Ever lost a friend after your weight loss???

Oh Michelle --- that is bloody awful.  You must feel very hurt.  But it may just be a reflection of some anxiety she has had for you that she hasn't wanted to express.  Also - you have got it second hand and it may not have sounded so bad if you had heard it.  Talk it through with her and then if you aren't satisfied move on and leave her behind, but don't give up a friend on hearsay -- it sounds as though the two of you have so much history in common it is worth a second try.   I bet if she knew how you were feeling she would be horrified and really upset.

I really hope it works out for you -- gosh this WLS stuff is a complicated journey isn't it

Meanwhile love and kisses coming your way

Lois

Thank you so much Lois! Yes, we really do have too much history without trying a second time.

aloha,

michelle

ps-hey, you are almost at goal! let us know when we can all do the happy dance for 'ya!

I know exactly how you feel.  I have a friend just like that.  I know she is not going to handle my weight loss well.  As someone else said, it has always been her trump card that she is the thinnest of all our friends.  We also have a long history back to high school.  Bottom line is friends you have such a long history with  are hard to come by, but it is ok to take a break and let yourself calm down.   If that is what you need to do to approach her in the right frame of mind, then take a break from her...talk later with a clearer head, and I am sure everything will work out for you both...

Great advice so far. When you said that she made a comment about how little you eat . . . and rolled her eyes.  Does she  understand the way you eat now?  Does she know that yes, it is little; but does she know how often in the day you eat--that you eat balanced, enough calories and that you are not anorexic?  Don't know why but that is always an assumption when we see any skinny person "hardly eating" during an "eating event with people present" celebration--I've been guilty of that premature judgement myself. But it also sounds to me as she may be having an identity crises---"who am I in this relationship".  Before she was the "skinny one", and now, she may even be struggling with jealousy / competition issue, and that coupled with guilt because deep down she knows its mean and at the same time wanting to be happy for you because you're happy.  Kinda like what we go through as we learn not only how / what to eat, but who are we now that we are not the "funny fat girl".   Just a thought, oh yeah, can I collect a pysch fee for diagnosing someone I just read about--trying to finance a VSG you know?! lol RhondaRoo

I am so sorry to hear this but hear me out a little bit ok? From what you have written the two of you have ties that go way back...you have been there for each other thru some very serious times...the most serious times of our life in fact. I know you are hurt and upset by this...and sometimes we humans just act out on things that are not comfortable to us. She does not understand what it is like to be way heavy so you are right...she really did not "get it" But what she did see was her best friend losing weight really fast right before her eyes and it probably scared her. Scared she might lose you? Then now we have another friend in the mix...and your BEST friend could be jealous of the fact that now the two of you having the VSG *might* bond and get closer therefore she could be thinking "omg I am really going to lose my best friend" But instead of saying how she really feels....she is directing it towards WLS in general. So now either she has another friend who is going under the knife and that she will be worrying about AND the fact that she may lose you in the process of it all....like she may feel left out? This is just kind of what I see standing back from it all. Maybe I am all wrong but I think you should confront your friend. Not distance yourself away...try to get her to talk to you...Then if she still dogging you for your choice to lose the weight...then distance yourself..but maybe try just talking to her first. Of course after you have calmed down to the point where you can confront this with her. I hope this resolves itself...I hate to hear people losing good long friendships over something like this. You have done something good for your health..explain that to her. Everything you just told us. hoping this work out for you!!!! hugs Sherri

Hi Michelle, my beautiful Hawaiian friend, I can understand where you are coming from, most of my friends are thin and gorgeous but there's always one!!!!! well miss x was over having a coffee and was checking out some of my new clothes and she asked if she could try them on, god knows why as she is a size or two smaller anyway I think the whole purpose of the exercise was to show me that she's still smaller than me and that my clothes hang off of her.   Lucky I'm not a jealous type of person and I just laughed it off but it does make me wonder about the insecurities of some people.   My only advice would be to have a chat with your friend when you're feeling more relaxed about the situation, your other mate may have misinterpreted the conversation too, so it's always best to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak.

Hope the hurt passes real soon honey, cyber kisses coming your way darl!!!

Talia

 

I used to have an old girl friend who used to do the same thing to me....back in the day I would yo yo back and forth from 130-200lbs and she was always taller then me and held her weight very well....she would do the same thing...like brag to let me know that she would always be smaller. It did bother me then and I just hate it when people do that. It is THEM that has the insecurity thing going on...so needless to say I have not been in touch with that friend for many years. I am glad now that I have not been. I try to keep positive people around me....I know sometimes that is hard to do. Anyway hugs to you for going thru that Talia...you are a beautiful girl no matter what your size....truly beautiful inside and out!! hugs Sherri

Awwww  thanks for those kind words sweet Sherri, you are a gem, hugs right back atcha girlfriend :)

I am so sorry. I know how hurt you are. She really has no idea what you felt when you were heavy. She has no idea what it feels like to be that heavy and have the health problems that go along with it. Hopefully, when you're calm, you two can have a talk and get things worked out.  Teresa

From my perspective, you are losing an acquaintence (excess baggage), not a friend!