A not so quick update - now with GOOD news as of Wed AM!
A much better update this morning. The biggest problem last night was there were no answers, the social worker wasn't available, and they have no voicemail for my parents to leave a message for them.
However, my dad got in touch with a WONDERFUL social worker today who spent well over 20 mins on the phone with him. She answered all of his questions to the best of her ability.
My brother has been restarted on meds. The psychiatrist came in and did a full assessment last night, although she didn't have the results of that because it was still being written up. He is restricted from visitors until at least Saturday. She said she was able to have a conversation with him today, and he was significantly calmer, and more cooperative. She said yesterdays emotions from him were to be a bit expected as A) he had been off meds for quite some time B) he has never been in a facility like that before (he had only done rehab before, not "psych"), and C) had a lot of change in 24 hours. He also signed consent for the staff to talk freely with my parents and give information over the phone. This is a HUGE step as it shows that they are not "dead" to him as he had said earlier in the chaos.
He's still got a long road ahead...as do we...but one of the biggest anxiety producers during all of this was the inability to contact staff and get any sort of confidence inspiring conversations from them.
As far as transferring...it's a little bit more difficult to do than said. He's uninsured so many places either A) won't take him and B) don't have beds available. St. James is apparantly connected with St. Michaels, which is a good facility And now that they've gotten the ball rolling in one facility, we don't want to rock the boat further and have to start from square one.
However, my dad got in touch with a WONDERFUL social worker today who spent well over 20 mins on the phone with him. She answered all of his questions to the best of her ability.
My brother has been restarted on meds. The psychiatrist came in and did a full assessment last night, although she didn't have the results of that because it was still being written up. He is restricted from visitors until at least Saturday. She said she was able to have a conversation with him today, and he was significantly calmer, and more cooperative. She said yesterdays emotions from him were to be a bit expected as A) he had been off meds for quite some time B) he has never been in a facility like that before (he had only done rehab before, not "psych"), and C) had a lot of change in 24 hours. He also signed consent for the staff to talk freely with my parents and give information over the phone. This is a HUGE step as it shows that they are not "dead" to him as he had said earlier in the chaos.
He's still got a long road ahead...as do we...but one of the biggest anxiety producers during all of this was the inability to contact staff and get any sort of confidence inspiring conversations from them.
As far as transferring...it's a little bit more difficult to do than said. He's uninsured so many places either A) won't take him and B) don't have beds available. St. James is apparantly connected with St. Michaels, which is a good facility And now that they've gotten the ball rolling in one facility, we don't want to rock the boat further and have to start from square one.
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
I can hear the relief in your words Pam...And remember - someone said this to me a while back when I was dealing with a sick family member...It may be a long road....but it is good to at least be ON the road. And my little added words of wisdom...Remember that not all roads are paved evenly! :) Can't wait to see you on Saturday!
I'm very glad to hear that he has calmed down; this will make it much easier on your folks and you.
When my son was abusing meth, I went to a family counseling session and the therapist told me something that really resonated with me and my mother, who was also there: "...as a Mom, you want to step in and help him. As a person, you can only do so much, and he has to do most of the work. You can't save him, he's not a little boy anymore. You've done what you can." This was such a relief to me, to know that I wasn't abandoning him.
Your Mom has to be given this reassurance also--she's not responsible for him any more. I'd like to urge that the family or even just you and your Mom go to the family group. She's obviously at the end of her rope.
Sometimes we have to step back, for our own health, and this sounds like what your Mom needs to be told that it is OK for her to do.
Best wishes,
When my son was abusing meth, I went to a family counseling session and the therapist told me something that really resonated with me and my mother, who was also there: "...as a Mom, you want to step in and help him. As a person, you can only do so much, and he has to do most of the work. You can't save him, he's not a little boy anymore. You've done what you can." This was such a relief to me, to know that I wasn't abandoning him.
Your Mom has to be given this reassurance also--she's not responsible for him any more. I'd like to urge that the family or even just you and your Mom go to the family group. She's obviously at the end of her rope.
