Dealing with the pre-surgery negative comments..

Hello everyone!
I'm going local with this topic, because we all know how blunt and direct we are here in Jersey.... 

I am wondering how everyone dealt with the negative comments regarding surgery... you know, such as "oh that is so dangerous", "you really dont need it, just cut out carbs and walk", "are you sure you are mentally prepared for that, I heard everyone becomes a raging alcoholic", "nothing good can come of this", "you will look disgusting with all of that loose skin", and my favorite, "alot of people die right after that surgery"....... 

Yes, these are just a few of the comments I have heard from family, "friends" and other people that "need to know" that I am having surgery and will be "out of pocket/out of office" for at least 2 weeks. 

We all know that this was not a snap decision - and none of us take this decision lightly..  I am rapidly approaching my surgery date and I'm not sure why this is bothering me... the most important person in my life, my husband, is very supportive - I'm not sure why everyone else is being such a...  well --- ass...

Has this happened to anyone else?  Or is it just me!

Fortunately, I did not get too much of that but would have told them simply that I did my research and know what I am doing.  I only cared that my parents and husband were okay with my decision.  Since they were, the opinion of people who were not informed did not bother me at all.

I have no computer access for the next few days (sending this via my phone) but when I get back OH BOY DO I HAVE A REPLY . Keep the faith and know you're doing the correct thing form YOU

Thanks for the posts so far.  I dont feel the need to "defend" my decision to these idiots when they say things - but for some reason it bothers me that people are that inconsiderate--- actually I was a bit mean on Thurs night when someone told me that she doesn't think that I am ""ready to do this and commit to not eating" I told her that I think she should look into it......  It felt good, but I dont like doing that to overweight people because I am obese myself... 

Hi there,
It's very common to have these negative comments. You have to educated the uneducated. It's human nature to have an opinion before actual facts are known. If it's from close friends or family members you can sit them down and explain to them to facts about the surgery. Explain how you need their support so you can succeed and have a great outcome from the surgery. You will need all the support. I just had the sleeve revision from the lap band. Im 4years post op from the band and on Nov 9th had the revision. It's a tough recovery. You have to work out eat properly and really devote your all ti the wls. Now the skin part is true. Depending on your body and the amount of weight you have to lose determines your loose skin. I know some people who have very little skin and some who have a lot if excessive skin. That is one thing that you must keep in mind. The number one thing is to never let the negativity get to you. You are doing this to better your health. I'm very happy I went with my choice to have wls. As with any surgery there holds many risks. I wish you the best if luck!
Shana

I am happy for you, as you prepare for your new life, and like you said this was not a snap decision.

When I had my  WLS the only people  I informed  was my immediate family, husband , my 3 children, and my 2 sisters one was happy for me,and  the other was not oh well,  this is about me and for me ( life goes on) she got over it.. The others family and friends I knew would have a lot to say good and bad , so that is why I did not say anything until about a week before the surgery, and some not until that morning on my way to the hospital via text ( tacky) but did not want to hear anything or answer question. But I must say after the surgery most  was very support., and the ones that was not the way I handled them I told them until you walked in my shoes, with all the  health issues, sleep apnea, body just aching all the time, and out of breath from walking nowhere ( if you know what I mean). with all of that said my feeling are this is a personal decision and no one fully understands what  gets you that point of having wls but you.

So to all my WLS people lets keep moving forward in our new life.

Nicole,
First of all let me tell you something - Your life is going to change in so many positive ways you just are not going to believe it!
Unfortunately my advise to you would have been to tell as few people as possible. But, since you already let the cat out of the bag you just have to listen to the chior.
This week I had to have my band repaired after having it for five years. I can honestly tell you that if I had to have surgery once a month to keep my band I would. This tool is saving my life. It is no one's business why you have chosen to have surgery.
If I were you I tell people that although you appreciate their concern this is your decision and your decision alone.
Warm Wishes,
Donna Maria

I feelings echo many here, but I am going to add my 2 ¢.

 

Many people “insensitive" statements are because they are ignorant. Folks have the misconception that losing weight is as simple as stop eating. They don’t realize we’re addicts. If we were a smoker, gambler, alcoholic, kleptomaniac, sex addict – we would get a “pass" concerning our addiction and the “extreme" measure we would do to stop those vices. However when it comes to food – IMHO the HARDEST addiction because of all the addictions out there WE NEED to have FOOD in order to survive – we’re held to a higher standard.  

 

As for the person who is now questioning you decision … I hate to be blunt … but WHY DO YOU CARE ?!?!??!

 

No matter how close that person is (loved one or not) that person IS NOT YOU. They don’t LIVE YOUR LIFE. They don’t wake up every day in YOUR SKIN, and go through YOUR TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS!! So who are they to question?

 

What you could do, is ask the person “if I had a heart condition, and a pacemaker was suggested to help me live longer and healthier, would you question that decision?" And explain to them that You ONLY KNOW YOU, and you know WHAT YOUR WENT THROUGH to get to this point.

 

Despite what others think, this is not an easy decision. Who would want to willing go “under the knife", and risk death (because there is that slight chance) if they didn’t think the operation would help them. Again, does anyone go to a Doctor and just say “I think I want to have a new kidney put in just because I want it"? No!!! There are reasons why we make these DRASTIC MEDICAL DECISIONS!!

 

Explain to the person, while you appreciate and understand their concern – and love them for this, this decision is A SELFISH decision because YOU ARE DOING IT FOR YOU and even if the person doesn’t agree – it’s not going to stop you. Of course, you may be doing it for ANOTHER person (child, spouse, family) or reason (health, want to go out more, like to swim in a two piece, be the hot mama/daddy at the end of the bar) but ultimately it’s FOR YOU !!

 

As for loose skin, there is no guarantee you will or won’t have it. So many factors are involved (your generics, how long you’ve been fat; your skin’s elastic; age; exercise, etc) which can determine if you will or won’t have loose skin. My motto is “you can always hide loose skin – you can’t hide FAT". I rather have loose skin and be healthy, then have tight skin and have health issues. And truthfully, you’re never going to see me in a speedo – nor would you want too.

 

OK, I see I had too much coffee today (funny, it’s been all decafe – would hate to see if I was on regular). I’ll get off my soapbox.

Funny reply... thanks!  I appreciate all of the comments.  I do agree... I dont care... I guess I was surprised that the people I shared with reacted this way.  I only told "need to know" (dad, one sister, and my boss and assistant) - and my husband of course - but he is my biggest supporter.... and you guys!  Thanks so much!

Best not to discuss with the people who bring you down and if you do, say you wanted to change your life and stop the yo yo dieting and get healthy. Most people know someone who has had WLS and failed at it or they are jealous that you have the guts to go ahead with it. I just told everyone I wanted a better quality of life.