WHATS HAPPENING TUESDAY

Oh I hate to get on here and boo-hooooo....Its 3 am, and I know for a fact I wont be sleeping tonite. The insomnia and emotions. I got some bad news AGAIN today-and it made my heart stop. Megan tested positive for the Group B Strep that I had when I was pregnant with Stephanie and Jonathan (where Steph almost died and was put in the NICU in Springfield-and I almost died as well). Yes, Jonathan did end up being okay-BUT.....I was SICK ALL 9 MONTHS~Megan is reminding me of how I was when I was pregnant with Stephanie-she is that sick. She doesnt go anywhere without a bag or trash can with her. I cant stand seeing her this way. They called her in a script-she takes it for 5 days-then again in a couple of months, then when she is in labor and in delivery for the baby too. PLEASE PLEASE pray for my daughter and my unborn grandchild. I actually laid my hands on her tonite and prayed my heart out and just bawled. I can handle a lot when its myself-but I dont do so well when its my kids.

So-I invited the kids out for dinner. Megan was so scared on the phone when I talked to her-and I knew she needed her mom. There are just times when you do-and I dont care how old you get-so...the funny thing is-I only had 3 chicken breasts out thawing-what was I gonna feed them? LOL...I didnt have a clue-I just knew they needed/wanted to be here and that the rest of the spring cleaning would wait until later. This was too important to put on the back burner. It all worked out food wise...I made corn on the cob and green beans from my garden, the chicken breasts, leftover scalloped potatoes and ham from last nights dinner (for Aaron) and a pkg of hot dogs. No one went hungry-thats for sure. I got 3 bites down and it came up as quickly as it went down. Nerves Im sure. When I was in getting sick-Mike came in and was rubbing my back...That makes me uncomfortable when someone is around me in that state. He just kept telling me-Honey, it WILL be okay, It WILL be okay...Love you.

The kids all went swimming before dinner. I was going to-but it took me a little longer to get dinner done than I thought it would and I had sent Mike down to his parents place to talk to them, because I knew he needed it. He does consider them his real parents, even though he is adopted by them......but I know that we have to go to Arizona to fulfill his biological dads wish of meeting his grandsons before he passes away. He has seen Darrel before-but Darrel doesnt remember-heck, he was still in training pants-LOL...I thought he was 4 the last time dad saw him-Mike said he was 1 1/2. He was right-Darrel wasnt living with us yet when his dad stopped in Joplin on a overnite and called us from Petro Truck Stop to come pick him up.

I got so much accomplished today-I cannot even believe myself how kick butt this house is looking. I am VERY proud of it-and am ever so happy and blessed (thank you, God~!~) that I can do it now. Man, did I ever have so much stuff that I just packed OR put someplace because I just didnt have the energy to stay on top of it. I did wipe down my walls with those magic erasers-I swear by those things! Darrel and Aaron, they finished shampooing the family room (we call it the boys play room now) and they moved part of the furniture back in. The couch, the oversized chair-the entertainments center and the speakers. We still have some to move in-BUT....Have to do that tomorrow since they will be putting where the last area we just finished shampooing today is. I got up all my pics that I have had stored away. I know I have more in the closet-but, I got up about 15 that were stored-and some that were made for me for Mothers Day last year-and a lot I had forgotten about. Really makes a difference!!!!

SO-thats the boys rec room now. They are going to have their Sony playstation stuff in there, they have a DDR mat and game...they LOVE to play that. It was Stephanies-and she was going to sell it to the game store (which one of the mats was a cordless updated very expensive one that I bought brand new at a garage sale for $5, but the original game and mat and all (it stands for Dance, Dance Revolution) cost $80 some bucks-and she was going to sell it to the place for $15-so I gave her $20 since the boys love to play it. We are also letting them put their bean bag chairs in there and they have their own DVD player and all that good stuff. I dont let them watch tv very much anyway-they are limited. Thats why we take them fishing and camping and then started the garden this year-to get them involved and Darrel is going into FFA/FHA-IF I dont home school them-and even if I do-the garden will fall under several different subjects school wise and he will get credit for it, which is going to be so awesome!

They went out this morning with Aunt Mary and picked another gallon bag of green beans-I just got a gallon bag 2 days ago!!! Holy cow...But they are really good. They were tough the other night (pretty big sized as well) and mom told me to pressure cook them-and it worked wonderfully. They were really delicious that way. We will be getting the garden all cleaned up row wise and get it ready for the fall/winter garden here in the next couple of weeks. We are planting cabbage, green beans, broccoli, lettuce, brussel sprouts, winter sqaush, spinach and a couple of other things that I have now forgotten. I cant wait. Between that, and the apples and applesauce, we will save so much money-that excites me-who wouldnt get excited about saving money on their grocery bill? Plus-its a good bonding experience with the boys-Jon LOVES to pick stuff-he ALWAYS goes out in the garden with me in the morning...BEFORE he eats even-he wants to go out and check it out and he LOVES to see what he has planted growing and becoming something we eat-he thinks its the neatest thing ever. Today he asked me if we could plant some jerky. He loves jerky. I told him that when Dad gets another deer-we will make some more-it makes the best jerky ever!!!