Sometimes we have to step back, for our own health, and this sounds like what your Mom needs to be told that it is OK for her to do.
Best wishes,
Thanks so much. I told mom the same thing..but coming from a daughter as opposed to someone else, it probably didn't resonate with her.
I appreciate the imput. She's definately at the end of her rope. And because she vented to me, she was then able to go to my father "with both barrells loaded" as he later told me and I think there will be some changes made. And Brian and I have offered to take my grandparents (her parents) to doctors office appointments and stuff. I've ALWAYS been available, but in her words "I never even thought to ask you" so of course I reiterated the need for delegation and for her to NOT do everything.
I appreciate the imput. She's definately at the end of her rope. And because she vented to me, she was then able to go to my father "with both barrells loaded" as he later told me and I think there will be some changes made. And Brian and I have offered to take my grandparents (her parents) to doctors office appointments and stuff. I've ALWAYS been available, but in her words "I never even thought to ask you" so of course I reiterated the need for delegation and for her to NOT do everything.
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.
Pam,
Your parents and you are to be commended. So many dual diagnosis patients burn bridges with family, and never regain, or restore their relationships with them. Being a dual diagnosis person, I understand how it can happen, and having a son who has done rehab multiple times, I understand both ends of this.
If your brother does not have insurance, do you think he might qualify for Medical Assistance? The social worker at the hospital should be able to help him get that paperwork started, if he is without work.
As for your Dad's unwillingness to participate in any family support groups, I understand his unwillingness. I also believe that it would give him the opportunity to express his feelings about what is happening with his son, in a safe place where the people can relate and offer him encouragement and support. My ex and I went to a few family group sessions together when my son was involved in his heroin addiction.
In any event, please don't hesitate to call and cry, talk, yell, or whatever you need. I am home most of the day nursing the phlebitis, so I am usually here.
Hugs,
Trish
Your parents and you are to be commended. So many dual diagnosis patients burn bridges with family, and never regain, or restore their relationships with them. Being a dual diagnosis person, I understand how it can happen, and having a son who has done rehab multiple times, I understand both ends of this.
If your brother does not have insurance, do you think he might qualify for Medical Assistance? The social worker at the hospital should be able to help him get that paperwork started, if he is without work.
As for your Dad's unwillingness to participate in any family support groups, I understand his unwillingness. I also believe that it would give him the opportunity to express his feelings about what is happening with his son, in a safe place where the people can relate and offer him encouragement and support. My ex and I went to a few family group sessions together when my son was involved in his heroin addiction.
In any event, please don't hesitate to call and cry, talk, yell, or whatever you need. I am home most of the day nursing the phlebitis, so I am usually here.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Thanks Trish :)
Mom vented to me and then was able to vent to my father and I think things will be better. Not to mention with all the answers we now have, that alone helps put her mind at ease. Yesterday was formulating more questions than answers and that was just compounding the anxiety.
I'll definately give you a call if I need it. I'm so lucky to have Brian who has gone through the same with his mother, so he's been awesome to lean on.
As far as relationship burning - I could totally see how easy that would be to do. I must admit - I was on the brink. But.....I don't want to do that. Not yet. The relationship will change. I told Brian that I will refuse to let him influence me negatively etc. I dont' have a game plan in mind yet...I need to see how he is during treatment and afterwards and stuff....
Mom vented to me and then was able to vent to my father and I think things will be better. Not to mention with all the answers we now have, that alone helps put her mind at ease. Yesterday was formulating more questions than answers and that was just compounding the anxiety.
I'll definately give you a call if I need it. I'm so lucky to have Brian who has gone through the same with his mother, so he's been awesome to lean on.
As far as relationship burning - I could totally see how easy that would be to do. I must admit - I was on the brink. But.....I don't want to do that. Not yet. The relationship will change. I told Brian that I will refuse to let him influence me negatively etc. I dont' have a game plan in mind yet...I need to see how he is during treatment and afterwards and stuff....
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.
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