Surgiversary reflections
One year ago today, I was sitting in Barix waiting for my turn in the OR with Dr. Pupkova. I was nervous, hungry, irritable, and scared. I almost backed out 3 times, including once in the pre-surg prep area.
When i came out of anesthesia, Dr. P was there telling me that I was fine BUT she hadn't been able to complete my bypass because she had found lesions in my abdomen. She had reconnected my stomach, formed a little pouch from the reconnected area, and reattached it to my "big" stomach without rerouting to my intestine. I couldn't dump and she warned me that my pouch would be VERY easy to stretch out. I promised her and myself that none of that mattered - I would act just as if she had completed the rerouting and would follow the plan. And I did.
It's a year later now. The oncologists she referred me to for the lesions have cleared me with no followups needed at this time. I've shed 100 pounds. I still don't eat sugar, I still exercise formally 4 - 5 times a week (and have made my whole life more active) and still follow the RNY nutritional plan. While I believe that the little pouch has definitely stretched out some since my surgery, as expected, I have been very careful not to overfill it and to help it do its job for me. At my 1-year appointment yesterday, Dr. P indicated that with my permission (which I gave) she wants to write up and publish my case because she didn't expect such significant results from it. I firmly believe that the fact that she completely cut the nerves to my stomach before doing the reattachment was the key for me - it freed me from a lifetime of being "slave to my belly" and its unrelenting hunger. It let me clearly be able to see what was physical hunger and what was head hunger in those early months of healing - which let me get my head behind WHY I was allowing non-physical things to trigger eating.
I'm not perfect on this path and I've still got a TON to learn about myself and my emotional and psychological path. But this has been a year of discovery, exploration, and learning that I treasure and value - it's put me on a more positive path than I've ever felt in my life.
In some ways, I've joked that it's put me back through puberty. In reality, it's more like it's been a "growing up" process that I never had. Understand that I was fat my entire life. I was "born fat" and my mom delights (to this day) in telling people what an insatiable eater I was as an infant. Which, of course, led to the same behavior as a child, an adolescent, etc. I was bullied throughout school, had few friends, and led an isolated life, made more isolated by a grossly overprotective mother. I know understand how that become a self-replicating cycle, as I hid myself, became more sedentary, and dressed/behaved in a way to avoid notice. I ate to numb, to gain approval of a parent who would never approve, and to self-soothe. In this past year, as I struggled free of that legacy, I had to learn and re-learn many of the things that girls typically figure out in their teens... things like how to dress, how to wear makeup, how to wear heels (gracefully, which is still a challenge some days!), how to deal with flirting (especially with the complexity of being married), and so much more.
This tool has done many things for me:
* Helped me gain self-confidence
* Helped me become active and discover the joy of moving my body
* Helped me go from feeling 85 years old getting out of bed every morning, with joints that hurt and creaked, to someone who feels GOOD getting up and whose joints don't hurt.
* Helped me discover some truly amazing friends who will be a part of my life forever and who are the most precious gifts I could ask for
* Shown me what SUPPORT really is - and what it can do to empower each and every one of us
* Given me a really horrible shoe addiction (transfer addictions, anyone?)
* Helped me re-learn to TASTE food and truly enjoy it by slowing down and savoring/appreciating it
* Dropped my triglicerides from an appalling 370 to 83. And my cholesterol from the 220s to the 140s, and switching the proportions from bad to good of the HDL/LDL.
* Got me off the CPAP machine.
* Hopefully has helped me avoid or at least delay some of the horrible genetic timebombs that my father's family is "blessed" with (cancer, diabetes, arthritis, heart disease, you name it...)
* Given my family cause to celebrate with me and my kids one less excuse to be embarassed to introduce me to their friends and their families
* Helped me realize that this is a lifelong journey, not a "diet" with a beginning and an end. The hard parts are yet to come, but the exhilaration, momentum, positive habits, and continued support will help me through them.
I do not regret one second of this experience and only wish I had had the courage to do it much earlier in my life.
I thank every one of you for your help and support over the past year. You've all played a role in where I've come in my life and I truly appreciate it. My heart is full.
When I get the digital copies, I'll post my before and after pics.
