Distorted thinking and forgetting im trying to diet.

swedeville1
on 4/21/10 12:59 am - Mount Pleasant, PA

OK, here are a few things I have discovered about myself and some of the distortions I convince myself of in order to eat unhealthy. 

Distortion one!  Today I woke up and was unable to walk because my back is currently out-of-whack (weight related? probably).  So, I convince myself that I need to eat more to gain some strength in order to deal with my ailment.  Well, two pop tarts later and you guessed it, my back still hurts. 

Distortion two!  Last night I went over to a friends house to watch the hockey game.  After a few beers he says "I'm ordering some pizza and wings, are you hungry?"  I told him I just ate before I came over so he dropped it for a bit.  Another friend showed up and the food was finally ordered.  I wasn't really hungry and didn't think I would eat much if any.  Well as I was finishing my third piece of pizza I thought to myself "wait a minute I'm not supposed to be eating this, why did I do it?"  Honestly its like I forgot I was trying to diet.  I think I just blocked it out.  Like eating is just a natural pattern of mine, I was on auto pilot. 

I cant wait to get this surgery done so I can finally interrupt this pattern and really take a look at why I eat and to finally get off cruise control.

PS.  I took the plunge and posted some before pics on my profile.


Thanks for listening!
Swede
 

HW=400  SW=383  CW=252  GW=240
Pounds to go=12!!!  Pounds Lost =148

jojobear98
on 4/21/10 1:15 am - Gettysburg, PA
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Just had to yell that at you! LOL

I *still* eat when I am not really hungry. I *still* find my way eating things I am not supposed to. It's hard. It's ALWAYS a struggle. Even after surgery. It's a mind set that is hard to run with. For the most part, it does get a little easier, but old habits and mind games are always there.

I hope you realize that surgery doesn't magically change your mind set. And that it takes just as much thought and effort post op as it did pre-op. I promise it's worth it. I promise WLS works. But it's not easy and it's something that has to be thought about daily.

Some days I get sick of thinking about what to eat, how much to eat, and nutrition. But I also know that I have to think about it, because when I don't make concious decisions about food, I end up grabbing things and eating things I am not supposed to.

Congrats for understanding your food issues. Battling them is your future.

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!


 

 

Liz R.
on 4/21/10 1:47 am - Easton, PA
I agree with Jodi 100% - I probably think more about food now then I ever did before. What, when, how much, etc about EVERYTHING that goes in your mouth. After about 6 months is habit though, you automatically look to see how much fat and sugar is in something. Those first few post op grocery trips - well block out an afternoon! lol

You aren't alone and that's when we are here to kick you in the butt and remind you to get on track. It happens to all of us, but if we work toghether we can overcome it.

WLS is the tool - we'll teach you how to use it.

Liz
Lisa H.
on 4/21/10 2:14 am - Whitehall, PA
Can you teach me, too?!?! 

My tracker

hers 

Liz R.
on 4/21/10 2:22 am - Easton, PA
You know how to use it you just have to do it! But yes I'll kick you in the ass if you need it to - cause I love ya!
kgoeller
on 4/21/10 2:15 am - Doylestown, PA
Swede,

YEP - been there, done that, got the XXXL men's size t-shirt.

This journey, for me, has been about gaining consciousness.  Becoming conscious of eating as a part of my life - not eating anything without having planned to eat it, deciding to eat it, choosing to eat it... A pretty significant change for me, as I used to eat "unconsciously" (kinda deliberately unconsciously - or defiantly unconsciously).  I also ate to self-soothe, numb, "be social," mask pain, etc. 

In the first days, weeks, months after surgery, eating became something I could no longer do without planning and conscious choice.  Cutting the nerves in my stomach freed me from "stray electrical impulses" telling me that I was "hungry" (even when I wasn't)... I literally had no ability to feel hunger for several months, which very clearly pointed out to me HEAD hunger vs bodily nutrition-related hunger.  That let me get my head in gear to start asking questions about WHY i felt the urge to eat at specific instances, when I knew damn well it wasn't because I was hungry.

Now, as to your "distortion one" - you're going to have to ask yourself why the message you've embedded is eating=strength, when clearly it's not.  You can start by asking WHY you think that, and you can modify the message, as well - eating PROTEIN=strength.  Because after surgery, you'll be so focused on getting in your protein, and that does equate to building strength.  

But I'd also ask yourself "what ELSE builds strength"?  And so your dialogue can modify itself to ask which of your strength-building choices (eating protein, exercising, stretching, etc.) best fits the need in any situation.

Yes, there's a lot of work involved in this - and 98.5% of it's in your head.  They operate on your stomach to give your head room to do to the work it needs."

