I Am So Sad
Here i am saying i'll not be on this week,But here i am. And Whinning to boot.
Lot's of you knew Laura went through the surgery 7 days after me. We promised each other we would go through this journey together, But She is moving Thursday. To Moberly.
So i will not have her to walk with,i won't be able to call her every day and say Good Morning Honey.I do not have long distance and of course cell phones are shut off cuz Gail isn't working,
I have prayed so hard these past two weeks due to this and other things, For peace of mind,understanding, acceptance, Just isn't really working.
I really hate whinning to you all cuz i've read where some people on here think it is wrong, But i don't care what they think.You are my friends and friends are always there no matter what the reason,Come hell or high water.
I have been a royal ***** for 2 weeks to the ones that matter most in my life,My poor hubby and Nikki. They deserve better,And think i am loseing my mind Before anyone ask NO i am not on antidepressants anymore, can't afford them plus i will pull out of this funk,it's just gonna take a bit.If Gail and Nikki can live with me that long.
I just called Laura and asked her since it is suppose to be in the 40's tomorrow,If she would take one last walk with me. I just started bawling, I have bawled for 2 weeks i even cry watching a commercial,,, Sheesh LOL.
If i had known she was gonna move i would not of done this surgery, I can't do it alone. I needed her to hold me accountable and for moral support.I just really needed her period.
My weight is yo yoing so bad it is very irritating, At times i just wanna go to bed and stay or just not wake up,
I don't want flamed from you guys .I am putting my feelings out there ,being totally honest. Maybe i am a lil to honest and shouldn;t share so much of my life with total strangers,
I have very hard trust issue , But i feel i can trust most of you very much.So i share more than i should.
i Am going to need one of you to take my hand and walk through this journey with me, Keep me on track,focused,help me to set and make goals, Keep my lips off those peppermint kissess.It's a big request and if no one wants to do it,i completely understand. But i feel if i have someone that i have to be held accountable to daily i might be able to get some of this stinkin weight off.
Gail trys real hard but he Loves me and will do things to make me happy even if it is letting me eat those evil kissess. Plus i yell at him.LOL i won't yell at you,at least not to loud LOL
I have to go to Lauras at 9 tonight ,help her pack boxes and i don't want to.I don't know why this is effecting me so badly but it is.
Someone please help me get through this.
Love and Hugs Deb
Lot's of you knew Laura went through the surgery 7 days after me. We promised each other we would go through this journey together, But She is moving Thursday. To Moberly.
So i will not have her to walk with,i won't be able to call her every day and say Good Morning Honey.I do not have long distance and of course cell phones are shut off cuz Gail isn't working,
I have prayed so hard these past two weeks due to this and other things, For peace of mind,understanding, acceptance, Just isn't really working.
I really hate whinning to you all cuz i've read where some people on here think it is wrong, But i don't care what they think.You are my friends and friends are always there no matter what the reason,Come hell or high water.
I have been a royal ***** for 2 weeks to the ones that matter most in my life,My poor hubby and Nikki. They deserve better,And think i am loseing my mind Before anyone ask NO i am not on antidepressants anymore, can't afford them plus i will pull out of this funk,it's just gonna take a bit.If Gail and Nikki can live with me that long.
I just called Laura and asked her since it is suppose to be in the 40's tomorrow,If she would take one last walk with me. I just started bawling, I have bawled for 2 weeks i even cry watching a commercial,,, Sheesh LOL.
If i had known she was gonna move i would not of done this surgery, I can't do it alone. I needed her to hold me accountable and for moral support.I just really needed her period.
My weight is yo yoing so bad it is very irritating, At times i just wanna go to bed and stay or just not wake up,
I don't want flamed from you guys .I am putting my feelings out there ,being totally honest. Maybe i am a lil to honest and shouldn;t share so much of my life with total strangers,
I have very hard trust issue , But i feel i can trust most of you very much.So i share more than i should.
i Am going to need one of you to take my hand and walk through this journey with me, Keep me on track,focused,help me to set and make goals, Keep my lips off those peppermint kissess.It's a big request and if no one wants to do it,i completely understand. But i feel if i have someone that i have to be held accountable to daily i might be able to get some of this stinkin weight off.
Gail trys real hard but he Loves me and will do things to make me happy even if it is letting me eat those evil kissess. Plus i yell at him.LOL i won't yell at you,at least not to loud LOL
I have to go to Lauras at 9 tonight ,help her pack boxes and i don't want to.I don't know why this is effecting me so badly but it is.
