and humor here. Thanks for taking time every day to share with us. Well, I better get going. I am trying to finish up some scrapbooking from our summer vacation and will be starting on Sage's birthday party from last weekend next. I am also still working on my wedding scrapbook and our year anniversary is comming up November 4th. LOL Will I ever get it done?? LOL I am trying to get some of this done since I start back to work next week.  Have a great day guys and I will post again soon.  ((HUGS)) and prayers to all,  Rebecca

Good Morning Jan and Peeps~ What a loaded post, Jan. It brought tears to my eyes! I felt like I typed it myself. Seems like we have a lot in common with our pasts and the hubbys we have now and so on. I was abused a lot as a kid-every kind of abuse you can encounter, and several different people. Some speculate thats why I got so big. I dont know. Maybe. Then my first marriage was full of every abuse you can imagine as well-the worst was the mental.

I have to agree, that the changes in my heart and my soul are the biggest things I "feel".....I dont "see" the physical changes, however, I know they are there due to what I can do-and what I can wear now. My heart and soul feel brand new. I feel kinder, gentler, loving and although I was loving before-I find myself walking into Walmart and NOT feeling like everyone is staring at me-or thinking bad things about me. I feel that since I smile at them AND am nice to them-I get the same in return. Before I was always angry-or at least my face showed unhappiness. People did NOT respond to me like they do now!!! Let me tell you something-2 years ago-when I would go to sleep-I would pray to God to PLEASE take me in my sleep-I didnt want to wake up. Life was just too much. It was a constant chore-a struggle. I could not even wipe my own ass without standing up. I never felt clean. I would get ready for work, get in the van-my seatbelt didnt fit-I had to have the seat ALL the way back and the steering wheel ALL the way up!, I would take Jon to daycare and be winded just getting him out of the car and into daycare. I would go to work and be huffing and puffing just walking to the door-and I had a handicapped spot. I was always hot-always had the fan in my office on me-and a vent above my head-I was always sweating. I would go to the bathroom and literally HAVE to use the handicapped stall because I DID NOT fit in the regular ones-and IF I had to use the regular ones, I would have to wait until the bathroom was empty, so I could stand to wipe my ass and I didnt want anyone to know it-AND I didnt want them to see me TRYING to get out of the stall-what a scene that was! I didnt have a marriage really-I slept on a lazy boy chair in the livingroom for over 2 yrs. The weight of my legs didnt allow me to sleep in my bed-I just couldnt do it-and I couldnt breathe if I tried to sleep on my back! I had to use the carts at the stores-my legs couldnt handle the weight of my body-and thats IF I had the energy to go into the store. It didnt happen very often. I didnt even enjoy christmas shopping-it felt like I was in HELL! I couldnt wear a seatbelt and I had to wear clothes that were there-NOT what I would pick-most of the time anyway, because even the biggest sizes at Catherines were sometimes too small-or too short on me. I had to sit when I made dinner-IF I made it. I was on a chair with wheels. I didnt do the laundry or the dishes, because I just couldnt. I couldnt or didnt want to attend school functions-or plays, concerts etc-because the seats were soooo small-I COULDNT fit-and that was so embaressing. I hated to miss those things, but I couldnt stand the whole time either, so I missed a lot of them! Mike would always try to surprise me by taking me to a new restaurant or someplace new-and I couldnt. I would always say no-because I didnt know if they had chairs-WITH NO SIDES on them. Every single aspect of my life was a struggle. I couldnt even go for a walk-without getting 10 feet maybe and having to sit to rest. We went to Minnesota the summer of 2006, and we went to the zoo-and I couldnt do it. Every couple of feet I had to stop and rest-and they had wheelchairs there-but they were for small people, none for people with a wider ass like me. I was devastated, that I couldnt get on the carousel with Jon, I couldnt enjoy myself-AND to top it off-it was a nice day-and here I am soaked from sweating and missed more than half of the zoo. Anyway-I would pray to God to take me in my sleep. Then when I woke up-I would hate myself even more-because I have a wonderful husband, 4 beautiful children, I had a job I loved, a nice home, a brand new car, a inground pool-property, heck, I even had pets I loved dearly-and I was feeling this way, what kind of person does that? Well, a person who is dead inside. I literally felt like the fat had eaten away at my soul and my heart and I had nothing to give to anyone-NOTHING....My marriage was still good-but I felt like a robot. I was embaressed of my body and myself and didnt want Mike to see me-and I sure didnt want him to touch me. I made myself sick. I hated my pictures, I hated the way I looked and I hated life.