I hope this helps.  The fact that you're aware of and being accountable for this even pre-surg is GREAT!

Karen
swedeville1
on 4/21/10 5:03 am - Mount Pleasant, PA
Well Karen, Ive decided that your an excellent writer.  I totally understand the process of making a conscious choice to eat and planning my eating and my life.  I guess that is what I was trying to say when I said that I wanted to have the surgery in order to help interrupt this pattern.  I am looking forward to having the hunger removed (at least for a little while) so I can shift my paradigm and tackle this food addiction.  
I work as part of a clinical team that treats sex offenders and I am also responsible for doing the drug and alcohol and addiction treatment aspects of the program.  So, I have no excuses for not knowing the addiction cycle and how my eating fits into it.  I have already examined that aspect of my life and I know my head understands it, but then again it doesn't.  Relapse, relapse, relapse.  I preach and counsel about my clients making the right choices and how life didn't just get bad for them for no reason.  They are responsible for their decision and the subsequent consequences.  Now I have to be as well. 

Thanks again one and all for your responses.  I love em!

Swede

HW=400  SW=383  CW=252  GW=240
Pounds to go=12!!!  Pounds Lost =148

steffihope
on 4/21/10 2:23 am - Philadelphia, PA
Surprise......you have a weight issue! :)  JK - but - here we all do....I am down a TON of weight - and guess what I had for dinner last night, becuase I was stressed out about my children, pizza....did I have other options....OF COURSE!  Did I care....NOPE!!!!  Was it the wrong decision - you betcha!

As Jodi said - it will NEVER go away - I truly consider myself in recovery as a food addict.  And as such, I take it sometimes one hour at a time.  I can make all the excuses in the world for why I SHOULD be allowed to do whatever I want to my body, Bottom line - I was committing slow suicide prior to having this sugery.  I have been given a second chance to really live for my husband, my children, my students and most importantly, MYSELF!  Each day will bring new challenges and also new accomplishments.  I have been completely SUGAR FREE for 14 months.  It is an amazing thing to be able to say!  And there are times, when I am in a bad place, that I push that wonderful thought to the back of my head and focus on the negatives.

If there was surgery to change our brain - I would be the first to sign up for it - however, this surgery is only a tool to get us to a place where we can take the time to find out what causes us to react the way we do and find alternatives that work for us.  

For me - this board is one of the main ways I stay focused if I find that I need support - I also attend just about every meeting that Barix offers by way of support groups.  For me - talking through things is what works, it may not be that way for everyone - however, I suspect, that you are not that different and like to have connections.  Keep on coming here for support, love and real life crap....

Oh - and your pics are GREAT!  Looks like Eric might have some competition from this here cougar!

Take care and keep smiling - you have taken some VERY important steps to move in the healthy direction!
kgoeller
on 4/21/10 2:23 am - Doylestown, PA
OH - I also wanted to suggest that you change your way of thinking about your nutritional plan.  You're NOT "on a diet."  Diets are things that start and end, and that most of us have a long history of failing at.  They imply that you're on them only to lose weight, then you get to a goal, and you go off of them (after all, how many skinny people do you know who are "on a diet"?).

What you're doing is adapting a new outlook on health that incorporates healthy nutritional choices.  It's a "lifestyle change" (well, overhaul, for most of us).  It's something that will stay with you for life, not something that you go on or off at will.  You don't "break" it if you deviate from it - you just redirect yourself to get back on track.  It's all about choices and making good ones - choosing to make a good eating choice, choosing to move your body and exercise, choosing to take care of your health.  
I know it may sound "pedantic" to address such a picky terminology issue, but it's a word that carries so much baggage for many of us, that the mindset behind it can, in itself, help derail even the best efforts. 

I'm not "on a diet."  I HAVE MADE a change in my nutritional habits.  Big, empowering difference in the way saying those things makes your feel about your efforts!

Hope this helps!
Karen
lynnc99
on 4/21/10 4:38 am
You've had some excellent replies here, really pointing toward a state of mindfulness.

Previously, eating was something I did...just because...whenever. I would eat while I was looking for something to eat. I had no idea exactly how much I ate, or why.

Your WLS journey will indeed make you think about food MORE not LESS. But you will ask meaningful questions about the food you eat.

You will ask, "How does this food contribute to my nutritional well being?"

You will ask, "Will this food make me feel better or worse? Will eating this food bring me closer to my goal?"

How insightful that you see the distortions in your thinking early in the process. These remind me of some of the faulty thinking patterns identified in the Beck Diet Solution book (such as: thin people eat everything they want to eat.)

Best of luck! Lynn
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