A Not So Great Time at Chili's

Wow Khess!  Love this post and the discussion.  You know you can do this (and are doing it) and I'm glad you come here to let it all out.  You know I've/we've got your back.  Hang in there!

 Thanks Jaybee!  I appreciate it :)  

I feel ya man and I have felt those same feelings.

The one thing I gotta ask though.....didn't you feel satisfied with your 2 ribs and couple spoons of beans?  I don't know about you but I feel the same from that amount now as I did eating a giant plate before.

Also.....one thing I have noticed about skinny "normal" people......even though they may order a giant plate of food (simply beacuse that is what the restaurant serves) they don't fini****  I have really paid attention to what people eat now....and yeah.....if they are thinner they don't normall eat their entire plate.  They might eat 1/2 - 2/3 of it and they pu**** away.  That is why they can stay a normal weight.

Also....you don't know what they might have done all day.  That thin guy ordering a giant plate of ribs? He may have just spent all day pouring concrete or pulling electrical wire.  That plate of food isn't going to put a single ounce on his waistline.

You will get it.....I am coming around to my new life now too.  It's never good to compare yourself to others....just makes you depressed.  Work on yourself and what you can do in your life.....that is all that matters.

You can do this!

 Thanks Doggz .. I always like your posts.  You seem like a good guy.  Yeah, I was full after the 2 ribs.  It wasn't so much about wanting to eat large amounts of food.  I had lots of feelings going on.  Breaking up with my GF last year and how lonely I can feel at times, wishing I could drink some water with my food, not being able to have a cold beer with my dinner ever again (since you cant eat and drink at the same time), etc.  

But I hear ya about not comparing yourself to others.  It's just so hard sometimes.  There are guys in the fire dept I work with who can eat whatever they want and eat all day long.  Their metabolism is on fire.  Just seems so easy for them.  

It's tough....we will figure it out though!  Do you have any close you can talk to about it (like in person)....that might help.

I have a close friend like you describe.....guy can put away and entire large pizza without blinking and he is 6' 170 soaking wet.  However, his dad was the same way...but now that he is in his late 50's....his Dad has put on TONS of weight and didn't change the way he ate.  I think most of these people with roaring metabolisms......it will catch up to them one day.  

 Dudes...I'm MARRIED to one of those thin guys who can eat an entire large pizza and wears a size 30 pants.

Sucks sometimes!

Even being that "skinny normal" chick isn't all it's cracked up to be. I could have easily been one of the people you noticed at Chili's. No one even suspects that I had WLS, I don't eat tiny portions, I actually eat like all my naturally, skinny ***** girlfriends, but I'm not normal by any stretch of the imagination.

I know from the outside looking in, their life and time out seems fabulous, and don't get wrong, being a size 2 is a magnificent feeling. I enjoyed every flipping minute of it. BUT, I had days where being skinny didn't do it for me.

You'll get to your "new" normal, but it takes time. It takes patience, and above all, it takes acceptance of what your new normal will end up being. I never imagined that half of a 6oz steak with 3-4 bites of mashed potatoes would be my new normal, but it is. I still love food, have a "fat girl's" appetite, those (suck as Doggz) on my personal FB from here can attest to the fact that I eat out more than I eat at home, and that I have my horrific (horrific defined by others not me) food choices some days. Hell, my husband brought home red velvet cake and a 6 or 8 pack of Reese's Easter Eggs for me last night. AND, I hate half of the slice of cake, the other half was inhaled by my son.  I eat what others wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. My new normal is definitely not anywhere close to my previous life. It took me a solid year AFTER hitting goal to accept it. There are times when I think "will it be this way in 10years?" "will I still be able to make the best choice 85% of the time", there's not a day, meal that goes by that I don't think about what reward or consequence will I reap from this choice.


And, I sip with my meals if they are super salty/spicy, I didn't through the losing phase, but I can sip a little through a meal without any negative consequences. Taking a few sips is different than big gulps or sucking down 3 glasses of sweet tea as I did in my previous "normal" dining out adventures. It's my new normal.

Thank you for posting this. I havent had my surgery yet but I have felt like this alot over the years with being on so many different diets. Your use of the word normal really reminded me of what I told my doctor..I wnated to just be normal like other people.  Go anywhere, do anything and not have to obsess over what will be served, what I can have etc. Seems like so may other people do that..and yet for some its not like that. WHY? You are certainly not alone in feeling like this, thats for sure.

 I have been thinking about your post since I read it yesterday and it made me kind of sad. Sad because I have been there. The comfort of food and the fun of anticipating something that makes me feel happy has sort of disappeared since my surgery. I know that it won't come back again, either. However, the good things that have come about since then are wonderful and I have a good replacement. I learned a long time ago as my children grew up and moved on not to look back and wish but to move forward and anticipate. Think of all the good things that are ahead of you. Perhaps you could have had a great conversation with your daughter and shown her how interested you are in her life. Cut off your relationship with food and strengthen your relationship with your daughter. That way you can learn to build good relationships as you build a good and healthy body. I know that you will have a different outlook when you reach your goal, but the old "you" will always be there. Remember it fondly but be grateful that you had the strength and courage to strive for something better. 

i did not surrender to my sleeve until 3 1/2 months out.  I felt sorry for myself many days for feeling restricted.  I was even mad at the surgeon i paid thousands of dollars to for making my stomach 85% smaller.  How crazy is that.

By four months out I surrendered physically and mentally to my new small stomach and now see it as my ally.  It took me four months to be convinced that i did the best and smartest thing for myself i ever did.  i am happy for the restriction now and the sense of control that i lacked pre-surgery.

The fond memories of eating certain foods has faded and i think that this will continue.  Those foods that made me crazy seem more and more irrelevant as time passes.  

I understand how you feel different and left out and feel resentful that you are not eating the way other people are eating, that they can do what they want, eat and drink with total abandon and abundance.   The way i look at it now is that i had many years of eating with abandon and abundance and now it is time for a change.  I had plenty years of indulgence and freedom with food, and now this is the new way for it to be done.  Those people who are eating large restaurant portions are not going to be healthy down the road and they definitely will lose quality of life.  The body is less forgiving as we age.  Their time will come when they will have to pay a price.

Best wishes!

db