Within 3 months of surgery, I was back sleeping in bed with my husband-actually, it was within a month, but full time within 3 months. I was sitting on the floor playing with Jon. I gave him my first piggy back ride in Jan of this year. I was wiping my own butt sitting down, like normal people within 3 months. I was tying my shoes-NORMALLY. I can wear ANY seatbelt. I can sit in any booth, I can buy clothes "I" like-not what they have made to fit me. I have NOT used a cart at ANY store since surgery. I can walk-2 miles even, without stopping, I feel clean now-I can shower without it being a chore, I can fit in any bathroom stall, any booth at any restuarant, any back seat of any car. I have ridden the go-karts, and even climbed a 10 ft ladder/stairs to go down the water slide at the resort-several times!~I can do the laundry, cook meals without sitting OR resting. Do the dishes, I CAN DO IT ALL NOW!!!!! I wake up NOW....and I instantly thank God for another day-I thank him for MY LIFE. I thank him for MY CHANGES, for my husband, for my children, for my friends, for the experience of a lifetime. I thank HIM!!!! I dont feel deserving of all the wonderful things life has given me now-BUT....I do feel like I got so much out of this. There is a reason I went down this path and I have said, even before the surgery, that I was going to give back-everything-and then some. I NEVER want people to feel like I did pre-op. I spent most of my journey alone. Feeling lonely, feeling afraid. I didnt think ANYONE in this world knew the humiliation, the loneliness and the despair and dislike that I felt about myself! I knew my family loved me-and they supported me, but we all know its different. I had friends I lost that didnt support my WLS decision. That devastated me. I was lonelier than ever. I was over a yr into my journey when I met Sherr. Even tho we dont talk alot now-we talked a lot pre-op. Although she was big then-she wasnt always big-like me. She wasnt the super duper obese, like me. She knew what it was like to be tiny-I never have-and prob never will. I am ok with that. At any rate-she helped me out alot. I didnt meet Mel until a month or so before my surgery...she was super duper obese like me-and I knew she related-and had been heavy most of her life too-so, we instantly had a lot in common. We know what its like not to be able to wipe your own butt without it being a major event. She talked openly to me about some of the things we go through and it changed my life. I swore I would never keep things from others going through this-because it may be the "one" single thing that changes their life too-and that has already been shown to me-by someone I angeled already. I shared and was amazed when I got the same reaction that I gave to Mel when she shared with me. Its almost a relief to know your not a freak of nature, your not a dirty scummy person. Your not disgusting and your not too gross to be loved. I sure felt that way! I look at my before pics now-and I look at Mike and ask him HOW he could have loved that? I sure didnt-and I dont now. It makes me sick to look at me then. I also know how I felt then-and you can see it on my face. No real smiles. Wheelchairs and a look of just existing!! IM NO LONGER "JUST EXISTING"..... I AM LIVING....OMG-I LOVE LIFE now! I love ALL of  the people I have met here. I love being able to witness to the changes in life. I love being able to share my story and letting others see that they ARE normal and that it IS OK!! It DOES and it WILL get better!!!!! How SWEET. Theres another aspect I havent talked about-and thats the intimate things. I am NOT just talking about the actions-I am talking about the confidence-the self respect and the pride you can finally take in yourself. Do I "feel" pretty? NO...BUT...I do feel a sense of accomplishment, the desire to feel pretty or comfortable in my own skin keeps me going. One very wise leader told me in front of group one time-I am giving you permission to cut yourself some slack-(thanks Claudette) and I have done that. I dont know IF I will ever be truly "happy" with my looks. Dunno-BUT....my soul, my heart and my mind-they are ALL HAPPY...If I didnt lose another pound ever again, I feel happy-I feel complete and whole and I LOVE MY LIFE!!!! I love all the people I have angeled-I have loved that I can use something so tragic in my life-to do something good. Thats my goal-thats why I want to start a group, I want to get my book done and I have some other things in the works too-and I want to do that-to reach every single person I can-so they dont have to feel alone and lonely. They are two very different things-and they are hard enough to go through alone-but put it in the equation of how you feel pre-op about yourself-and its enough to make you cry! So-every single aspect of life has changed. I have met some of the most amazing people. We ALL have something in common and I thank God for each and every single one of you, every day. Your family to me. We may not get along all the time-but who does? LOL!!! Could I possibly pick ONE single WOW? No, its impossible. I would have to say-getting my LIFE back-is the biggest WOW. I dont EVER remember being this small-must have been in grade school, honestly-so its not like I had it and lost it-never had it. How do you miss something you never had? I dont know-but I guess I just missed LIVING-like I saw everyone else do-and I held my family back from several camping and fishing trips, things like that-because of my weight. There is NO holding me back now-Once my back is fixed, watch out world, here I come!! It sure is fun now-to have Mike say-lets do this or that-and I dont have to sit and think about the whole situation-I get to be spontaneous too-and I get to be with him and the kids and not over analyze everything and be scared of the situation. What a load that has been lifted from me!

