Obesity and Dating (not guy bashing I promise)

It never ceases to amaze me how guys treat big girls in terms of dating.  I'm not Barbie, but by no means, do think I look like a pit bull on crack either!  I am an educated professional, own my own home, pretty financial secure (you knows though, right) and not a bar hopper.  I don't date right now pending a divorce, but even so (separated 3 yrs) I haven't been approached much at all. 

I so get this attitude sometimes that if you can't accept me fat, then why accept me thin.  Idk it just seems like no matter what the guy looks like, he expects a perfect woman.  Grrr...........

Ohhhh I so relate to this! Theres such a double standard. I know large bald 45+ yr old guys who think they should be dating girls MY DAUGHTERS (20-30something) AGE. Not bashing-observing.

 That's why I love this site because so can I.  You know what I hate that people say, "There's plenty of men that like big women". Hmmmmm, why am I single?

 I've dated 6 guys 'seriously' in my short 10 year-long dating life, and although I am young (25), I haven't had problems getting meaningful relationships. I mean, I don't pull the super hot athletic stars of the football team, but the men I have dated have all been attractive, tall and just slightly overweight, if overweight at all. It's definitely possible to find guys who overlook your body. It's just a lot harder because you are right, we do get passed over when a guy scans a room. You typically have to be the one to pursue/show interest, and have a personality that makes up for where your body lacks. It sucks sometimes, but let's be honest with ourselves. Do you pursue guys who are 400 pounds? No matter how cool they are to hang out with, chances are you're not sexually attracted to them. What's fair is fair, as far as I'm concerned. 

I think a lot of men are more concerned about 1) how a woman treats them and 2) their partner is healthy. People are hesitant to start a family with someone who could have a plethora of health problems down the road. Obesity related pregnancy problems, heart problems, etc. It's heartbreaking to watch someone you love suffer. I sure as shoot don't want to fall in love with someone only to watch them slowly (or in some cases quickly) die due to something that could be changed. 

 after many years in the dating pool (which could use some chlorine, btw) i found that the majority of men i encountered who "liked" big women actually had what seemed like a fetish about them...  obsessing about particular body parts, etc...    i also found that a lot of guys assumed that a fat woman was easy because she'd be desperate for any kind of attention...  and i guess in some cases that could be true....

post-surgery, i get more attention...  guys will make eye contact with me, they will hold doors open for me, they will speak to me..... i am no longer invisible...  BUT -- what i have not done is what i have seen a lot of women on these boards do: get pissed off and resentful because someone who ignored them when they were fat is now acknowledging them...  to me, that poisons you....  resentment like that just festers inside of you and has absolutely no impact on them...   a waste of energy...

i say, enjoy the attention and recognition and use it to make YOU feel good about YOU....  i know my husband finds confidence and self-acceptance very attractive...


jeris

I agree with the first paragraph.  Many guys who love fat woman do so in a fetish type of way.  Not all,but many. 

When I was dating, I was fortunate to connect with some great guys who cared for me not "because of"  OR "despite" my fat. They were just into me -  the whole package.  My husband loves that I can make him laugh - something I can do at any weight.

I like tall guys, fat or thin doesn't matter much.  (I felt this way even when I was thin.)  Everyone has preferences in who they are attracted to.

 

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I dont mean to sound mean, as we have all faced this surely,
But its the physical attraction in someone that starts other romantic or sexual relationships.
My hubby met me when I was smaller, if he hadn't then who knows?He may not of been physically  attracted to me. Yet even while I piled in the weight he has never looked back and has always been interested so to say. He even has reservations about me getting the surgery and told me he would be supportive, but he didnt think I needed it either..
But if I dont like the way I look being fat, then why should anyone else??

No, you are really right on!  I guess it's just a little disheartening at times though.  I wish I could find someone who understands, maybe has been where I am going.  Of course, my life is about to change dramatically, so I am really not worried about it.  It was just a thought the day I posted.

Can a guy give some input?  Have you tried online dating at all?

I met my wife back in 1997 (way before Match.com and all that jazz)....we met on a chat forum for people who loved country music.

We talked for weeks online and on the phone before we even saw pictures of each other.  We were both obese....but it didn't matter....the "seed" or whatever of our relationship was sown.

I know thats not for everyone and in most relationships.....physical attraction is the first "selling point" so to speak but it worked out for us. 

I will be honest though....when I was "dating" in high school and early in college before I met my wife.....I was pretty much attracted only to the "bigger" girls.  The main reason??  They were much easier to talk to and nicer to be around.  I didn't feel judged by them and could be myself.

Sorry....this was a disjointed rambling post but I am up at 6:30 am felt like posting something.