16 mths postop..issues coming up with how i see myself

I am 16 mths postop.  I am very happy with my results so far.  I am very comfortable where I'm at right now.  My loss tends to happen only 1 wk..every 4-6 weeks.  During that week i'll drop 5-7 lbs.  Waiting on that week right now, so that i can drop below 200 lbs.  I started out at 354 lbs, surgery at 340 lbs..and today i am 203 lbs.  I wear a size 16 in any jean..a size 14 in some jeans..and a size 17 in Juniors jeans.  My shirts are usually an XL now (down from a 4X) because the sleeves on large shirts are just too tight (my bat wings).  If it weren't for the fat on my arms i could wear a large shirt.

I am having major issues right now with seeing myself as i currently am.  I spent so many years at 354 lbs..and practically invisible to people, that it is now very odd to have people looking at me in the stores..and actually striking up a conversation..or willing to offer help where before they would have walked on by. 

I still think of myself as i was before.  I cannot imagine being thought of as pretty..or good looking. I cannot believe all the things i can do now, that i couldn't..just a little over a year ago.  I am still in shock over the changes.  I have decided to call a pysch this week and get an appt to talk to someone (who specializes in bariatrics counseling).  I really need to work through some issues.  I never thought my marriage would suffer because of weight loss..but..I am feeling so many things that I didn't know i'd feel...and I just need to talk it out with someone.  There are so many things open to me now..that i couldn't do before.  I have changed alot..yet my husband hasn't.  He is normal weight, and i thought he just stuck around the house because i always wanted to..but now i find out that he just enjoys working..and being home..that's it.  There are lots of other issues involved as well..but that is just one thing i need to work through.

Anyhow..a few before..and  now pictures for those interested...


a face comparison..before and today...


354 lbs...to 203 lbs



another before and now



a pic from today..i'm finally getting a figure!
i was wearing this outfit below the other day at the store..felt like everyone was staring
at me..i went home and cried..felt like i must look horrible.  I am very self conscious..
and need alot of work on my self-esteem..hence counseling appt i need to set up! :)



Having the sleeve was the best decision i ever made...ZERO REGRETS!!!!

It took me a really long time to accept my new size, to accept the changes, and realize that my husband is just a fuddy duddy, homebody, who works a bunch in a high stress job and just wants to lounge around the house on his down time. We are polar opposites so there is a lot of compromise in our marriage, there always has been since I knew this going into our marriage, and we discussed that me being a homebody is NOT going to work so we've worked out a major compromise on how we manage our time together and apart.

The one thing that really clued me in on how I looked is one night I had a picture taken with me stand arm in arm, waist to waist with several of my "naturally thin" girlfriends. When I saw the picture, it hit me "HOLY **** I'm smaller than all of them, and WOW that's really me, my little body". From that day on, I just accepted the new me, and stopped living in the "shell" of my former fatty.

I know this might not work for you, or anyone else, but physically seeing that pic posted on my girlfriend's facebook wall was a HUGE wake-up call that I needed. 

No one telling me "you're gonna blow away" "don't lose anymore weight" "look at your skinny little ass" made me realize just how small I really am. I just didn't believe it.

You look amazing Dawn, you've not only lost a huge amount of weight, you look 10-15 years younger. Making that call to get help for those issues is a big step and I applaud for recognizing and willingness to work through some very tough stuff during this journey ! ! !

Cheers my friend, you will get there ! ! !

My husband also has a high stress job (works in a prison..with the worst..and those w/mental issues also)..so i understand when he finally has time off..he wants to just sit at home.  Since working this job (11 yrs now)..he's changed..it's hard to not bring some of that home w/him.  He also now is not comfortable in large crowds, always has to be scanning the room..watching for threats..no matter where we are at.  Doesn't look me in the eyes when talking to me..because he's too busy watching everything..which is all part of what he has to do every day on the job.  I do understand these things.  I guess it would help me if I had girlfriends to get out of the house with..but i don't.  I spent too many years at home..not really leaving often..so i don't have friends to do things with.

I really do need to talk to someone..and I am proud of myself for taking this step as well..it's definitely a good thing and can only help me to maybe see some things from someone else's point of view.

I like what you said about the pic of you and your friends...that would really be an eye opener.  I was just telling my husband last night, I just wish a stranger..someone who hasn't seen me at my heighest weight..would compliment me..based on how i look today.  I know people say i look great..but they are comparing me from my before pic..and i just want to know i look great how i am..you know what i mean? So hard to see..

Thank you for your comments so much!!

Dawnie- You know I am always here for an ear to listen or to go out and have some "girl time"!  Hit me up anytime!  And you look fabulous by the way!

That would be great! I could use 'girl time!'. I did call Holly..the other day.  She wants to come back to GR soon and go to the Log Cabin Bar..check out the band and have drinks and dance..maybe we should get together and do something like that soon..would be fun!

Hey girl not even looking a the beore and after and dammit you do looki good !!!

awww..thank you so much..

you do look like a completely different person, and that is amazing. I hope you get the help you need with dealing with the psychological side of it all, I am sure I will need that help as well when my time comes.

thanks!! Yes..I definitely need to talk some things through w/someone..it will help me out..i'm sure of it!

 I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to say you are darling!  You look like a cute little pixie!