why do people assume
When I met with Dr. Reed last month, he explained that for most morbidly obese people, they cannot lose the excess weight, and of those who do, 95% will put it all back on. His belief is that this is the only solution for those of us who have gone the diet route over and over and over. I dieted myself up 200 lbs since I was 12 years old.
And the thing about overeating bothers me too. All of the people I know who eat like we morbidly obese are accused of doing, are usually normal to thin.
One of the slimmest people I know admitted that she has been known to eat an entire dozen donuts at one sitting! I feel overstuffed if I've eaten 2 in a row. On an empty stomach! I simply don't have the capacity to eat as much as other people think I must eat!
My 'best' friend in junior high once said to me " I don't know why you're so fat. You eat like a bird!"
Don't get me wrong, I do overeat, and often the things I crave most are the high-calorie, low-nutrition items, but certainly not in quantities like the 'dozen eggs and a loaf of bread', that so many 'outsiders' think we eat.
Oops, I hadn't planned on ranting...Oh, well.
Good luck dealing with all the people who don't or won't understand you. You and your medical advisors know what is best for you!
Sharon
And the thing about overeating bothers me too. All of the people I know who eat like we morbidly obese are accused of doing, are usually normal to thin.
One of the slimmest people I know admitted that she has been known to eat an entire dozen donuts at one sitting! I feel overstuffed if I've eaten 2 in a row. On an empty stomach! I simply don't have the capacity to eat as much as other people think I must eat!
My 'best' friend in junior high once said to me " I don't know why you're so fat. You eat like a bird!"
Don't get me wrong, I do overeat, and often the things I crave most are the high-calorie, low-nutrition items, but certainly not in quantities like the 'dozen eggs and a loaf of bread', that so many 'outsiders' think we eat.
Oops, I hadn't planned on ranting...Oh, well.
Good luck dealing with all the people who don't or won't understand you. You and your medical advisors know what is best for you!
Sharon
Well I got to 300 lbs from doing most everything wrong LOL... overeating at times, making poor food choices, snacking, lack of exercise you name it I'm sure I'm guilty at one point in my life. I've lost weight and then gained it back like I'm sure we all have here and we always seem to gain just a smidge more back each time too.
But once you hit a certain weight and age it can be VERY hard to ever get yourself in control again. Since food is something we HAVE to have in order to live.. it's not like drugs or alcohol that we can be rid of totally if need be.
Anyway what I'm trying to sat that unless others have had those same struggles I really don't think they can relate.. and that what we want to do just seems so radical to them.
That really sucks that your sister can't be more of a support for you. I haven't told many people I know either.. just some family and close friends. Too many people go right to the negative side of things when you tell them and I don't want that energy around me.
Thankfully we have boards like this to meet and get support.
Best of luck to you.
But once you hit a certain weight and age it can be VERY hard to ever get yourself in control again. Since food is something we HAVE to have in order to live.. it's not like drugs or alcohol that we can be rid of totally if need be.
Anyway what I'm trying to sat that unless others have had those same struggles I really don't think they can relate.. and that what we want to do just seems so radical to them.
That really sucks that your sister can't be more of a support for you. I haven't told many people I know either.. just some family and close friends. Too many people go right to the negative side of things when you tell them and I don't want that energy around me.
Thankfully we have boards like this to meet and get support.
Best of luck to you.
It's also a common response from those who love us to be negative. It's their way of expressing their concern ... albeit not the right way to do it. It could be that she's worried for you, but doesn't know how to express it (or just plain doesn't know) and that's why the negative response.
My suggestion would be to give it time with her to sink in. If she asks questions, answer them honestly with whatever knowledge you have. If you don't know the answer, tell her you'll find out. If she says something like, "Why don't you know it all", just tell her that there's lots of research for you to do yet, and that you'll be fully informed prior to surgery.
BUT ... if she's one of those constant 'nay-sayers', just let her be and move forward without her. It's your life, not hers, and she can't live it for you.
Good luck in your journey.
Beth
Former RNY patient revising to Sleeve then DS.
Appts: Dietitian - January 21/19; July 16/19, August 13/19, September 17/19, October 15/19; Social Worker: August 23/19; DS Orientation: March 20/19; Internist: September 30/19; Surgeon: November 13/19 (signed consent).
Surgery Date: February 28/20.
MY RNY DIDN'T FAIL ME - I FAILED IT.
MaryJake -
you're doing the right thing for you.\That's the bottom line.
