ATTN: Moms and teachers

I like this she has good ideas

It works on kids and dogs.
It's called "Nothing In Life Is Free"

Start with a clean slate. Just the basics that must be provided. Room, bed, basic non-designer clothing and food. Everything beyond that is earned and then rewarded. Stop performing at a satisfactory level the privilege is taken away.

What I call punishment is way more severe then taking away things a child really doesn't need or isn't essential isn' punishment. Actual punishment is reserved for after a child knows exactly what the rules are and what is expected they choose to willfully ignore or disrespect.

Taking away a Wii or cell isn't punishment, it's bringing your child back to reality.

In real life you perform at a high level and there are benefits, slack off and you lose privilege.

I like the idea of a Daily Report, which can be done in an Agenda Book, if the school provides it, or in a composition book.  She writes her homework, and has the teacher initial and/or comment if the homework was missing, or the gym uniform was not worn.  Then, you sign at night, and the teachers know you are in the loop.

Then, at the end of the week, if the week has been successful, you reinforce with something fun.  If something was missed, take away something till she has a successful week. 

Like Nicole, I lacked the study skills, so I was an underachiever in school.

Good Luck,
Hugs,
Trish

Sorry that youa re going through this - Siehara is smarter then that, there is more going on. I love the idea of community service, maybe it'll show her how lucky she is (not just with school things but home issues too - she has a kick ass Mom afterall!).

Maybe I am dating myself but does she still get a "Friday Folder"? Maybe ask the teachers to put a weekly progress report in there that you have to sign and she has to return. I know for a while too my Aunt was getting daily e-mails for her kids about what was going on in school etc. That way you take her out of control of giving the information to you and go straight to the source. These e-mails could also include homework assignments, extra credit opportunities etc. While Mia is a little young for homework I was actually thinking about it last night, my plan is to have her sit at the kitchen table or island and do her homework while I make dinner. That way I am completly involved in what is going on.

Good luck hun!

 thanks again everyone for your thoughts. 

She gets an agenda, we have the parent portal, teacher emails me when there's an issue.  All the pieces are in place, EXCEPT for the memory or choice of the child to do the things she needs to do.  
We discussed the incentive for earning the reward last night and she was very excited.  We will either do hair or nails together over spring break if she can do 21/23 homework assignments and bring gym clothes 5/7 of the days between now and spring break. 

I'm willing to see how this works.  There is a calendar on the fridge with gym days marked and we will put a noticeable mark or sticker on the days as she accomplishes her goals. 

Wish us luck!

Lisa sorry you're going thru this but my concern would be to find out why she is doing certain things she shouldn't do and why she is not doing things she should do?  Whenever I want to discipline Heather I take away her cell phone and her cable tv and her horse.  OMG does this child have it rough ot what?  I don't know how I grew up w/o all of those things so my husband is the math whiz I am the english one and I have an open line of communication with all of her teachers I will say and this is nothing against teachers believe me I have the utmost respect for them its a tough job educating others I feel they are so unappreciated but if Heather is slacking off I need to know.  I would get in touch with all her teachers and say to them where is the homework assignments is my daughter not turning them in?  I am the kind of mom that when I check Heather out I do it in front of her.  I think when she tells you she is trying her best find out what it is that she is not able to do and find help for it for example if she has to stay after school for the teacher to go over with it her until she is comfortable make her do that.  I don't believe in the term Lazy I think alot of these kids get bored. 

So many excellent responses! I'm glad to hear she is excited about her reward program. A couple of words of wisdom from your resident behavior analyst...

1. enable her to succeed. The calendar is a good start. But like Nicole said, she needs to learn the skill and can't be expected to improved just based upon incentives.

2. Change the reward. Don't always have it be the same thing all the time and make it a surprise sometimes.

3. Don't take things away... have them be earned instead. I know it may seem like a matter of symantics, but it is a critical difference. I know this was mentioned in a couple of posts and I can't emphasize the importance enough.

4. Be consistent and immediate. If you don't follow through with the plan then why should she? Let her know as soon as she does something positive or negative... don't wait until the end of the week to say that she forgot her gym clothes on monday. Keep track of the progress daily.

Let me know anytime you have questions :o)
Kristine

 Kris, thanks for responding.  

We are almost 2 weeks into this particular incentive.  She is a bright kid, just very forgetful.  Her teacher has been checking and signing her agenda on a nightly basis and I have been checking her work and signing her agenda before she goes back to school.  She has done her homework every night so far.  There has been one incident of inappropriate gym clothes.  

We put the calendar on the fridge and after she shows me her work and I tell her great job for remembering, she then goes and puts a smiley face on the day of the week.  Tomorrow, she is sleeping over at grandmas.  Because she has turned in her homework consistently, I am going to allow her to have her TV privileges back while she is there.  (she doesn't know this)

Thanks again to everyone for their feedback.  I am so grateful to have such a wealth of knowledge, experience and advice at my fingertips (literally).