Someone please help me get through this.
Love and Hugs Deb
Ok Deb, NOW HERE THIS!!!! We will never yell at you for coming on here and crying to us for help...weve all done it at one time or another and that is what were here for.
I think that the reason this board works so well is that we are all helping to hold each other accountable...
Here we go....you girl, listen to me...you will not eat any more of those devil kisses, you hear me???
Ask Nikki to walk with you or anyone else that might want to help you out. I cant personally come up there and straighten you out but will support you all I can from here.
Make sure you get on the exercise thread and eating thread and keep posting with us. You know we all need it too!
love ya and intend to keep you motivated....
GOD is my ROCK! SUGAR 
Deb....
I don't know if I can say what you need to hear but doggone it, you're breaking my heart. I wanna come there and bring you home with me. I know how it feels to do this alone...but please remember you are going thru an awful lot of emotions right now. And if you can't come here to whine, then what's the point of us even being here? We all vent, and we've all apologized for whining....me most of all. But that's the point of being support, to hold up the ones we love during the rough times. So forget about us yelling at you for whining, it ain't gonna happen. And if anybody does, I'll beat them up! :-)
So many of us understand when God seems silent. And it hurts. But I learned today that if I take my eyes off of Him, I fail. If I look to the right or left, then I am looking at somebody else's journey and comparing myself to them. Makes me angry. If I look down at my feet, I sink. Remember Peter walking on water? When he took his eyes off of Jesus, he sank. I know it sounds cliche' cause it is stinkin' hard to do. Especially when God doesn't answer our prayers the way we want him too. But He knows what is best, even if it does hurt. Maybe Laura's leaving is to have you lean on us a little more. Maybe to teach us to hold you up to Him a little more than we have been.
I noticed you aren't taking your meds because of money. Did you quit cold turkey? If you did, that could be causing a lot of your funk. I don't know of any way to get your meds at reduced cost...maybe somebody else here can help?
Like I said, I don't have any answers, but I can be here for you and my heart is breaking for you. I AM praying for you. And I know you can do this. God WILL finish the good work He has started. It just may be a little rougher than you expected. Please, please don't give up. You are a precious friend and an asset to this board. We need you as much as you need us. Besides, who else gets me to spit coffee at my computer?
Love you dear one....
I don't know if I can say what you need to hear but doggone it, you're breaking my heart. I wanna come there and bring you home with me. I know how it feels to do this alone...but please remember you are going thru an awful lot of emotions right now. And if you can't come here to whine, then what's the point of us even being here? We all vent, and we've all apologized for whining....me most of all. But that's the point of being support, to hold up the ones we love during the rough times. So forget about us yelling at you for whining, it ain't gonna happen. And if anybody does, I'll beat them up! :-)
So many of us understand when God seems silent. And it hurts. But I learned today that if I take my eyes off of Him, I fail. If I look to the right or left, then I am looking at somebody else's journey and comparing myself to them. Makes me angry. If I look down at my feet, I sink. Remember Peter walking on water? When he took his eyes off of Jesus, he sank. I know it sounds cliche' cause it is stinkin' hard to do. Especially when God doesn't answer our prayers the way we want him too. But He knows what is best, even if it does hurt. Maybe Laura's leaving is to have you lean on us a little more. Maybe to teach us to hold you up to Him a little more than we have been.
I noticed you aren't taking your meds because of money. Did you quit cold turkey? If you did, that could be causing a lot of your funk. I don't know of any way to get your meds at reduced cost...maybe somebody else here can help?
Like I said, I don't have any answers, but I can be here for you and my heart is breaking for you. I AM praying for you. And I know you can do this. God WILL finish the good work He has started. It just may be a little rougher than you expected. Please, please don't give up. You are a precious friend and an asset to this board. We need you as much as you need us. Besides, who else gets me to spit coffee at my computer?
Love you dear one....
Peggy 
Life isn't about about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Life isn't about about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Hi Deb,
Please don't quit taking your meds. Your mind is a funny thing and can play lots of tricks on you. Go to walmart.com and look up the pharmacy and they have lots of $4.00 meds and maybe you could ask your doc to put you on something that walmart has on their list. I think you can even order 3 months worth (probably need a script for that amount. I don't know) for $10.00. I take paxil and it only cost me 4.00. I don't know what I would do without it. lol..it keeps me somewhat sane. I have panic attacks and that is no fun at all. I don't really like to take meds but sometimes it is necessary.. Also you might ask your doc if he has samples. Alot of times my doc has given me several months worth of samples.
