Explaining your weightloss.. My thoughts....

I had my surgery December 29th and only told a few family members.  Way before the surgery, I had mention it to a friend that I was considering this and she was not happy.  She tried to talk me out of the surgery and frankly I regretted telling her!  She really made a big deal about it.  I probably will not tell anyone else. 

**** I told everyone, why not? So what if they judge you? At least your brave enough to chlange your life.
Just my 2cents

Hi Everyone,

I felt an obligation to advise my Board of Directors for the company I run of my WLS plans about three months in advance to surgery.  I felt I owed them the opportunity for us to put a succession plan together in case I was not able to come back.  We needed to put such a plan in place anyway as part of any good business contingency plan.

The Board has been absolutely supportive and nearly everyone of them has at one time or the other express their "admiration for my decision and bravery" for making this life changing decision.

However I chose not to make public my WLS plans as I felt that customers and competitors might read negative assumptions into my decision as word worked its way through the industry rumor mill.

I identified my closest friends along with my family members and placed them in an email distribution list and provided a brief of my plans and why I chose VSG as opposed to Lapband, RNY, or DS.  As soon as I came out of surgery an email was distributed to them as well as my Board of Directors so that they knew everything went well.

Now about Facebook...I have everyone from people I haven't seen in more than 35 years to people that I knew only briefly, to of course family and very dear friends "friend-ed" on my Facebook.  I've decided not to announce my WLS or my journey on Facebook.  The audience is too broad and I don't trust Facebook and its support to its advertisers so I don't put anything on Facebook that I wouldn't want on the top half of the front page of the New York Times.

I haven't lost enough weight for anyone to notice yet, but I do quite a bit of public speaking in the industry I work and my next public appearance is the first week of May in Las Vegas.  By then I hope to have dropped 100 pounds since many of them saw me last at 399 lbs.  I think its reasonable to expect that it will be noticeable to at least some of the people who know me.  I intend to be very open with any and all of those folks that inquire.  I am exceedingly proud of my decision to have the VSG and have no shame whatsoever.  Ha, and it's not a secret to them that I was super morbidly obese!  In fact I would like to think that anyone that has or is considering a WLS decision would be comfortable approaching me with questions.

One final thought...I believe the decision to tell or discuss one's WLS decision prior to surgery or any place along journey is just as private as anything in one's life.  I respect everyone's private decision regardless of what it is.  IMHO we each have our unique journey to take and need our time to take it.
~Nann

This!  Definitely "LIKE."  (referring to PB's post.)

I only told family and close friends at first.  People say you're looking good, and I say thank you.  But I decided I would always be honest with people who had a weight problem because I didn't want them to think I'd done it on my own, without surgery.  I told someone at work (in another office) who asked.  It was weird, but okay.  She was interested in my experience.  We'll see how everything turns out.

I am being sleeved on 1/23 and think it's a great idea to think about what you're going to say ahead of time.  I do feel it's a very personal decision as to what you say, though, and depends on your personality, occupation, etc.

I have not hidden my upcoming surgery from anyone.  I feel that the more people who support me, the better it is for me.  As far as naysayers, I politely tell them this is a personal choice that I feel is best for me.  I am absolutely amazed by the number of people who have supported me and offered different kinds of help for the post-op period.

My biggest struggle by far was how/when to tell my kids.  They are only 7 and 4 and don't quite understand what's involved but will definetely know when I am gone for 2 nights and sore afterwards!  It's prompted a lot of talks about health in our house, which is a good thing.

All this being said, I think it's important to point out that I am an LPN who works in a private home care situation, so I don't really have to deal with nosey and irritating co-workers!  I don't feel it's up to anyone to say if you are lying, being dishonest, etc., as we all try to get through any situation the best way we can.

Good luck to you!  I look forward to sharing the loser's bench with you

 Personally,

I think you have to be careful and thoughtful about who you tell and how much you tell.  I told one sister and asked her not to tell my mentally ill other sister, as she would perserverate on the topic and in a bout of active schizophrenic psychosis it could potentially harm her once the "facts" got all jumbled up on her.  The sister told her anyway.  The point is that IMHO it is MY decision on who to tell, and when somebody else reveals the information it is no longer MY decision.  

I was not planning on telling the in-laws yet.  My husband did anyway.  In this case it worked out well, as it was a relief to just get it over with.

Now at my job, nobody will know.  I work with kind folks over all, but a highly judgemental boss.  The moment I do not do something he wants, it will be blamed on the "health" issues.  Yea, this guy threw cancer in my face when I balked at trying to reduce my 80-85 hour work week down to 65 and was not on board with a pilot program that I found to be toxic to the staff.  You just can't win in a situation like this.  This is why HIPPA is in place- to protect against discrimination that can (and does****ur in the work environmnet.  

But alas, it is a small world and I wonder if somehow it will trickle back to my work that I had it done.  Only time will tell. 

 Some of my random thoughts FWIW:

1.  Glad to see this didn't turn into an all out "honesty" thread.  People have a right to their privacy.  Telling or not telling others about WLS is not much different then whether you talk about your pay, taxes, religion or other personal facts.  

2.  For me the reason I told a lot of folks is because I can hold my own with anyone on this subject.  I hope they understand the reasons I did it and are willing to hear some real fact instead of hearing stories of friends of friends that knew a second cousin twice removed that died...

3.  I'm not a coy kinda person.  Being subtle is not my strong suit.  

4.  I'm proud of myself of doing something realistic for my MO condition.  I could have lived the rest of my life wishing I wasn't super fat.  If providing others a glimpse of options that are available to treat MO conditions shows them an alternative to staying fat, great.

5.  If someone wants to be snide with me...well...they just don't want to go there.  

6.  By not keeping it secret, rumor mills go out of business because they can't exist when facts are evident.  Oh, they might have low production but it isn't much fun spinning rumors when the real, deal information is out there.

Well, that is how it works for ME.  

Family and friends have seen me battle my weight all my adult life.  I don't mind a bit who knows that I've finally found a valid solution to losing and keeping the weight off, if asked but I am not going to advertise, either.

I had a friend 'half-truth' to me recently about her massive amount of weightloss, saying she was watching what she ate and exercising.  I had dieted right alongside her before, and knew her habits as well as my own.  I kind of doubted she was telling the whole truth, but didn't question further.  Several months later a family member mentioned her surgery.  Needless to say, I'll not trust her again.  Sure, it's her business and not mine as to how she lost it, but it's my business on who I feel is trustworthy.  Makes me sad, too, because I always thought a lot of her.