Karen
When i came out of anesthesia, Dr. P was there telling me that I was fine BUT she hadn't been able to complete my bypass because she had found lesions in my abdomen. She had reconnected my stomach, formed a little pouch from the reconnected area, and reattached it to my "big" stomach without rerouting to my intestine. I couldn't dump and she warned me that my pouch would be VERY easy to stretch out. I promised her and myself that none of that mattered - I would act just as if she had completed the rerouting and would follow the plan. And I did.
It's a year later now. The oncologists she referred me to for the lesions have cleared me with no followups needed at this time. I've shed 100 pounds. I still don't eat sugar, I still exercise formally 4 - 5 times a week (and have made my whole life more active) and still follow the RNY nutritional plan. While I believe that the little pouch has definitely stretched out some since my surgery, as expected, I have been very careful not to overfill it and to help it do its job for me. At my 1-year appointment yesterday, Dr. P indicated that with my permission (which I gave) she wants to write up and publish my case because she didn't expect such significant results from it. I firmly believe that the fact that she completely cut the nerves to my stomach before doing the reattachment was the key for me - it freed me from a lifetime of being "slave to my belly" and its unrelenting hunger. It let me clearly be able to see what was physical hunger and what was head hunger in those early months of healing - which let me get my head behind WHY I was allowing non-physical things to trigger eating.
I'm not perfect on this path and I've still got a TON to learn about myself and my emotional and psychological path. But this has been a year of discovery, exploration, and learning that I treasure and value - it's put me on a more positive path than I've ever felt in my life.
In some ways, I've joked that it's put me back through puberty. In reality, it's more like it's been a "growing up" process that I never had. Understand that I was fat my entire life. I was "born fat" and my mom delights (to this day) in telling people what an insatiable eater I was as an infant. Which, of course, led to the same behavior as a child, an adolescent, etc. I was bullied throughout school, had few friends, and led an isolated life, made more isolated by a grossly overprotective mother. I know understand how that become a self-replicating cycle, as I hid myself, became more sedentary, and dressed/behaved in a way to avoid notice. I ate to numb, to gain approval of a parent who would never approve, and to self-soothe. In this past year, as I struggled free of that legacy, I had to learn and re-learn many of the things that girls typically figure out in their teens... things like how to dress, how to wear makeup, how to wear heels (gracefully, which is still a challenge some days!), how to deal with flirting (especially with the complexity of being married), and so much more.
This tool has done many things for me:
* Helped me gain self-confidence
* Helped me become active and discover the joy of moving my body
* Helped me go from feeling 85 years old getting out of bed every morning, with joints that hurt and creaked, to someone who feels GOOD getting up and whose joints don't hurt.
* Helped me discover some truly amazing friends who will be a part of my life forever and who are the most precious gifts I could ask for
* Shown me what SUPPORT really is - and what it can do to empower each and every one of us
* Given me a really horrible shoe addiction (transfer addictions, anyone?)
* Helped me re-learn to TASTE food and truly enjoy it by slowing down and savoring/appreciating it
* Dropped my triglicerides from an appalling 370 to 83. And my cholesterol from the 220s to the 140s, and switching the proportions from bad to good of the HDL/LDL.
* Got me off the CPAP machine.
* Hopefully has helped me avoid or at least delay some of the horrible genetic timebombs that my father's family is "blessed" with (cancer, diabetes, arthritis, heart disease, you name it...)
* Given my family cause to celebrate with me and my kids one less excuse to be embarassed to introduce me to their friends and their families
* Helped me realize that this is a lifelong journey, not a "diet" with a beginning and an end. The hard parts are yet to come, but the exhilaration, momentum, positive habits, and continued support will help me through them.
I do not regret one second of this experience and only wish I had had the courage to do it much earlier in my life.
I thank every one of you for your help and support over the past year. You've all played a role in where I've come in my life and I truly appreciate it. My heart is full.
When I get the digital copies, I'll post my before and after pics.
Karen
Karen,
Beautifully put!! Congratulations on all your WOW's and you ROCK this WLS journey. I am glad to call you my friend as well. Keep on Successing.
Beautifully put!! Congratulations on all your WOW's and you ROCK this WLS journey. I am glad to call you my friend as well. Keep on Successing.
-Shilpa
People comment on my over 100 pound weight loss and attribute it to my WILLpower, but it is my WANTpower: I WANT to be thin and healthy more than anything else!
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