Jeans and size...curious how others view this

Before surgery, I wore a size 28 jeans (shirts were 32+) and I eventually got down to size 10 and even a couple size 8.  Since getting sick and slacking off, these are too tight.  I had decided that I would not buy a size up - that this would set a dangerous precedent and I'd wear jeans again when I worked my way back into those I have.

Thing is, the longer I'm wearing the comfy pants, what I see as "fat pants," the more unhappy I feel in them...I feel fat and not even a little sexy.  I'm wondering if I made the right decision. 

Maybe I should grab a 12.  Will that make me feel good about how I look?  Maybe.  Will it make me feel like a total failure?  Maybe.

I'm torn.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

Lisa

Lisa,

A size 12 is NOT "fat" and certainly can be very sexy.  But if you're not feeling sexy at that size because you're not satisfied that you've gained a size, no clothing choices in the world will fix that. 

I can't tell you what's right for you - only how I would personally feel about it were it me.  I would want to use the "comfy pants" to "hide" only I could get back into the size 10s and would use my dislike for wearing them as incentive to work my butt off to get there.  I've diligently removed every larger item from my wardrobe as i've out-shrunk it as part of my commitment to NEVER go backward. 

Having said that, it's a slippery slope - I also have to be careful not to let the size game play head-games with me (especially in the store, where one mfr's 10 is another's 12 and another's 8) just as I can't let the scale play head-games with me. 

I hope this helps a bit. 

Karen

I think that you have to dress the body that you have. Don't get rid of the 10's - you'll get back there, but in the meantime you have to dress so that you feel good about yourself.

I agree with Karen that clothes are made differently by every manufacturer, cut etc. You might be a 12 in one cut / brand and a 8 in another.

Thank you, both, for your input. 

I decided to go ahead and buy the 12.  They're my "Lyme jeans" and they are temporary.  And they should be a reasonable way to track what's going on with my size, as they don't have the give that my "fat pants" have.

I was struck most by Liz's comment about dressing the body you have and Karen's use of the word "hide."  I can't believe, after all the hard work on body and mind, that I still have issues with accepting and loving my body just as it is.  But it's there and I guess it's just one of those lifelong fights, one that evolves rather than disappears.

It shows me I'm still in need of an overall plan for getting my whole head and heart into trying to regain my health while battling chronic illness/pain.  So...new goal for the week then!

Lisa

Lisa,

I can so relate to what you wrote with regard to accepting our bodies as they are. . .  I had some regain recently and while my clothes still fit, albeit tighter, I have felt like a failure and like you know I must continue to work on the whole mind/body thing, as well as the reason I gained some of this weight, which for me was about some emotional eating due to some issues at my job. . .  it's truly a day at a time challenge and I am now trying to take each day and look for my successes instead of focusing on the scale numbers. . .

Wishing you the best and hoping you regain mentally what it is you need for your chronic illness/pain.

Sending you hugs, Laureen