This is, as I have said over and over again, not about LOSING weight.
We've all dieted so often and so much - I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be a fun exercise to calculate how many pounds we OH'ers have lost over the years BEFORE surgery, and then calculate how much we've gaine.\
THe whole point of this tortuous exercise is to keep the weight off after the yearlong honeymoon is over.
And thats where our malabsorption comes in later.
Our loved ones worry about us becoming deficient in vital nutrients - and not without cause. It would be very easy now (post-op) to starve myself - I frequently forget to eat, and I frequently forget my vitamins etc.
But those who are naysayers because they have the simplistic idea that less food intake + greater exertion = weightloss just will not ever understand.
They won't get that carting around 300+ pounds every day is a lot of exercise already.
THat choosing to have carrots and celery for lunch every day is constant deprivation, not a wise choice.
And that the slice of pizza they occasionally allow themselves is just an appetizer for us.
It seems simple to them, but it's really not.
Ignore you sister.
Keep on truckin'.
Be confident that you're doing the right thing for you. Not for her, not for your kids. For you.
you're doing the right thing for you.\That's the bottom line.
This is, as I have said over and over again, not about LOSING weight.
We've all dieted so often and so much - I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be a fun exercise to calculate how many pounds we OH'ers have lost over the years BEFORE surgery, and then calculate how much we've gaine.\
THe whole point of this tortuous exercise is to keep the weight off after the yearlong honeymoon is over.
And thats where our malabsorption comes in later.
Our loved ones worry about us becoming deficient in vital nutrients - and not without cause. It would be very easy now (post-op) to starve myself - I frequently forget to eat, and I frequently forget my vitamins etc.
But those who are naysayers because they have the simplistic idea that less food intake + greater exertion = weightloss just will not ever understand.
They won't get that carting around 300+ pounds every day is a lot of exercise already.
THat choosing to have carrots and celery for lunch every day is constant deprivation, not a wise choice.
And that the slice of pizza they occasionally allow themselves is just an appetizer for us.
It seems simple to them, but it's really not.
Ignore you sister.
Keep on truckin'.
Be confident that you're doing the right thing for you. Not for her, not for your kids. For you.
Maryjakedesa, I'm sorry your sister isn't being supportive. I'm dreading those kind of reactions myself. There is so much judgement around weight, obesity, and medical interventions of many kinds, but especially of this kind.
I'm very early in the process at the moment, and the only non-medical people I've talked about it to are my husband, and two very close friends, one of whom had the surgery done a couple of years ago.
My husband is supportive but a little worried, I think. (He's not judging, just nervous about the idea of any surgery.) My family doctor doesn't like the idea at all, but is going along with it (my gyn sent in the referral). My friend who had the surgery done is very supportive. My other friend is supportive as well, and neutral about it opinion-wise.
I have not told anyone in my family yet, because I'm afraid of their reactions, frankly. And I've sworn my husband to secrecy when it comes to telling his friends and either of our family members - it's my medical information and I will decide who gets to know, when. I haven't told anyone at work, even though we tend to be pretty close-knit in our area and share other medical and life stuff with each other. I just don't want to take the chance of being judged or lectured, even kindly, and even out of genuine concern, by folks who just don't understand what it's like to live like this.
That's why I'm not using my name or posting a picture here. I'd like to be able to talk about stuff openly without worrying about people who I haven't told about it stumbling over it at some point.
I'm very early in the process at the moment, and the only non-medical people I've talked about it to are my husband, and two very close friends, one of whom had the surgery done a couple of years ago.
My husband is supportive but a little worried, I think. (He's not judging, just nervous about the idea of any surgery.) My family doctor doesn't like the idea at all, but is going along with it (my gyn sent in the referral). My friend who had the surgery done is very supportive. My other friend is supportive as well, and neutral about it opinion-wise.
I have not told anyone in my family yet, because I'm afraid of their reactions, frankly. And I've sworn my husband to secrecy when it comes to telling his friends and either of our family members - it's my medical information and I will decide who gets to know, when. I haven't told anyone at work, even though we tend to be pretty close-knit in our area and share other medical and life stuff with each other. I just don't want to take the chance of being judged or lectured, even kindly, and even out of genuine concern, by folks who just don't understand what it's like to live like this.
That's why I'm not using my name or posting a picture here. I'd like to be able to talk about stuff openly without worrying about people who I haven't told about it stumbling over it at some point.
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