Well, it happened. Lost a friend because I lost wt and she's still MO!

Jennifer,
Just remember this is not about you.  This is something you really have no control over at all.  She feels like her most painful issue smacks in the face every time she sees your progress.  She can't be helpful and supportive and that must feel horrible to her as well.  Some people are only with us for a season and then you must move on.  There is nothing you can say or do to change her issues.  It takes a strong and grounded person to be able to wish well and stay friends with someone who is able to achieve what you yourself can not.  She is not in a place where she can do that.  Forgive her for her failings, she too is doing the best she can while feeling the pain of obesity.  She would be a better friend if she was stronger, but she is not, at least not now.  I would tell her that you understand and that the door is open if she ever feels differently about it.  I would wish her health and peace and move on.

Elina, you are indeed one wise individual.  "She feels like her most painful issue smacks her in the face every time she sees your progress."  OMGosh, how right you are!  And you're right she does feel like crap.  Her exact words "I hate myself for feeling this way."  I will do as you suggest, offer my love/support and let it go.  Thanks!  ~Jennifer

Well, it could be worse. 

Your friend and you could have had the surgery together and a month later she refuses to return your phone calls or text messages claiming to be "busy" 24/7.

It really does suck, no matter which way you look at it.  But the way I see it, "they" showed their true colors, and couldn't accept you for WHO you are.  You wanted your life better for YOU, and they wanted to continue to be miserable in their existance.

Hmm....perhaps I'm a bit bitter? lol

~Amanda

Hi Amanda and thanks for the response.  Congrats on your surgery and I wish you the best on your journey!!  And yes, you do sound a tad bitter.  LOL!
~Jennifer

If she knows she deserves it too (everyone deserves to be healthy, however they wish to find health).. Is she just not ready to go through what it takes to get WLS?

I've explained this elsewhere, but it's kind of like a pecking order.. when one person changes, there's a shift that naturally happens. Some will accept this change and roll with it, others see it or feel it as a personal thing and run away or distance themselves from it. It's not you.. 

Now, granted.. I don't talk about my WL with my friends unless they ask a specific question (not saying you do.. just putting it out there in case), and I've learned to accept a "you look great" or "you're getting skinny" (not yet!!) by responding "I feel great, thanks!" But, this doesn't stop my intuition from picking up on some discomfort emanating from one of my friends.. who btw has only been overweight, and never obese, but has always had issues with herself about everything.. I don't know what the future holds, but if it turns sour, so be it.. she saw me smaller, saw me gain.. and is seeing me get smaller again.. and the same old weirdness is coming back as I approach a normal size again. Some folks are just not centered, and we aren't responsible for that.

Yup...I always tell people that, if they have obese friends, they didn't change just themselves...they promoted someone else to "fattest girl in the room."  Nobody wants to be awareded THAT title.

Hi Jo and thanks for responding.  I'm not sure what her "deal" is as far as not contacting her insurance company or attempting to save money to self pay. But I can assure you, as I mentioned above , that I am very aware and sensitive to others feelings in regards to my success/wt loss.  I generally will NOT talk about how much I've lost or what size my jeans happen to be that day unless asked. 
~Jennifer

But besides my other comment, you walk differently, you probably cross your legs, you can move more and move faster and move longer, strange men probably open doors for you...these are all constant signs that you are NOT who you used to be.

Hi Ms. Cal Culator and thanks for responding.   So funny to see you on the VSG board now.  How is your sister doing?  I enjoy your no nonsense approach!  I frequent the main/DS board but keep to myself.  Hell, I'm too afraid to "say" anything!  LOL! 

Of course your right.  I have changed.  How could someone lose nearly 100 pounds and not have changed, right?  Thanks for the insight.

~Jennifer

That really makes me sad for you and esp. her. I couldn't imagine a close friend behaving that way. I would be devastated if a dear friend just refused to see me! What?!?! And you shouldnt have to apologize! That was a really kind and patient way of you to handle it rather than tell her something else like my hot-headed self might have done. I am actually in the opposite situation, all of my friends are "average" or thin. Same with the family, so I don't think I will have to deal wth any of that, at least I hope not. Geez. That's got to be really tough. I would just tell her how she makes you feel, and share that is hasn't been easy and it's been a lot of work too, and that if she were in your place you would still be a friend to her. What does size have to do with friendship? I think she needs a new perspective.