Thoughts on telling people

 If it wasn't for the boss, I would for sure handle it the way you mentioned- just address it as it comes up.  But I have to deal with the boss.  

I am 10 months out. In the planning stages I told only my two best girl friends. One who lives out of state, and we've known each other since high school (almost 40 years!) and the other who I've know 30 years. At work, I told no one. I lost over 30 pounds in 5 months pre-op and when people noticed, I thanked them, and said that I was starting to exercise (true) and started a medically supervised diet (also true). To HR my surgeon's note was on his regular surgical practice letter head, no mention of bariatrics.

wo weeks before surgery I told my teenage daughter and my 85 yr old father. Both were surprised, and concerned, as I am a divorced single mom. I explained everything to them, and they had no recourse but to accept it. I had my daughter drive me to the hospital, then sent her home. My dad picked me up 2 days later. I didn't want to entertain guests, and needed to use my time to heal.

Who knows now ? My aunt, who managed to wiggle it out of my dad. And my daughter's best friend. That's it. It is not a matter for me of not wanting anyone to know. It was similiar to yours (op) I had a cancer surgery 4 years previously. I had to listen, and explain, and tell the story over and over and over. I had to re live the pain and fright, treatments and the continual questions in people's faces. My recovery went well, and I am cancer free; but I was NOT doing that again !!! It just isn't anyone's business, and I was not going to revisit the inquisition again.

Now when people ask me about my weight loss, I tell them part of the truth, and commit the sin of ommission. I thank them for noticing; and I compliment something about them, it turns the conversation every time, and it's over.

First of all, it sounds like your boss is a real jerk and I'm sorry you have to work for someone like that. I told my boss and most of my coworkers (I've worked with most of them for 12 years and consider most friends) and they were all very supportive. I think everyone's situation is different and you must decide that on your own but under the cir****tances, if I was in your shoes, I would probably not give them details if it could be avoided.

Your kids might be another story. I don't know how old they are but they might not understand why you are walking around holding your side and not eating so if you don't want to tell them the truth, you might consider telling them you had some kind of minor procedure done that will leave you sore for a while. Just a suggestion.Hope this helps.

Good Luck.

 Thought about that too... the youngest is in middle school.  I don't want to lie to them at all, but the youngest will worry incessently about it.  I was thinking of just saying I fell down some stairs, because I would totally do that.  I may tell my older two- they have a better understanding of it and can handle it.  Not sure what I will do yet, but probably will wait until after the surgery and play it by ear. 

You don't say how old your children are, but if they're old enough to understand what's going on, you have a hard decision to make.

Mine know I plan to have surgery.  If, heaven forbid, something should happen during surgery, I don't want to leave them with thought that I didn't confide something so important in my life to them.  If they were having something this major, even as adults, I'd be an extremely unhappy mama being left in the dark!

I plan to be open about my surgery.  I have a friend who told a half-truth  to me by saying she was 'watching' what she ate after I noticed she lost 100+ pounds in a short time.  This is a friend who joined me in Weigh****chers after seeing my (temporary) success counting points and asking what I was doing.  We'd also had lively discussions on pro's and con's of WLS... I was more for it than she was!  Eventually the truth came out by way of a family member, and we weren't even discussing her.  I'd just mentioned I was looking into the VSG and she said, "Oh yeah, ____'s had great luck with her WLS."  Why my friend didn't tell me, I'll never know... but I almost suspect it's because she didn't want me to have the same success she's finally had.  Regardless of her reason, I'll always think of her now as a whole liar, not just a half-liar!

To each his/her own, but those are my thoughts on the subject. 

I only told my friend who was taking me to the hospital initially and then my sister. My mom found out by default and to this date I have not told my husband. That is right -not even my husband. He knew that I had a bad band and a very bad hernia, so he thought the surgery was to remove the old band and fix the hernia, and I left it just like that. I did not tell any of my close friends and NO co workers about it, and have no intention of doing so. As a matter of fact, the longer that time has passed since surgery, the less I even think about it. When asked, i simply explain that I eat more small meals, exercise, cut out soda pop entirely and have changed my relationship with food, which is true. No explanation, no regrets.

Your body, your business... I'm not posting to be judgemental at all.  Who you tell certainly is your decision to make.

That said, purely from a medical professional's standpoint - WLS is major surgery and internal organ/s have been altered.  In the case of sudden illness or major trauma, next-of-kin (namely your husband and/or children) will be asked your health history.  Doctor's do their best to treat based on what they learn from their own examinations, but sometimes they must take medical history into account when treating during an emergency.  Missing information could possibly lead to inadequate or detrimental treatment. 
   

 Dang, I never thought i would wish that I had a hernia... that seems perfect!

I told my family (husband, daughter, parents, siblings) but not my in-laws. They live away and I don't see them but a couple times a year. I didn't want them to worry and I didn't feel they would understand since they haven't had weight issues themselves nor have they been around to see all my struggles with the weight over the years.
I also told my boss and the other members of my department and of course, my HR department. My boss is great and she totally understood since she too her struggled with her weight over the last several years and her sister also had WLS about 4 years ago. I told my department co-workers because we are close and have been there to support each other through alot of personal issues (divorce, health problems, concern with health issues of aging parents, etc.) and I knew they would understand that I needed to do this for my health. I also asked them to just tell others that I was on vacation during my absence because I didn't want them to have to deal with the questions and I didn't want to have everyone asking me questions when I got back. Of course I had to tell HR I was having surgery so I just told them the truth about what kind of surgery I was having on my FMLA paperwork. The HR manager and the Benefits Department already knew I intended to have VSG because I had to get them involved to get an approval after our third party administrator denied coverage for WLS even though I met all the requirements.
I figure others may know too, even though the information was suppose to be confidential because sometimes things leak out, but no one has asked me yet.
I chose not to tell everyone because I didn't want their opinions and questions pre-op, but I have made up my mind that as people start commenting on my weight-loss that I will be honest if they ask what I'm doing to lose the weight.

 Perhaps after the fact I can address it on a case by case basis.  This way the boss will not think it is cancer, but it will be quite a bit after the surgery so it is plain that I am ok from it... not a bad idea :)