Right before 2 am this morning, Sebastian (the choc lab) was having a full blown fit-the kind where you just know something is out there and perhaps, close enough to the pen, that your on alert opening the front door, in case whatever it is-gets startled and runs through the porch area-which means they must pass me-Yikes, that always scares me..anyhow-I look out-dont see anything....decide I am going to go out to the laundry room-which is about 20 yards from the house-off the garage. I go out, get the load of towels and put the last load in the dryer. I am carrying the basket into the house and the dog is still absolutely going nuts..ONLY now-so is Dozer and now I am freaking out. WHAT is out there? I was walking to the porch and I looked out towards my garden and these eyes caught my eye-only they were BIG eyes and whatever it is-is TALL...Holy crap-what the hell is that? an alien? What? I am freaking out cause I dont have any lights out there...I RUN into the house. Get the gun out of the safe and the flashlight. I go back out-and there are 8 eyes now-4 sets of 2 and all big------IT WAS THE NEIGHBORS HORSES and they were IN MY GARDEN! So, I am trying to debate on what to do-now its about 2:15 and I dont want to drive up someones driveway in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. I recognize these horses, because their fence, butts up against ours-but something has happened, because they wouldnt cross the barbed wire-no way!!!! We have fed them (in their territory-not ours) apples and such lots of times-but have never seen them out before. I try to shooo them back towards their fence and they arent budging and when I say back towards their fence-its probably 1/2 mile away....I dont know what to do, so I go get Mike up and ask him. He runs outside-and they WERE GONE!!!! He looked at me like maybe I was dreaming-the horses and the stress I have been under and asks if Im sure it wasnt a large sized deer???? Ok-yah. One white, 2 brown and one black-and several HUNDRED pounds difference, how was I to know they were large, colorful deer? Glad he finally saw them-we came in the house and the dogs started in again and there they were...Mike started up his air compressor on the front porch (it is VERY big and LOUD) and sure enough-they ran off, towards their fence. Havent been back yet. Tomorrow before I go to town-I will stop at the neighbors and tell them-they are going to want to check out the fence. I havent been out there for a couple of months, so maybe its time to get on the 4 wheeler and just drive the perimeter of the property to check it all out? Guess I will be putting that on my never ending list of to-do's.

Mike got home tonite and we really talked in depth about Arizona and my appts etc. He said just what Jan posted. I am his life. He loves his dad, because he is his dad, but he said I AM his world-and me and the kids are everything to him-so I HAVE to take care of ME first. Even surgery will not be put off before going. He said we are just going to have to pray that we will be able to make it out there before he passes-even if thats 2 weeks from now. I agreed and I do understand. I really want to be able to let him see the boys-but unless he gets out of ICU, he wont be seeing Jonathan anyway-because they do not allow anyone under 14 in ICU rooms. Mikes aunt said that IF he doesnt improve by then, they will try and see if he cant be moved to a regular room so that the family can ALL be around him AND so he can sit and watch Jon (they have NOT found his DNR paperwork yet-and Mikes aunt Sis asked them NOT to look for it just yet-they want us to have a chance to come with the boys). He cant talk right now and half the time he is not even conscience of whats going on around him. IF he does improve (which is what I am praying for) then-we are hoping and praying he will be in a regular room or back in his nursing home. Oh, I just HATE seeing someone and knowing it will be the last time you will see them alive. It just breaks my heart. His dad has always been good to me-his mom, on the other hand-ALWAYS made comments about my weight-behind Mikes back (of course)-and ALWAYS made me feel like I wasnt good enough to be in the family because of my size. Its funny-the WHOLE family is like a size zero. His mom was a sz 2 and his sister, used to weigh less than 90#, yes-she was anorexic and did get hospitalized. His mom came in our room once when we were down the last time his dad was very sick (over 10 yrs ago now)-and she got our laundry and then proceeded to tell Mikes aunt and uncle at the breakfast table that she had NEVER seen underwear as big as mine before-and asked if they needed tire covers for the RV when they got ready to park it!! I was devastated!! I never told Mike about that, until about 2 yrs ago-and this happened about 10 yrs ago. When she would call to talk to us, she would always say things to me like, I know your weight has to bother Michael because he told me when I met you NOT to say anything to you about your weight. Then, she showed me pics of when Mike went out to CA when he was married before-and his first wife-she was no where near fat-(but was bigger than all the other females in the family at 140-150#) she would say-Look at that FAT *SS-this and that. I would say-well, if you THINK she is fat-I would hate to hear what you think of me-within 2 days I overheard her in the morning making the comment about my underwear and how she couldnt believe that HER son was ONE OF THOSE GUYS, you know-the little guys with the huge women??~ So-I guess to get to the point-we WILL NOT be staying with Mikes aunt and uncle like we thought-because his mom is there. His mom and his aunt Sis, they are the best of friends and have been for some 25 yrs. Now-Sis WILL tell you, in front of Mikes mom AND anyone else-that Sue was a horsecrap mom and that there was more than once that her and her hubby wanted to take Mike away from her-but they didnt. Mike was very abused-and his sister, Michelle-was spoiled rotten. Mikes mom says that she is sorry-its just that Mike reminded her of her husband and when they were divorcing-she couldnt stand Mike. She took it all out on him-so, I think it would be really uncomfortable to stay there. Sis said that she would love for us to stay with them, and they have the room, said that they will give us one of the spare bedrooms and even put some cots in there for the boys-but Mike said motel or no go....so-motel it is. Sis and her hubby, Russ, they are really good to us-and me. So is his grandma-who just turned 92 and is a whipper snapper. Love her to peices. I cant wait to see her!! She is staying with Sis and Russ right now too-because she lives with Mikes dad and he was the one who would take care of her and all of that.