I can't always find someone to walk with. My cousin likes to walk and alot of times we walk our dogs. If she can't go with me I go ahead and walk my dog anyway. Its a good time to spend some time with the lord also. Its like my quiet time. If it is to cold I go walk at walmart. Although I find that kind of boring as I don't have alot of money either..but I like to look...
Keep coming on here also. I don't post alot but I always find good advice and everyone else on here inspires me to do my best..Good luck and hope you get to feeling more positive..
Please don't quit taking your meds. Your mind is a funny thing and can play lots of tricks on you. Go to walmart.com and look up the pharmacy and they have lots of $4.00 meds and maybe you could ask your doc to put you on something that walmart has on their list. I think you can even order 3 months worth (probably need a script for that amount. I don't know) for $10.00. I take paxil and it only cost me 4.00. I don't know what I would do without it. lol..it keeps me somewhat sane. I have panic attacks and that is no fun at all. I don't really like to take meds but sometimes it is necessary.. Also you might ask your doc if he has samples. Alot of times my doc has given me several months worth of samples.
I can't always find someone to walk with. My cousin likes to walk and alot of times we walk our dogs. If she can't go with me I go ahead and walk my dog anyway. Its a good time to spend some time with the lord also. Its like my quiet time. If it is to cold I go walk at walmart. Although I find that kind of boring as I don't have alot of money either..but I like to look...
Keep coming on here also. I don't post alot but I always find good advice and everyone else on here inspires me to do my best..Good luck and hope you get to feeling more positive..
Peggy
I know God will answer my prayers but only in his time and in his way, Maybe not like i want but I know he will answer.
Yes i quit taking my paxil cold turkey, I had to choose between them or the stomach meds and a few other meds,So had to go without them. Hopefully next week i can get them filled.
Thank you for your kind words and i wuvs ya,
Love DEb
pooh bear please dont give up.we all are friend's here on this board.i may not be able to walk with you but i will help you all i can.everyone on this board are more like family to me.andy and you all have been my support with me getting this surgery.you will get through this we are praying for you god bless susan
I don't know why God plans things out the way he does, but he DOES have a plan, it just doesn't make sense to us at the time, hard and frusrating I know, It seems as if I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past 3 mo's. Sometimes people are in our lives for a specific purpose to help get us through certain things, they leave when their purpose is up. Maybe you are are ready to move on to the next phase of your life.( I haven't read all the posts is she a friend, or relative? ) I have lost people close to me too, it really hurts, but if they are still alive , you don't have to lose your relationship, write letters. get a calling card for your long distance, i think sams club has one for .03 a minute. I know about the cell phone too, if you get a little "extra" (extra lol what extra i know) (maybe taxes?) you might consider a criket phone my daughter has one and it is really reasonable, no credit check either. I have US cellular , they are cheaper than a home phone, free long distance, free incoming calls , free min. after 7 pm. I sound like a freaking commercial...sorry. If you have a script for depression meds. I know there is help available to you, it is very important to follow up, the loss of your friend and the lack of meds can and will affect everything about you. It is dangerous for you emotionally, call your health dept and ask for help, they should be able to direct you to the right area to get help if they can't , your husband and daughter (?) deserve it and SO DO YOU!! I have seen you post hepful words of encouragement to other members on here. Think about what you would say to someone else in your situation and apply it to yourself. It will take awhile, but it will get better if you don't allow yourself to "wallow", yes I am also an occasional wallower, I need a good kick in the butt, wish I lived near you, I would love to be your walking buddy, I hate doing it alone, have to take the dog, and still find excuses not to go, just lazy I guess. keep posting , vent all you need, some idiot like me may answer or you will get lucky and a smart one with all the right things to say will tell you the things you need to hear. Good luck honey, wish I could do something for you besides talk. Susan
((((Deb))))
Never, never, NEVER think you are alone in your journey. We are with you the entire journey. You are not whining; you are grieving over the 'loss' of your friend. Keep in touch with her however you can, writing letters, whatever it takes.
And don't forget, we all are here for you, 24/7. 
Patty
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