HONESTY
HW/SW/CW/GOAL
217/206/145/136
Plastics with Dr. Sauceda April 8th/2010
Mini AL, Mini TT, Medial TL, BA, Lipo
Highest: 249
Day of Surgery: 223
Current after 6 years of surgery: 143
Total lost.......................PRICELESS
I think it is important that you see the "warts and all" with this surgery.
Last week I had a really bad week and after having 2 great weeks this was a big shock to me.
I had acidity that made me feel like my throat was constricted. I had waves of nausea that were so bad I started thinking "is this what its always going to be like?". I was so hesitant to eat because of the nausea that I had a panic attack, my hands went clammy and I broke into a cold sweat and nearly passed out in front of 5 workmates because I thought I was going to be sick in front of them. (they did not know about the operation). Every time I ate one morsel of food I wanted to throw it up and felt it sliding the whole way down.
I have thought things like;
"what have I done to myself?"
"I have destroyed myself and can never change it back"
"I am going to be miserable for the rest of my life"
"I wish I could turn back time"
"Does eating ever get better or will I always feel like it is stuck in my throat"
"I wish I got the band instead (cos its reversable)"
All sorts of things. I have even made myself so sick thinking about all this stuff I have dry reached over it.
I am not ashamed of any of this.
Does this make me a mental case? No. Does it mean I did the wrong thing? No. Does this mean I should never have done this cos I wasn't ready? No. I was ready for the operation and the life change, I know that. Adjusting to it is a different thing.
It just means that I am human and everyone thinks and feels differently at different times through this process. Some people are better at this HUGE LIFE adjustment than others and some struggle a little bit.
Do I love my sleeve? No, not yet and someday I hope I will. My good days are good days and hopefully one day they will outweigh the bad ones, each one is just a step at a time.
There's actually another good reason to post the bad stuff. As one who has struggled for a while, and suffered through about three weeks of pretty intensive nausea, I had read some posts by a fellow Aussie (hey Mattman!) who had suffered strictures - one of the things I feared most.
I could then contact him directly and seek his advice. He also gave me the courage to insist to my Doc that something was wrong. An endoscopy and dilation later (my stomach had apparently kinked into a very tight V, and the nausea was so bad I was having serious trouble getting fluids in) things still aren't perfect - like Danielle I have good days and bad days. I'm hoping the good outweigh the bad eventually.
I had my second post-op consult this week and was telling the DoC about Mattman's suggestions, and he was impressed - said he'd diagnosed my problem pretty well because he was absolutely right! So there you go - post your problems and you'll no doubt help someone else, because none of us are Robinson Crusoe on this trip.
I guess when I feel rotten I don't always post (although I always put the full story in my blog eventually), but it's not because I don't want to spoil the party. It's more that I feel so bad I don't even want to think about it - it takes all I've got to get through the day, and if I dwell on it I know I'll feel even worse. My usual choice, when mind over matter just ain't working and distraction isn't either, is to get myself to bed and blessed sleep. That way I can just forget about it for a while.
I think I said in another post that I while I'm thrilled with the weight loss so far, I can't hand-on-heart say I love my VSG yet. But strangely enough, I still don't regret it (othr than a couple of pre-endoscopy moments at my absolute lowest, when I couldn't see beyond the nausea and felt that life just wasn't worth living if I fwas going to continue to feel so sick 24-7. It's melodramatic of course - seriously, I wasn't suicidal or anything, just miserable, and a tad drama queen-ish (ya think???!!!)
But overall I'm just keeping the faith that it will get better and better, and the good days will soon outweigh the bad.
cheers
Toni
30 lbs lost pre-op
The start of a long journey ... in very high heels!