question about Support Group Meetings

 For those of you who attend bariatric support group meetings, please answer these questions: 
1)  What do you LOVE about your meetings?
2)  What do you HATE about your meetings?
3)  What changes would you like to see happen at your meetings?

Inquiring minds want to know!  

LoL

(((HUGS)))

 1. I love the fact that I am never more than a week away from help. My support group meets weekly. It is a mixed group run by the hospital where I had my surgery. Some of us havce become really close friends. Everyone is supportive and nonjudgemental, even when someone admits that they dealt with stress by having a donut. The people are becoming my family! We have had people come in to speak, group panel discussions and vendor visits. One of our members has become an exercise coach for the group. She drives up from Brooklyn once a month or so with her dogs (our support pups). We have participated in a major 5K run (we walked), we are going zip-lining together. We are learning together how to deal with the new bodies we have. It isn't always about what and how to eat or dealing with the crap that goes on in our heads. It can be about learning to deal with the healthy bodies and lives we have been blessed with. 

2. Nothing to dislike about it at all.  

3. Nothing to change. If it wasn't being done well we wouldn't have 30 or so people there every single week. 

Hi Maryellen, Coincidence that you are discussing this topic about meetings?  I  can respond to #3 (changes) and I think it will address #1 & #2 at the same time.  I want to go where I am welcome.  I want to attend meetings where I can feel safe to discuss issues that will not be discussed in public outside of the room.  In the beginning when I had  my surgery, I was ashamed to admit it and was horrified that I would have my picture taken and posted publically for anyone to out me and others to find out.  I felt a little shameful about that and stopped attending meetings in fear I would be outted.  Confidentiality is first and foremost important to me.  I don't want have to fear being emotionally humiliated and/or bullied for not having 100% total success at the weightloss, I am not there to sell surgery or discourage surgery but to be honest about the journey.  As you know I am currently going through a "situation" with a bariatric leader who has done all these things including making me feel unwelcome to LIPO by publically stating that I have been banned by your meetings.  That being said, I have never known it to be true or have been aware of such "banning" status at any bariatric meeting.  I also feel that a time limit needs to be set for those who wish to share.  Far too often, there are way too many people who hog the stage and need to be the center of attention.  I believe the moderator needs to be aware of this and allow those who seldom get the chance to share ample time to do so.  I sense that the format for your meetings has evolved over the years far more than at the office where we both had our surgery.  While we may have had our differences, I do not believe you to be the way my current moderator has portrayed you publically.  For this I find offensive and emotionally upsetting.  At this point, I need to find someone who has my best interest at heart and I have totally lost all respect and trust in my surgeons staff because of some unkind public statements.  I would hope that would never happen in your meetings and if there was an issue you would do the professional thing by meeting with the person outside of the scheduled meeting time to discuss any issues.  To this day, nobody can be specific about what it is that I have brought to meetings that is negative.  It makes you wonder what really is behind it all.  I think compassion first and foremost is what most of us are looking for when having difficulties, not to be knocked down and bullied like many of us experienced pre-surgery.  I am currently looking for a new surgeon for follow-up and would appreciate any recommendations for doctors who would take transfer patients.  I want to be taken care by someone I can put my trust in. 

Sorry for such a long reply.  I needed to share it.  I had hoped you would have returned my call so that I could find out what was the underlying cause for such a declaration (banned from Lipo) which I was not aware of. 

Respectfully submitted

 Banned from support group???? How awful. I can't imagine any one from my group doing that. The only time that our moderator has ever had to ask someone to leave but they were NOT banned was when a mother brought an incredibly unruly child to group. Member has since been back both with and without said child. 

People go to group for encouragement, advice, friendship, etc. To ban someone froma support group is basically telling them they don't count, that their feelings are unimportant or trivial. These are all feelings we had when we were (or may still be) obese. To ban someone when they may need it most??? Horrible, just plain horrible.

I hope you have found a place you can go to get the support you need and want. If you ever need a 'safe' place to chat - PM me. {{HUGS}} 

It was news to me too when I heard it as I have never known it to be the case.  Ironically enough, this declaration was made by someone who is allegedly a psychologist at a non-Lipo meeting in front of other post-op patients!!  I felt so emotionally abused and could not believe my ears.  I could not believe how unprofessional this person who I put my trust and faith in to guide me through this journey could be so callous.  It speaks volumes for the kind of aftercare this Bariatric Center provides.  They are like car salesmen, the minute you drive off the lot you are no longer part of their concern.  All they care about is the bottom line ($) and making money on surgery.  One minute she is telling me its a safe place to discuss ANYthing, and the next minute I'm being chastised for doing just that!!   I realize now that I can no longer share anything in these meetings but go to network with other post-ops who are in the same situation.  I have connected with others who can relate and we are there for each other.  I go to listen now and connect with others.  I do not rely on this moderators direction because she does not have my best interest at heart.

 We NEED to be in  this together. This is a relatively unique journey we are on an support is one of the major keys to success. One or two people deciding who should be able to be in a group or the topics that should not be discussed. Nothing is off limits at my group. I mean NOTHING!!! We talk about regain, eating disorders, sex (or lack of), body image, feeling like failures, food, poop (or lack of), nothing is taboo.

I just cannot imagine how this affected you. Sounds like you are finding your way into a fold of good people tho. And that is how it should be, supporting one another through whatever challenge we face.   

Don't know if you are on facebook at all but if you are interested, my support group has a page on facebook (its a closed group, meaning people will know you are a member but cannot read your posts). We discuss almost anything there. It is called "Capital District of NY WLS Support". ANYONE can belong, you do not have to be from the Capital District or anywhere in NY for that matter. Just hit the request to join this group and either I or one of the other admins will approve you. Usually within a couple hours.

{{HUGS}} 

I couldn't find it.  I will be on FB more next month as I don't have wifi connection.  I'm slowly getting on board with this.  Thanks so much for your reply and compassion.  Its more than I've got from "support" the last several months.  I wish I had chosen a different surgeon now because I will not be able to trust this staff to have my best interest at heart now nor can I recommend them to anyone.  I work in a health department and many people ask me about the surgery.  I am sharing this experience with everyone I know but will never understand the underlying cause of such allegations. 

 Are there any other suport groups you can go to besides the one that is run by your surgeons group? Is he aware that this kind of thing goes on in his group? Ultimately, if he is sponsoring the group or is any way involved, he could be held resposible for thier actions. If he knew, he may want to step in. 


Would love to keep in touch with you. Sounds like you could use a few supportive {{HUGS}}
Take care, Deb 
Capital District of NY WLS Support