on 4/25/11 9:49 am - AZ
I'm so sorry about this but I gotta talk to somebody that knows what I'm going through and this forum, I feel that you are all my friends.  I am so depressed that I've actually considered ways to end it.  I'm losing my past two years of school because I had to go back into the hospital, then when I was ready to go back to school today, I got sick with diahria and couldn't go.  My kids seem to steer away from me like the plague.  My husband is a real trooper but it's just a matter of time before he's tired of my sickly ways. I read on here how it gets better every day but so far for me, it gets worse everyday. I just don't know how much longer I can keep guessing how much to eat, what to eat, when to drink, how much to drink, take this med, take this vitamin, etc., etc.  Can anybody tell me when it will get better? The weight loss isn't even something I focus on any more. I just want to be healthy. I so regret this decision.
on 4/25/11 9:56 am
Have you sought professional help with the way you are feeling? While I understand that "we" are a great support group/forum, if you are considering ending your life, we are not medical professionals, and you need to seek help professional help now.

I had a deplorable recovery. I had more hurdles, struggles, and obstacles than most, and it was very draining, but I pulled through, and while it took 3.5 months to recover, I got through it.

I'm running out the door to take my son to ball practice, and I can come back more and read more posts from you so I can get a better idea on what is going on with you, but from the sound of this post, you need more than "us" that have been through hell and back to get you out of this rut.

I'm more than happy to listen and help where I can, if you'd like to message me privately.
Band to VSG revision: June 3, 2009
SW 270lbs GW 150lbs CW Losing Pregancy Weight Maintenance goal W 125-130lbs

on 4/25/11 10:04 am - AZ
I don't really know how to message privately and I did call my surgeons office to see if they could recommend someone that is familiar with the difficulties. They were closed for the day so I'll hear from thenm tomorrow.  I'm not going to off myself. I'm just crying alot and tired of bad decisions. I feel like Humpty Dumpty and I don't know how to put all the pieces together again.
Just Sharon
on 4/25/11 10:08 am
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way!  I know it doesnt seem like it right now but it will get better.  Our bodies all heal differently and some just take longer than others.  I am sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I know it took me several months before i didn't regret my surgery and felt more like my old self.  I hope you can make an appt. and talk to someone about the depression, I had to go on meds for depression and it really does help.  I promise you that it will get better, i know around month 3 I started feeling more like me. Please feel free to keep posting, we are all family here and will support you any time that you need it.
on 4/25/11 10:18 am
.I am very sorry to read this message from you.  I can empathize from the position of being depressed and feeling like "if only I did this?"  First, recognize that you chose this path because you wanted to be healthier YOU.  I am sure you took the classes, spoke to doctors, and did tons of research before you made the decision.  You know its a process.  One day at a time, maybe one meal at a time.

My nutritionist said to me that whenever you feel stuck and you are not progressing the way you should, contact her.  So I say to you, have you contacted your nutritionist?  Have you gone to group meetings and sought advice from other WLS folks?  You transitioning to total wellness could possibly be a matter of readjusting not only your outlook but some of the mechanisms you use to keep track of all of your post-surgery responsibilities.  This is not suppose to be a guessing game.  have you tried keeping a food journal to help figure out what works?  This maybe where a good therapist can come help you reorganize. 

From someone who has wanted to end her life because I was sick and tired of my mental illness, I tell you, it will be alright.  I'm sure from where you sit it may not seem that way but it will be.  You have reached out and that is the first step.  I think that once you start to feel better your children will see that and be more supportive.  I think they are probably worried for you despite their response.  You hubby, I think he will be just fine.  For better or for worse--right now this maybe your worse and you working toward the better.

I do not post here often, but if you post again, I will see it and respond.  Please hang in there!  Stay encouraged and DO NOT GIVE UP!

(deactivated member)
on 4/25/11 11:11 am, edited 4/25/11 11:11 am
Don't short change your husband.  He sounds like a fine man.  I am not sure how old your kids are, but at different ages kids can be a little self focused.  You and I both know our kids love us, they just don;'t know how o relate to us sometimes.

Does either your or your husband's employer offer Employee Asistance that includes counselling?  Perhaps your school has some?  These programs are usually very confidential and can help us get our head sorted out.

Maybe you need an antidepressant?  I take one and it helps me so much.

I am hoping you get some help.

on 4/25/11 11:30 am, edited 4/25/11 11:32 am - MN
The posters above have given you some wonderful words of wisdom, so I won't go on and on. However, I just wanted to say I will be praying for you. Here are some cyber (((((HUGS)))) too.

Just know that if these feelings don't get better (and soon), make sure and call your doctor again or go to a professional. This is not just getting thin, this has got to be a whole body and mind thing. We despreatley need both to be healthy and in sinc to feel our best.

I also suffer from depression and have been on medication for years. I can only say that prozac has saved my sanity and those of my family as well!

You can certainly add me to your friends list so we can message and email back and forth. I am here if you need to talk.

on 4/25/11 11:55 am - AZ
Thank you for your wise words, hugs, and prayers. Right now, those mean the most to me. I will talk to my doctor tomorrow and get an expert to talk to. I just couldn't do that tonight and really needed to hear that I was not alone. It's just been so difficult.
on 4/25/11 12:08 pm - holt, MO
A psyc. can find out if you need medication to bring your chemistry into balance.

 Also you may wish to talk to your pastor (in addition to a Psy.).

But let me try and give you a really big piece of advice if I may.

Go outside and sit in the sun for a bit.  Really look at the world around you, look really close at the plants, insects, and animals.  Take it all in, smell the air and then begin to list all the wonderful things around you.

Then next begin to think about the wonderful people in your life, give thanks for them.

Try to understand that just becuase this is difficult you have not lost your place in this wonderful world- rather this is like a birth- a metamorphis from an old you to a new you.  It is hard, you will grieve for some of the old things.  But grieve them and when the time is right just let them go.

Keep your eyes on your future DREAM not your current discomfort.

God bless
on 4/25/11 12:22 pm - AZ
Thank you for this advise. I will do my best.