Tomorrow, I have to get some of my trash that my company wont take-put into the Suburban and take it to town and dump it in the dumpster at the motel-I have to water my garden and plants before I go and finish shampooing one place in the rec room by the big storage closet door. Then it can dry when we are in town today. Its my day to do laundry for the kids. Megan doesnt have to work tomorrow morning, so she said she didnt want me to come in-and I told her to take the morning off then anyway and just lay around and relax. I have boneless ribs cooking in the crock pot right now-so dinner is cooking and I wont have to do much when I get home food wise. Just may make the guys some potatos and brussel sprouts or corn on the cob again. They could eat that every night of the week if I would fix it that often. I feel busy and the day hasnt "Officially" started. Although, its now 4 am, but I have been folding laundry and doing other things while I am doing this too-LOL...SO, I better wrap this up and get going.

**Jan-Thats so nice of Vestas hubby to do that for you guys-for plants? LOL.....he must adore that wife of his-but then again, who doesnt? Are they staying for a couple of days or just the day?

Yes-I think a lot of people were praying about the toilet and plumbing. I know I did. I am just praying the rest will be smooth sailing! I was also praying that a cheaper electrician would come along...Thank you, God!!! For answering our prayers and sending Vesta and her hubby your way. I did talk to Steve-but you were just too far away for him to do it. He lives in Joplin.

My house is large. Its almost 3,000 sq feet. We use every inch of that too! LOL...Its 4 br, 2 ba, livingroom w/fireplace and then family room. My master bedroom-it has 2 closets in it-and one is a huge walk in. Its bigger than any garage Ive seen....Its the biggest master bedroom Ive ever seen. Period. I also have one of the biggest kitchens I have ever seen. I actually have 2 refridgerators in there and it doesnt even put a dent in it!! Its like out of a magazine-and my oven is built into the wall-the stove is just the top 4 burners....its awesome!! HAve a bar and a seperate dining area-but its small-but you can see the back pasture and so its a beautiful sight. We have a walk in pantry and then we also have a 3 season porch, I guess they call it-has something like 10 windows in it-a door off the livingroom and you can also get outside that way-just takes you out the side-by the driveway. Our front door doesnt face the road though, it faces the back of our property, which is okay with me-its very private out here. Not that we have close neighbors anyway-I just personally like all the privacy we have. I will be posting before and after pics, or will email them-when I do my painting and re-decorating. I am just chomping at the bit to get this all done-and get it done the way I have ALWAYS wanted this house to be. My favorite room in the house is Stephanies old bedroom, because it has the exposed rock on one of the walls-and it has a built in shelving unit-which doubles for a gun rack and safe behind it. Its just pulls out-IF you have the key for the lock and the combination-but how awesome is that? Besides the exposed rock-the wood is that beautiful expensive wood-not paneling....the chair rail in the adult livingroom has the good wood as well-and built in shelving units. Just beautiful.

I will get you a copy of the apple butter BUT...it didnt say anything about the crock pot...does it have to say the crock pot? Let me know. You will be peeling apples till you think your fingers are going to fall off! He deserves that tho.

