OT - change?

Just venting here, I know it's the place I can.  I am to begin working with a new therapist in a week so I have that component locked on target.  I am VERY unhappy where I work.....and it seems and feels that so much has changed about me in my year since surgery.  I can't really pin it on any one thing but an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be in a job where I feel worthless and that I don't make a difference.  I don't blame the job, the company or the people I work with (they do contribute - LOL) but see it more as a change in my priorities and what I now hold near and dear to my heart.  Then I waffle back and forth that it's just all the change and movement since the surgery and I need to chill out, sit back and just glide for a while.  It's so weird but in some areas I feel like I question myself MORE than I ever did before surgery and in other areas a lot LESS than before surgery.  Any one else experienced this??????

:0)

Keri,
ME ME ME. My last two jobs I hung around even when I was horribly miserable. I do know what you mean about not being able to tolerate certain things after my surgery but I think we also grow and evolve every few years SO that being said I would say keep looking. You have a right to be HAPPY. When I was laid off just a day before Christmas last year I was devastated BUT I found my current job and did not miss even one pay check. I love what I do sure that are things I would like to change but I know that will come in time. I hope you find personal fulfillment that you are seeking. Good Luck with everything.

Keri,

I can't answer for you, but I can tell you what I feel - maybe it will resonate?  

A big part of coming to the decision to have surgery for me was a realization that dammit, i DESERVE to be healthy and to live like a "normal" person.   Getting to that frame of mind took way too many years, and surgery was an act of desperation for me.  It was also a wake-up call in a lot of ways.

If I am going to make the most of this opportunity that I've spent lots of time and money to make happen, then I need to figure out why i got this way in the first place, so i can prevent myself from ever going back.  Along the way, there have been a lot of things that's forced me to confront in my attitudes toward life.

Now I can say (and believe MOST days) - I deserve to be happy.  I deserve joy.  I deserve peace.  I deserve self-confidence.

Once I could start believing that, I've found that my idiocy-tolerance level has decreased.  I just don't need to surround myself with negativity, negative thinking, negative actions, uncaring people, nasty people, etc.  I deserve that peace and joy, remember?

I'm lucky in that I am happy at my work.  But there are a few people who I choose to limit being around because their negativity is just a drain on my energy and mood.  I no longer feel guilty for that.  And I no longer feel that everyone has to like me.  I've realized that it's OK to be assertive when it's appropriate, and if that ****** someone off, then it does.  As long as I have "right" on my side, and I'm respectful of others, then that's ok.  

So I think it comes down to continuing to emerge from the cocoon that my fat placed me in for so long.  Continuing the transformation means finding joy in my life wherever I can and savoring every minute.

It's not all "JUST" change since the surgery (I hate the word "just" - seems to minimize the transformation we're undergoing).  But it is something that requires self-reflection and calm assessment.

Karen

Yup. I think it's because when we were fat, we either thought we didn't deserve better or were afraid we could never get another job. Being "normal", you begin to see your potentional. I have a very low BS threshold anymore. I don't tolerate any BS because I don't deserve it. Of course your priorities have changed. Of course you quetion more cause you don't have that physical albatross around your neck anymore. You can work on other areas now. Before, all of your attention was on the FAT . You are a new person! I think this is great. It shows that not only did you lose weight, but YOU are changing and growing emotionally too!!!!!