OT... How soon is TOO soon for a boy friend to move in???
It take a full year to see someone in all different normal situations like the holidays, vacation time, normal stressful times. Once you've been through all that, you can more safely say that you know someone. Before then, you only know them in limited situations and the rose colored glasses tend to take over.
I agree with those who are telling you to wait. Reevaluate after a longer time. If it is true love it will pass the test of time. Good luck with your decision. It's not really love yet, it's still lust.
I agree with those who are telling you to wait. Reevaluate after a longer time. If it is true love it will pass the test of time. Good luck with your decision. It's not really love yet, it's still lust.
I'm a single mom. I raised my daughter on my own. No help from her dad, no child support, no contact with him. I would never live with a man when my daughter was young or even now for that matter. I set the example for my daughter and for me, that's not the example I wanted to set. When my daughter was younger, I was filled with guilt about the way her dad had ended things and treated her. I took her to a therapist. He told me young girls who feel abandoned or feel like they get no attention from their fathers turn out one of two ways. They're either extremely permiscious or they're over achievers. ( guess which my kiddo is). His advice to me was to date and keep my adult relationships separate from her unless we were going to marry (hell would have to freeze over before I'll legally bind myself financially with a piece of paper again).
I'm not being critical, just sharing. I would also like to point out some red flags I read in your description. (red flags to me may have valid explanations so, once again, no judging). Why is he living in a place he hates? Is he "stuck there" because of finances or bad credit? You make more than him, but you're willing to compromise a financial partnership on equal footing because he can "be there"? If you set the tone that that doesn't matter now, you can't change your mind later. My last observation: I don't care if this guy came right out of sainthood, I would be very very cautious of any man I had dated for less than a year or even two years around my young daughter.
You're educated. You're a survivor. You obviously have some misgivings about this idea to post on a messageboard full of strangers-supportive or not-soliciting opinions. Trust your intuition, it's rarely wrong.
I'm not being critical, just sharing. I would also like to point out some red flags I read in your description. (red flags to me may have valid explanations so, once again, no judging). Why is he living in a place he hates? Is he "stuck there" because of finances or bad credit? You make more than him, but you're willing to compromise a financial partnership on equal footing because he can "be there"? If you set the tone that that doesn't matter now, you can't change your mind later. My last observation: I don't care if this guy came right out of sainthood, I would be very very cautious of any man I had dated for less than a year or even two years around my young daughter.
You're educated. You're a survivor. You obviously have some misgivings about this idea to post on a messageboard full of strangers-supportive or not-soliciting opinions. Trust your intuition, it's rarely wrong.
On March 14, 2012 at 12:41 PM Pacific Time, NCGRLNPHX wrote:
I'm a single mom. I raised my daughter on my own. No help from her dad, no child support, no contact with him. I would never live with a man when my daughter was young or even now for that matter. I set the example for my daughter and for me, that's not the example I wanted to set. When my daughter was younger, I was filled with guilt about the way her dad had ended things and treated her. I took her to a therapist. He told me young girls who feel abandoned or feel like they get no attention from their fathers turn out one of two ways. They're either extremely permiscious or they're over achievers. ( guess which my kiddo is). His advice to me was to date and keep my adult relationships separate from her unless we were going to marry (hell would have to freeze over before I'll legally bind myself financially with a piece of paper again). I'm not being critical, just sharing. I would also like to point out some red flags I read in your description. (red flags to me may have valid explanations so, once again, no judging). Why is he living in a place he hates? Is he "stuck there" because of finances or bad credit? You make more than him, but you're willing to compromise a financial partnership on equal footing because he can "be there"? If you set the tone that that doesn't matter now, you can't change your mind later. My last observation: I don't care if this guy came right out of sainthood, I would be very very cautious of any man I had dated for less than a year or even two years around my young daughter.
You're educated. You're a survivor. You obviously have some misgivings about this idea to post on a messageboard full of strangers-supportive or not-soliciting opinions. Trust your intuition, it's rarely wrong.
I'm not saying this to be snarky or hurtful, but since you and I have been posting on this board, you have gotten divorced and also had two other guys who have been "the one," as well.
I really think you need to back off of trying to find someone to be "the one" and just live your life for a while. At two months of dating, I don't think I would have even introduced a dating partner to my daughter. I definitely wouldn't have been letting them stay at my (HER) house 2 to 4 nights a week. She doesn't need to be involved in "dating," since she is only 6 years old -- she needs a solid, stable mom who is confident and happy with life. Being a mom comes first and dating is something that should be done in your spare time.
Just because you are not financially dependent upon a man, doesn't make it any easier to split up with him. It took me years and years to get rid of my deadbeat ex, because he didn't make enough money to support himself and had nowhere to go if he left.
Perhaps you should just focus on creating a happy, stable life for you and your daughter, and let men and dating be less of a priority.
Respectfully,
I really think you need to back off of trying to find someone to be "the one" and just live your life for a while. At two months of dating, I don't think I would have even introduced a dating partner to my daughter. I definitely wouldn't have been letting them stay at my (HER) house 2 to 4 nights a week. She doesn't need to be involved in "dating," since she is only 6 years old -- she needs a solid, stable mom who is confident and happy with life. Being a mom comes first and dating is something that should be done in your spare time.
Just because you are not financially dependent upon a man, doesn't make it any easier to split up with him. It took me years and years to get rid of my deadbeat ex, because he didn't make enough money to support himself and had nowhere to go if he left.
Perhaps you should just focus on creating a happy, stable life for you and your daughter, and let men and dating be less of a priority.
Respectfully,
" I am not at all concerned with appearing to be consistent. In my pursuit after Truth I have discarded many ideas and learnt many new things." Ghandi 
I have to say that I agree with what everyone has said about waiting. If it is mean to be it will be. The one piece of advice I would like to offer is, check your state laws before moving him in. Here is GA, it takes more than telling someone to leave your home to have them removed. Here if someone has stayed in your home for more than 2 weeks, they have declared legal residency. You have to take them to court to have the legally evicted. Insane I know! I found this out the hard way with a friend.
Good Luck in whatever you decide.
Good Luck in whatever you decide.
HT: 5'4" HW: 251 SW: 237 CW: 172 GW: 135
"You can control how much water you drink, how much protein/carbs/cals you consume, and how much you exercise. FOCUS on those and not the scale, because no matter how hard we try, we do not control the scale." ~ acbbrown
"You can control how much water you drink, how much protein/carbs/cals you consume, and how much you exercise. FOCUS on those and not the scale, because no matter how hard we try, we do not control the scale." ~ acbbrown
First, I think it's wonderful that you found someone that treats you and your daughter so well. I'd wait to move in though. I think a year in is a good time, but 6 mos and on would be okay too. I just don't think that you can know someone that well after anything less than that. When I look back now, I was head over heals with my now husband at that time but I really didn't know him. We moved in at just before a year. Like 11.5 mos I think?
HW: 396 SW: 299 CW: 252 GW: 175
FINALLY BROKE THAT GOD-AWFUL STALL!!!!
FINALLY BROKE THAT GOD-AWFUL STALL!!!!
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