Well, the vets know me as an exercise fanatic, gym rat, runner, swimmer, weight lifter, etc. Before I had these health issues, I was the go to person for exercise motivation and boy do I love it! I started out slowly. I lifted weights 3 days/week for 30 minutes. That was doable. Then I started to walk for 30 minutes on non-weight lifting days. Well, that was not good enough for me. Walking was too boring, so I did running intervals. Boy, that killed me, but it felt good to be able to run. When I saw the results scale wise, clothing wise, etc, I ran more. I enjoyed it. I would then add more weight lifting and I enjoyed that too. I would lift weights 3 days/week for 2 hours, then do 3-5 miles of running. On non-weight lifting days, I would do interval training for 5-8 miles or work on distance (running 10 miles). I wanted to run my first half-marathon and I was making progress quickly! My weight was not melting off my any means, but I was losing at an acceptable rate (10-13 pounds/month... my dad can lose that much in 2 weeks... so I always compare myself to him). I was eating about 1100 calories/day to lose weight. Now, here comes the confession part... I did lose 145 pounds in the first year post-banding (145 pounds of the 200 to lose). People think that is a lot, that it is great, etc. Don't get me wrong, losing that weight was great. Being active (that active) for the first time in my life was great... but I didn't exactly do it the best way. Most of the time I felt good, but I didn't know the limits of my body. The dietitian told me to eat 1500-1800 calories/day to provide proper nutrition for that level of activity. When I ate that much, I wouldn't lose and I would even gain. Losing weight has been an extremely difficult problem for me my whole life (crappy metabolism and genes... mom was 450 # before cancer dropped some weight off her before her death). So, by upping the calories, it caused a stop in my weight loss and even a gain. That surprised the dietitian, but she said to listen to my body, get enough carbs, protein, and a good multi-vitamin. Well, I did all that. I ate a healthy balanced diet, I drank plenty of water, and got enough vitamins. I am guessing my body didn't like all the activity? I became B12 deficient, protein deficient, and got premature ventricular contractions (PVC). I just have this nagging guilt that being so hard on my body with all that exercise caused the problems I am having now. Maybe it exacerbated the hiatal hernia (which they think I had at the time of my band surgery but was so small they didn't see it). I wonder if it caused my bladder disease (but the urologist said unlikely... but I still have that horrible feeling that I am to blame because when I was running that is when my symptoms started). I wonder if the exercise caused the nutrient deficiencies. B12 in the 200's was really surprising to everyone considering my age and healthy diet (and never missing a dose of a good multi-vitamin). Still more confession... "You might be thinking, well 2 hours/day isn't all that excessive. I lift weights and don't have any problems. I started running and don't have problems. I can run a marathon and don't have problems." Why I feel the guilt is as follows: I exercised too hard. I would lift weights until I got dizzy, nauseated, and even vomited on occasion (just due to the intensity of it). I would run 10 miles but not refuel my body when I got home. I would run all that time, burn off my glycogen stores, and then let my body starve as I went to bed. I started to get the PVC's pretty regularily and so I drank some very dilute Gatorade during the running, but that made me nauseated so I stopped drinking it. I know I pushed my body too far and I just am wrapped up in guilt that I brought about these health problems because I didn't listen to my body. I guess I just had to get this off my chest. I miss exercise tremendously, but I cannot do it right now. I will try water walking, but regular walking hurts my bladder. So... I'll try it in the pool and see if that helps any. I just wanted to post this tonight. Maybe it's because I needed a good study break, or that I have been thinking about my upcoming surgery (getting scared now), or maybe it is due to the guilt that if I just slowed down, maybe I wouldn't need the surgery? I don't know if my guilt it justified or not... I just feel that pushing my body that hard did something wrong. But here's the kicker, without pushing it that hard, I couldn't lose the weight. Without restricting my calories like that (and at 24 y/o with that much activity, I would need more than 1100 calories/day), I wouldn't lose weight. Now and then I would have 1500, but that was a splurge day. I just wish I didn't push my body so hard. I remember one of the last times I lifted weights that hard, I nearly fainted (got tunnel vision and my friend grabbed me and walked me over to the couch at the gym to lie down). I was given water, told to raise my legs up, and the room just kept spinning. I remained there for 30 minutes. Guess what I did after the room stopped spinning? I went back to weight lifting. I just didn't know when to stop. Is that an addiction? I don't know. I think I was just so driven to lose the weight that I did anything to keep it going. Losing weight is like moving mountains for me. They even suggested RNY for me but I knew at 17 y/o (when they suggested it) that I wouldn't do well with it (dumping is a horrible side effect in my mind). I always wondered if I needed the malabsorption component, but I just don't trust it. I got the band and said that I would put in more effort than expected. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't like I was doing something that was torturing me... I enjoyed the exercise, but I didn't know when to stop. I guess you would compare it to someone that has a chocolate binge. They don't know when to stop. I never had that with anything before. I guess the fat kid in me (the one that could never do as much as everyone else) got carried away when I was able to move better? Who knows. I got compliments at the gym like, " That's really impressive" or my doctor saying "You have the blood pressure and heartrate of an athelete" that fuled my perfectionistic/type A personality? I guess I just have guilt and I also miss that exercise... but I also know I can't do that to my body again. There are exercise builimics that spend hours upon hours at the gym. That wasn't me. I would rarely go over 2 hours... but I just exercised too INTENSELY. I never told anyone this before... so I guess I just was thinking about it and wanted to come clean. I hear people say that I am an inspiration and I feel guilty for that too. I don't want someone to push their body like that. If you admire my "drive", that's fine... but not my weight loss numbers. I don't feel too proud of that. Sigh... I guess I am done. Sorry this was so long!

Happy Birthday!!

B: oatmeal w/nat pb L: tomato soup & cheezits D: went out with a friend, had 3/4 of a bowl of chili at Chilis (their chili rocks!) had some ice cream later.

Had a great, busy day, but not a real good food day! ha B: gr tea, V-8, 1/2 western omlette, 1 piece raisin toast L: 2 chicken fingers, w/most of coating picked off, 1/2 sweet potato, 1 piece cauliflower D: 2 pieces thin rust low carb, pizza, w/sausage, musrooms, black olives! S: Don't think so! ha Have to make up my water, have had about 70oz so far! Hope you all had a terrific day, and again, Chelle, Happy Birthday!~

Deb, I had what my doctor called a "Full lab work up," last year, and that is why, I'm on iron twice a day, now! I also, take a baby aspirin, a day, and fish oil, twice a day, and Vit. C!~ I eat blueberries, everyday, for the antioxidents, and drink green tea, for the same reason! Plus, my multi-vit.! ha