Ok-Im done with that now-I could go on and on about all the changes, but you get the jest of it. I would have to say-that I dont regret going down this path. Wish I would have done it 10 years ago, because I felt like I missed out on so much-but it is what it is-and so I am turning it into something positive, like I did all the abuses I encountered. I made sure it made me aware and things wouldnt happen to my children and etc. (not blaming parent there-things just werent talked about when I was growing up-it was taboo) so anyway....I really dont ever want to forget where I came from and mentally, I dont think I ever will-since I dont "see" myself lighter, I dont "see" the changes like others. I always STILL wonder-can I fit in that booth? Can I fit in that stall? Will that seatbelt fit? Can I sit in the backseat of that car? Its ALL still there!!  To anyone reading this-Good luck! Even tho I dont post on individual threads, I am thinking about you and your journey and know your in my thoughts and I wish you the very best-please contact me, whenever you want!! Megan and Aaron are getting a Y membership and I am going with them 2x a week right now-I will up it when I get a more economical vehicle that wont cost so much to go. I will be going with them on the days I go help my dad out, that way combining the things I have to do and wont cost me so much gas. They have already met with their trainer-and they are doing strength training and such-so will see what he can do with me, too-since I cant bend my knees a lot and such-but can handle some strength training and probably walking the track and such. Please say some prayers for Mel. She got some more bad news yesterday in her medical records. I cant go into details-IF she posts about it, fine-but I havent asked her about it or anything. I actually told her to please not tell me anymore last night, because when she was telling me what she found out-I started getting the dry heaves. I was so upset. So-PLEASE PLEASE pray for her. Thanks! **Jan-Glad to hear Joe is feeling better. Im sorry to hear that he has problems like that-that sure sucks! I hope he gets a resolution to that problem soon! A halo3 is a x-box game. I had never heard of it either till my 16 yr old was talking about her friends getting one. Guess Im too old to care, really. LOL...anyhow-thats the only reason I knew.

I am going to put ads on-line today for all the stuff, including the engine, but I am listing it at 200....so, IF you tell any new people-please tell them 200. thanks.  Yes, the sale is going to be the 5th, in Carthage. Mikes parents are having one out here on our property the week-end after. So, IF I have anything left, will bring it out here and set it up with their stuff-they have a whole morton building full of stuff. Some of it is awesome. I am trying to talk them out of an antique trunk right now-LOL....no such luck-LOL....anyway-so yes, at Mels house on the 5th. I didnt get sick, sick like with the flu-my only problem was my back, lower and it was so bad Monday morning that when I stood on my left foot-it felt like someone was shooting something up from my heel of my foot, up to the point in my back that still hurts so bad. I cant get in to see the ortho until the 4th, so I really hope I last until then. MAN!!! So-I am going to see if he will refer me to get the nerves burned in my back ASAP and to a pain management doc to get this under control. I dont want to live like this anymore. I know it will all work out, so I am just going to have to see what happens. I just know to have this new lease on life and feel so miserable sucks. Stephanie, Jonathan, and Mike got sick. Steph was still sick yesterday-but everyone seems fine today-so far, so good-KNOCK ON WOOD!! ***Nutti-forgot what I was gonna tell you-dang it. Well, I will either email or call you when I remember-LOL...Sorry about Monday. I still have some shirts for ya. Will get over that way in the next week or so. Love ya! **To everyone else-newbies, new losers and our vets-I love all of you. Think of you often and as always, your in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and have a good hump day. Love, Janet