"Sometimes I wish you didn't get the surgery"...

     That is what my best friend stated to me the other day.  I was deeply hurt.  I have been out almost a month and have lost 28lbs.  I am starting to feel really good.  The only 2 people that know I got the surgery are her and my boyfriend.  My boyfriend has been supportive.  I honestly thought she would be supportive as well. 
     We went to a restaurant the other day and we split a plate.  I just ate a tiny bit of the food...maybe 3 to 4oz.  She ordered soup, salad, bread and ate the other half of the dish.  She didn't even finish half of it.  She honestly thought she was pigging out in front of me.  She said that we probably can't go out to eat anymore because she feels bad that she can eat all of this food and I can't.  I told her that I don't mind that she can eat more than me.  It's not like I'm starving myself.  I truly feel full.  Mind you that it used to be the other way around.  I would pig out on a dish (and an appetizer, maybe a dessert to follow, etc.) and she wouldn't.  
     I asked her yesterday if she wanted to go eat something and she said, well, you really can't eat much anyway.  Then she stated that comment.  I don't know why, but it really hurt my feelings.  She is not anywhere near fat and I don't think she understands what it is like to be my size.  But oh well, I guess no one understands unless they have been there and done that.....like us! hahaha ;)

I am sure she will adjust give her time.  She just does not know how to respond to the new you.  Tell her you still have to eat even though it is a tiny amount.  Maybe meet for coffee/tea instead of a meal first so that it is easier for her to relax.   I hope you and she work it all out and can stay the great friends it sounds as though you were before VSG

I'm sorry that your friend's comment hurt you. You're right; she doesn't understand what life has been like for you. Perhaps you can put words to that, to help her understand. You are going to change on the outside, as the weight continues to drop. Change is difficult for others. She may feel that you will change so much that you won't want to be her friend anymore. That fear, even if subconscious, will often cause the person to pull away first. It's easier, that way. Also, even though your friend may not have a weight problem, if you and she ate out a lot together, now that you can't eat as much, it just may feel wierd, because it's such a different experience now. Arrange to go to someplace where you and your friend can have a good heart-to-heart talk. Communication is the key to working out these issues, before a friendship is lost. There are no guarantees, but it will help. Good luck in all of this.
Blessings,
Mary

I would just give your friend more time to adjust to your new way of eating.  Also, if you wait until you're three or four months post-surgery before you eat out with her again, you'll be eating in a more normal fashion.  One thing I would suggest is that when you go out with her, order your own entree from the appetizer menu instead of splitting a dinner with her.  That way, it might be less "in your face" that you are eating so little, while she eats a normal amount. 

Don't let your feelings get too hurt.  She really does just need more time to adjust, is what it sounds like.  Good luck!

Linda

Thanks for the great responses!  I know she didn't mean to hurt me and that this a new adjustment for her.  I'm still just really sensitive b/c I miss food as well.  I'm not going to go on some super diet or anything.  I will just eat everything in moderation.  That was my plan from the beginning.  I think maybe it looks like I'm starving myself when it's far from it.  I don't think that we will ever stop being friends b/c she really is a great person.  She's always inviting me out to go places but it's my own lack of confidence that gets in the way.  I think that if anything, this surgery will enhance our activities together b/c I won't feel like the "fat friend".  I used to be the fattest one in the bunch! LOL

Going out to eat with friends has little to do with eating. If it were just about the eating, you'd stay in and save the $$$. Tell her it's about sharing her company and not about the food. That's why you had the surgery - so that everything's not about the food... It's a real shame that she's now making it all about the food when you've worked so hard to change the way you operate. I go out with my friends and I just eat slowly and then take a doggie bag home. They're happy - I'm happy - and, in the end, we've accomplished what we'd set out to do - we sat in a restaurant gabbing while eating some food (doesn't matter at all how much food).

Yes I posted about this a few days back. It's incredible that a few folks just don't get it.  The reason is they never lived with the life style or understood.  That's why when they dressed a model up in a body suit she freaked at the comments.  She asked the experiment be stopped.  She saw exactly how hurtful it was.  She only did a few hours.. I just also posted about true friends.. Your gonna be OK.  Just tell her you love her and appreciate her concern but your getting well and feel free to live her life as she she fit.  You enjoy her company but would not want her to be uncomfortable with you.. Let it go at that..

From experience - tell her to hang on to her shorts cause that's not the only change that's coming!  It's hard and yes it's a transition in her life as well - she's used to you being the fatty...and that's gonna change - not that you're competing with her on who is thinner - but just the fact that she's not going to be the 'one' in the relationship - it does modify relationships!!!  Trust me - I lost a good friend over it - well I thought she was good until she started saying things presurgery like don't call me to come wipe your a$$ and I'll come over and poke you in the belly if I get any closer. 

It went downhill from there with my confrontation to her the week after my surgery and things are definitely different - we rarely hang out. 

In the end, she needs time to see this is and was the best decision for you and your own life - for your health.  Hopefully she will see you gain life from it and it won't be so intimiating to eat with you always - you will be able to eat more a little further out.

For now, try coffee as someone suggested or a movie - do things that are non-food centered!

Don't let it get to you.  She probably truly feels bad that you can't eat as much now which most people see as "not being able to enjoy eating anymore".  I feel as though I'm constantly explaining to people that I'm fine with not being able to "pig out" anymore and that I really do still enjoy going out to eat even if I eat like a bird.  Hey, we can take doggie bags and enjoy it for days on end!

I agree with Emily. Instead of going out to eat, maybe go to a coffee shop, maybe go to the mall and spend time together. Give'r time and I think she'll come around. I'm sure she didn't MEAN to hurt your feelings. I hope all works out and btw congrats on your weight lose so far =) Good luck and GOD bless =)