First down day...

I have felt so great mood-wise every day since surgery, happy I lived, happy I wasn't in pain, happy I could eat and drink okay.  Today felt really hard food-wise.  I had a work lunch, they chose Panera and I chose a cup of French onion soup.  Why? Because it was brothy and not protein-y and I would probably be able to eat it all and not look weird.  Just being honest here.  I had done a work lunch a few days previously and everybody questioned why I wasn't eating more.  
 
I was hungry even though I had the whole cup (no protein except a little bit of cheese) and ate some of the croutons, found out afterwards that just the soup alone had like 15 g of carbs, and was just unsettled the rest of the day.  Then all I wanted to do was eat.  Nothing I had for the rest of the day was "right," I never felt satisfied.  It was an old, familiar feeling where I just wanted to keep eating and eating.  I ate my normal, regular high protein food the rest of the day, but nothing seemed right.  I guess I really felt buffetted by my food addiction, and got really down about it as the day progressed. 

Now it is the end of the day, and I am realizing I can't make food choices to hide my small tummy capacity.  If I don't want to tell people, I have to accept their questioning, because I just do not eat very much.  I am just grateful for my sleeve, knowing that my tiny tummy kept me from going off the rails, and forced me to sit through these feelings because I *couldn't* really eat over them.  I can finally feel them passing.  Maybe that's really a victory? 

 I completely understand, I had the same kind of day recently. Glad you where able to look at it and see what went wrong and what you need to keep it from happening again. HUGS, it can be so hard some days, but it's all worth it. 

Thank you, Courtney!  I need a hug.  I am so glad to have a place like this to talk about this kind of stuff!

wow, I could have written this. Though I did not go off plan today, I have just been hungry. I have stayed in my calories and got pretty close to my protein, but I just have not felt satisfied all day and have "snacked" For example I had two string cheese and one baby bell cheese today! That is not including my meals. Waaay too much snacking and bordering on grazing.

I guess we are jsut trying to get this new tummy figured out and we are all entitled to an off day here and there!

Keep your chin up, and be happy...happy =)

Thank you, Paige.  I fell asleep quite early in my recliner at home (visions of my mother!) and feel much improved today.

I love your honesty. Thank you so much for sharing this.

My friend had this surgery a year and a half ago and I asked her what she said to people. She said it's funny but the thing that usually messes people up the most is when she doesn't get anything to drink with her meal. She said she used to order a drink to make people she more comfortable, but stopped because she was too tempted to drink it.

Her answer to most people's questions is, "I'm working really hard to lose weight and I'm not gonna mess it up this time."

She said that answers most of their question about why she eats so little and she doesn't have to say anything about the surgery - and it's true.

You are doing great on your weigh tloss by the way. It's awesome that you recognize this and are not letting it sabotage your success.

I have told a number of people, but I don't like telling clients or talking about it with colleagues I don't have a lot of interaction with.  I like your friend's answer!  I'm going to use it.  Thanks!

Sorry you've had a bad day -- I know it's a matter of time before one hits me, too.

As far as telling people...  I told very few people before surgery, but since I started back to work, I'm telling everyone who gives me an opening.  I'm happy I had the surgery, and now people are more likely to keep their opinions to themselves if they disagree with my choice.  So far, everyone has been very supportive and very curious about the kind of surgery I had.

People like asking me what I'm eating, and are always amazed at the small volume that satisfies me.  I would have a really hard time explaining why I'm eating half a turkey burger patty for lunch if people didn't know.  I generally don't like being the center of attention, but I'll admit that I'm enjoying everyone's excitement and encouragement since I went back to work.  The only drawback is that I supervise 90 employees, and I don't see them all every day, so I have to keep telling my story over and over again.

Honestly, I'm so thrilled with my surgery that I don't care what anyone thinks at this point.  I'd encourage you to share your surgery with people, that way you can make choices that work for you without feeling self conscious or strange. 

I too am thrilled, and you're probably right, I should be more open.  I've told close friends and family, some work folks, but I still have a lot of shame feelings and it's usually a longer conversation for me (and more revealing, personally) than I want to have with most people.  Honestly, I'm a hermit.  I know this is something I will have to work on.  People have seen me go up and down a lot over the years.  I think I'll jut have to decide what makes me feel *more* self-conscious and strange!  I actually hate talking about food (my food) at all.  I'll get it sorted out!

I haven't told anyone and i had the lap band for 2 years before this without telling anyone.  I'm a real privacy buff always have been it's a personality trait and the surgery just folds into that.  As far as eating i always overate and was the one at the table who always ordered dessert.  I'm in LA so I'm surrounded by skinny people who watch their weight, for many reasons but mainly because their livelihood and checks are attached to it.   I would watch my friends and business lunches also order an appetizer only and not apologize for it, now i do the same.  If anyone ever comments i say I'm not much of a day eater, or if it's dinner i eat light after 7 or breakfast, not that hungry in the mornings just try to get something in like the experts say.  For the most part people are much more interested in what's on their plate than yours.  It's us who feel like the freaks but give it time, you're very early out, you will get used to it being you.  Your thing that you don't eat a lot and once you're cool with it, the rest will go away.  Good luck.