Sincerity

 

First things first, I want to sincerely apologize for the hurt and drama that my words caused.  My biting sarcasm has landed me in ho****er before, but never with this level of power. 

Assumptions were made about to whom I was referring to in my post last Thursday.  To those of you that are parents, if someone hurts your child, the gloves come off.  I have tried on countless occasions to speak directly to the individual with whom I was referring.  There was no response. I did try to reach out.  This was not afforded to me here.  Not one person felt it appropriate to contact me directly to call me on my mistake.  

I have made mistakes on here before.  The moment I realized that my sarcasm was taken in a way that I did not mean, I immediately sought out the individual privately, apologized and cleared the air.  That is how I work.

I am not necessarily a “mean girl."  As I have gotten older, I have started to realize that not everyone has to like me.  It is a hard pill to swallow. I will look back on this and realize that people come in and out of our lives for a reason.

 

This journey is a long one.  It is never going to be completely smooth.  I don’t regret the majority of things that I have done over the last three years.  I have spent countless hours learning about the new me – good AND bad.  I have been very fortunate to have met so many of you and share your journeys as well.  You have all helped to shape me. 

 

For those individuals for whom I will no longer have a relationship, I will mourn us.  For those on the fence, maybe a private message would help.  For my true friends, who will continue to talk through things and who will continue to stand by me and me to them, remember……some relationships ARE worth the fight! 

 Steffi,

I did call you out on your mistake on FB and told you EXACTLY why I thought it was wrong and just plain mean. Sarcastic or not talking about body image on a weight loss support site is just wrong! I don't really know what happened between you and this person but it really is none of my business. 

I have made a pledge to rid myself of any meanness, believe me I had enough of that growing up.

I wish you well and hope that we can be cordial if we see each other at support group. I have no Ill
will toward you but I really feel no friendship ties there. 

Beth

P.S.  Thank you for apologizing....that is the road to healing both the site and hopefully yourself

Steffi,

An apology is a good way to begin the process of healing. . .

Indeed you caused quite a stir, but I think the reason you did so, was that you attacked someone on a level, and in a manner that we have all felt before, the scorn and ridicule of being obese and not looking like everyone else, and to be quite frank with you, I neither know, nor do I care who that person was, because what you did could have been directed at anyone of us, attacking someone's appearance is the same thing as calling people with disabilities names, it is an unkind thing to do, and even as you wrote it, you acknowledged it, when your talked about being smugly satisified in their appearance being less than what you thought it should be after having WLS and plastics and resorting to high school mean girl and that is why people were up in arms originally. 

Steffi, if you were someone first looking for information and support and saw that, think how you might take it.  It does not engender good feelings, it does not allow people to safely share their fears and feelings, for fear of judgment.  

I know you are a well educated and smart woman and I believe in my heart you are a wonderful person, who made a bad mistake, your coming back and owning that you did the wrong thing is good. 

The last thing I wish to say is that real friendship does not blindly yield to one another's wrong doing, it is sometimes holding one another accountable for actions that in hindsight should be withheld, for in so doing you serve the greater good in one another helping to build strength and positive growth in one another.  Sometimes we need to really think before we act, if I’ve learned anything in my years, it is not to react to emotions, but to give it a chance to filter through and if need be, I go to a trusted friend, bounce it off them and decide what I need to do.  A hurtful word or unkind deed is never forgotten, even if forgiven, the pain is always there under the surface.

I wish you peace and that the situation is over for you and whoever else was involved, as well as for this Forum.

Laureen

Steffi;

Thank you for addressing this.  I appreciate that. 

I know the reason did not reach out to you personally and call you on this (as you suggested above) was because I did not feel safe to be able to do so.  I felt safer once Lynn started a conversation.  As I stated I did a lot of research and soul searching prior to writing.  As I have continued to reflect on this today I realized when I read the post I felt as if the post had reached through the computer kicked me in the stomach knocking the air out of me.  Again thank you for addressing this, I truely appreciate you for doing so. 

Ida

Steffi, thank you for your apology.

I made no assumption about who you were referring to. It doesn't matter.

Whatever the intent, you are the one who used the words "high school mean girl" and "smug." No other person attached those words in a judgemental way. I for one was unaware that the phrase "mean girl" had such a storied history at Barix. I was responding only to your use of the term in your post.

Your remark was made publicly, so the feedback was also public. The "call out" came almost immediately in Thursday's thread, with several wide open invitations to apologize....no response from you until today, in fact.  

Lessons here for many of us. Some difficult to learn and digest.

I believe - and hope - that the PA OH community will hit the "reset" button and focus on successing and supporting one another.

 

Steffi and Everyone,

I am guessing that many *****sponded were not even sure to whom you were referring. What got to many of us is that the words that were said.  Most of us have had to put up with a lot of cruel comments for much of our lives.  

I do understand that when we feel hurt and anger towards others we get a sense of satisfaction when we feel that person has been avenged.  Most of us have experienced this. We are all entitled to our feelings.  We feel what we feel.  But we need to be very careful about what we say out loud and what we write on all of these public forums.  

Many of us are still struggling with emotional issues regarding body image and all other weight related issues. We are works in progress.

It has saddened me to see all the different factions that have come from a group whose purpose was and still is support for ALL those in need.  I can't say any of this surprises me because I watched cliques form and exclude others starting way back when I went to meetings at Shauna's and Heather W's houses.  I am old and wise enough to know that of course there are going to be people who have more in common and will form closer friendships.  That doesn't mean it doesn't make one feel bad if they become excluded.  The problem exacerbates when various cliques flaunt how special they are.

In conclusion, let's all think before we act.  Not every thing has to be said out loud and in public.