Why Why Why????
Hubby came out and was rubbing my back as I sobbed in dispair asking whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do I do this to myself? It's so glaringly apparent that I have HUGE issues with food still and I think I need to get some help with it. I don't want to totally ruin this gift thats been given me.
I really feel like such a weak assed loser right now.
Don't feel bad about yourself, you are doing the right thing in getting help.
Thinking of you.
Brenda Visit my profile for timelines My 
is Monica M.
First of all, you are not a "weak-assed loser". You are human, not perfect, and above all else (like all the rest of us here), you are a food addict. The physical change in us happens at the moment the surgeon makes the first incision. That is the "easy" part. The mind games, and the emotional attachment to food- it doesn't just dissapperar. That's the hard part. It will be with us forever, and it is nice to hear that you recognize that there is a problem and that you need to seek help with it. That is exactly what you should do and do it now. Don't wait. Use this troublesome incident as an impitus to get help if you need it.
If you were truly weak, you wouldn't have made the very difficult decision to undergo surgery, you would be in denile over your struggle with food, and you also wouldn't recognize that you need to get help. Focus on how far you have come. Remember Optifast? Remember right after surgery when you had to walk and walk, drink tiny little sips of protein shake, and very slowly make your way back to solid food?? That was a lot of hard work and you did that- ALL OF THAT! That doesn't sound like a weak person to me. Use those things as your anchor points. Everytime you struggle, remember what you have already accomplished and use that for reassurance that you are willing and capable to get through this. You ARE strong, and lets be real- you will have bumps and blips along the way. The key is to get up that miute and get yourself back on track- not in the morning, not on Monday- right away.
Good luck. You can do it!!
Referral Sent: March 19, 2010
Surgery date with Dr. Denis Hong: December 9, 2010
The only thing that I think that could tell you is that, well, me I'm a tough ass woman, I don't need therapy, I don't need help, kick yourself in the ass and get a move on with life, kinda girl...I'm a little like that still but with way more compassion and heart...I think...lol
Once I was referred for this process, my NP told me that it would be a great idea to get ahead on the process because they are most likely going to ask me to follow a councellor/therapist, and if I didn't, maybe the process will be postponed. I think she just knew me way more than I do myself cuz at the end, I didn't need it for the process but man oh man did it help.
To be honest, when I got there, I was afraid that it would change who I am in the sense of the way I thought of life, which I love, so I was scared a bit. But wow, it opened my eyes on the way I was doing things. The way I was processing my entire day around food and not including food in my entire day. I said it before, it was an eye opener when while on Optifast, I went to the grocery store, and within the first 15 seconds that I walked through the doors, I knew exactly where to go to get my fix, AND I knew exactly how to do it to make it in less walking steps....god forbid if I had to come back on my steps and make myself walk more...lol
Have you ever tried councelling? I have a Family Health Team so the councelling is free, I don't know how it works in other family doctors etc but maybe it would be an option!
Hope it helps but most of all, I hope you feel better and learn from that pizza moment!
Nathalie
~Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you really wanted!~
Lorraine
On a side note, I hope you can make it to the meeting on the 23rd. Support is huge at all phases of surgery. We need each other and no matter how little we have in common, we all have the one big thing that we share and that's our food issues. It bonds us and helps us to be there for each other. Do not be so hard on yourself and remember you're not alone!
completed not by strength, but by perseverance.
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, let go of what you can't change.
Today, you reached out to your supports, this forum, and asked for help. That is not what a weak person does.
Yes, you have huge issues with food. Yes, you need to deal with them.
You should contact your centre, and make an appointment with the Social Worker. He/she can either do some counselling with you, or refer you to someone in your area who is knowledgeable about food issues.
Try looking at some of the information in this group www.obesityhelp.com/group/allinthemind/
there are lots of good resources there, that could help.
I've been using the Beck Diet Solutions Workbook, and its helping me develop strategies to use when i feel like succumbing to the lure of those nasty foods that put me in this situation in the first place.
You are an amazing woman, who deserves to be healthy and doesn't deserve to call herself weak.
BIG HUGS!!!
mon
I'm sending all kinds of good vibes your way.
Barb
SINCERELY YOURS YOUR OH FRIEND ALWAYS
PAULA(paula-37)
ps i hope i helped encourage you in some way. 