I will send you an email and tell you what I sent Bec. I dont want her to read it here. LOL...I doubt its the same things, but you know-great minds DO think alike-so maybe it is?

On the flowers, bushes, mint-ANYTHING you want to get me-I will take-you know that!!! No, I do NOT have any lillies-the ones at grandmas are the double-and kind of this melon color and they are absolutely beautiful!! So-just remember me-I would LOVE anything you can AND will spare!! Thank you too-I will be there and I will bring your goodies too-for you and the gang-Joe, Andrew and Susan-Baby yellow squash and zucchini and apples. You got it!!! I am PLANNING on being there, of course-IF everything with Mikes dad is good.

I think the clothing exchange sounds AWESOME...I need clothes that fit so bad, its not even funny-but I dont want to spend a lot of money..would love to bring some of my stuff for some others too-so just let us know. Have been thinking of topics or ? for group-will have to see what I have written down in my suggestion folder and send them to you. I will be sending you an email in the next day or two-ok?

How sweet of Debbie to send that to you!!! Isnt that wonderful? It always brightens my day to get a card or package in the mail....I LOVE IT! Love you-cant wait to take you up on that hug! I can use it!!!!

THANK YOU for the loving and uplifting email! You and Bec-I just sat and cried reading them. I could feel the love from the words written and I knew that I wasnt alone. I knew that you were praying-I could feel it, really. How comforting that was and is. I dont think you will know how much I adore you. Love ya lots and lots-or much's-is that what you said?

**Bec-If you have to miss the reunion this year, you will be forgiven-LOL.. but, not next yr-thats for sure! I just cannot wait to hear about the date! PLEASE let us know ASAP, ok?

Sugar had a great idea-about putting a string on you so you dont float away!@! I can just see you up in the clouds singing a song.....a happy tune, of course!

THANK YOU so much for the email and the passages from Deserts in the Stream! I cant wait to find the first book!! I am also printing it out so that I can have it to read every day, or several times a day, if I need to-Im sure there are days, like lately, that I will too!!! Anyway, like I wrote to Jan-I felt the love and I felt the prayers. You really comforted me. It took me quite some time to read the emails-because I couldnt see half the time through the tears-but I just felt so good and although I was all alone, I sure didnt feel like I was. Thank you, sweet bec....You mean the world to me!!!

**Lori-Sweety, its normal to be a little nervous-BUT...Debbie-she described it best-either way-she is a winner!!! I always told myself that IF I was going to die in surgery-I would have died no matter what I was doing that day-whether it was getting my mail or sitting watching tv. I believe when its your time, its your time.....also-I KNEW if I didnt have the surgery, I WAS GOING TO DIE ANYWAY-only IF I died in surgery, then I died TRYING to better my quality of life-and my health. I also told myself- IF HE LEADS ME TO IT-HE WILL GET ME THROUGH IT!!!! DONT let the Devil run wild with your emotions! Stand firm in faith that YOU WILL BE FINE...Like Jan ALWAYS says-DONT borrow trouble. Dont think of all the negatives. Although I am not in any way, shape or form saying that what happened to Cassie isnt scary, IT IS-BUT....Cassie is the exception-NOT the rule...How many GOOD posts do you ead every single day? Too many to count probably? Well-its the bad one our minds and the devil WANT to dwell on....think of all the good ones.....concentrate on that-and DONT let the negative rule you and bring you down! Good luck and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers-along with all of the other pre-ops....Its an amazing journey-rollercoaster ride of emotions...I know-Its just easier to think positive AND look forward to the good-then to think of all the bad and dwell on it-takes too much out of a person. Im speaking from experience here.

**Debbie-you are right on with your outlook!!! Keep your chin up! How are you doing with the Chantix? I hope its going well. I have been praying for you to get through this and have strength and peace of mind. Let me know if you have an angel or not...never heard anything. Talk to you soon and glad to see you in here posting!!!

**Sugar, Renee, Andrew, Sheila and Tammy-THANK YOU for the prayers! Thanks for lifting me in prayer and standing in the gap for me. I sure need it right now. I AM keeping my faith, but....I am not to proud to lean on my friends whom I love with all of my heart. You all mean so very much to me and I thank you. Although, Thank you seems so medial compared to how I feel about all of you and wished I knew how to repay you guys for how you make me feel. I cried when I read each of your messages, posts, emails and texts to me. I felt/feel very relieved to have you guys in my corner, thats for sure!

Well, I am going-for real this time. I think this post is longer than a chapter in my book I am writing!!! LOL...You dont have to read it all-but if your reading this, your at the end anyway!!! HAHA...IF you had a prayer request-I am on it! I do pray for all the pre-ops and for some others I know are having some issues. You guys are always in my thoughts and prayers and are very close to my heart. Love, Janet