Why in the world...

For the last few weeks I have been surfing through the boards...mainly because Im bored...But I have seen a few things that has bothered me, even before my surgery this has bothered me....
Why do people go and eat things that they know that the shouldnt have...like brownies and so on?? I just amazes me how they can do this after going through the surgery, the after effects of the surgery, and then loseing weight in all....Is that not the goal of this road that we have choosen? To lose weight and to get the chance to start over?
I have felt like this for a long time, when I started this journey, and got denied, MY WORLD WAS CRUSHED AS IN GONE NOTHING LEFT!!! And then I go out and see an old friend sitting there eattng M&M's....all I could do was tear up and cry, all the while thinking...your eatting that after you had surgery and I cant even get surgery....whats wrong with this piture!  You couldnt pay me now to eat any type of pasta or rice or bread. I have no desire too. And sweets are just something of the past...everything tastes so sweet to me now...Its just sickining to me. I made the peanut butter cookies and could only get about 1/4 down. Guess its a good thing for me..huh
Maybe this is whats wrong with me and my eatting now....I dont want to gain weight ever again...I want to lose. Does this make me a BAD person? Does this mean that I will have problems with my levels? Have I gone to the other side of this...meaning that instead of having a eatting problem, I now have a not eattng problem? These are things that I do worry about.
Please understand that this post has nothing to do with anyone on this board at all. I know that everyone it different and deals with things differently. But it still amazes me...Im sorry but it does. I guess when I promised God that if he granted me this prayer...I would do right by it. (getting closer and closer everyday...peggy and sugar, jan, bec, janet, jeanine...smiling at you all)
Please no one take this as a shot toward them ok....It just me and trying to understand....is that wrong? Am I wrong to feel this way?
Love and Hugs to you all

I think head hunger gets people. Its hard to know the difference sometimes. I did not want to eat for a long time(it seemed a long time anyway).If I really stopped and thought about it I do not want to eat now but know I have to. Old habits die hard. I ate too many pork rinds last night and I have paid for it today.I didn't eat my yogurt till lunch time and it made me feel sick. I actually tried to throw up and couldn't. I was miserable for about two hours. My DH can look at my plate and tell  if I have to much on it. He is usually right(dang it). Boardom causes some of us to try stuff I think. I haven't tried stuff I am not allowed except for beef and I was careful and only ate a bite at first then the next time I ate a bit more. I don't know if age is a factor with it or not. I think a lot of younger people push the limits. I see this as my last chance and I do not want to mess it up.

Exactly Susie...thats what I was trying to say...I guess that is why im struggling to eat now. I know in my head that I have too....but its also saying not to eat too. Boy Im glad that you didnt take this post the wrong way...it was in NO way directed at you or anyone else for that matter.
Hugs and stay warm and dry over in your neck of the woods....

Cor   yes i know exactly what you are talking about....some of us sort of get anorexic  in a sense ...i am 2 and half years out and i am still having trouble with all of this...it is a tight rope we walk...too much food we gain not enough and we could get sick,..who said this was easy , tell me and ill go punch them in the nose lol
hang in there hopefuly it will get better and we will learn to do what is right.

Like Jan said, whoever says this is easy needs a good punch in the nose lol cuz it is far from easy, at least for me.  I guess I'm on the other side of the fence and struggle with eating to much and dealing with hunger.  I refuse to eat the wrong things anymore, thats a plus, but I still deal with eating to much where alot of you have to deal with not eating at all,  I wish, I really wish I did not have the hunger and wish I could only eat a few bites and be done,  only thing I can think of is it stems from my stoma being to big,  I wanted a revision to fix it but since my pouch is not stretched Im not a canidate for that so right now i just have to deal with it I guess.  Cor I know what ya mean about some eating totally what they are not suppose to eat and gaining weight or whatever,  I have a friend back home that had the surgery, lost tons of weight and now has gained it all back, I guess her and her daughter both are going to try for a revision but I remember being at church with her during church dinner and she ate just like she had not had surgery, my wifes cousin is the same way, what a waste.  Anyway just thought i'd put in my 2 cents,  keep up the good work Cor, i bet your looking and feeling great!!!

Andy

Aww Andy...thanks for that. Yes I do feel great and just losing what I have lost has greatly boosted my confidence.
I guess I am lucky in that part of this journey..I dont have the want to eat, but that in its self scares me too. I know that its too soon to tell wheather or not this will develope into a larger one later on. I sure hope not. I had thoughs that,maybe could happen to me, Not that I would want that part of being sick all the tme. 
I guess bottom line to this is that I just dont want to feel like a failure yet again in my life. So to avoid that I just eat when my pouch says it time to eat. Now I not going to say that I wouldnt like to go out and eat with friend and not have to read the menu from front to back just to find something small or ok for me to eat. Oh shot yes I would. but I always feel guilty when I eat out, guess its out of my BOX that I have put myself in. Guess It me, guess Im the one thats all messed up. I really dont know. But I do know that If I dont start eatting right....Im going to be in a world of trouble later on. 
Thanks again Andy....that was very sweet of you
Hugs 

Hello cor.you are doing a good job with everything.andy has been helping me eat better so a am ready for my surgery.i am like you i want to have my surgery to get healther.i cant eat sugar now why would i after ward's.that is why i worry about my brother he has bad blood sugar problem's.the surgery would do him a world of good.but he does no****ch what he eat's now and i know he would not after ward's.he has already lost one leg i am afraid he will lose the other or his life.i am having surgery to change my life.i want to get rid of all my pill's and my insulin.lose weight,and eat better so i do not have to go on my med's again like i am now.i know it will be hard,but i have a lot of support.have a good day god bless you susanallof you are my angels

Hello cor me again.i dont know what kind of protien power you use but we get the kind from walmart.it is over in the pharmacy area.i dont know if it will taste any better to you.they have choclate vanilla strawberry and cookie's and cream.there is 52 gram's of protien in 2 scoop,s.when i make them for andy we use strawberry's in them or bananas.whatever you may like.or the one with vanilla power and orange juice and the milk.i put them in a blender with some ice.i like them hope i still do after surgery.andy like's them.we make them different way's all the time.i hope that will help you.need anything else let me know love ya have a good day susan

Cor,
    Oh my angelette!  Keep hanging in there and eventually you will be able to eat more.  You have to eat to get all your vitamines and minerals besides the protein powder.  And you are right, you will get sick.  I am out 3 years and all is fine.  Have I had to work at it --  You bet.  I am like Andy - I can eat more but only sometimes.  I do not intend to gain weight back.  What have I had this morning.  Vitamins (some) water - 12 oz, 2 scrambled eggs and one tortilla for a roll up.  Later I will have protein bar.  this afternoon will have a protein shake, and dont know about supper yet.  Hang in there and call anytime.  Colette