FML: My new normal feels so out of reach...

You always have the best advice Happy and you can tell you are so sincere. I'm so glad you are on these boards shining your love and light!

You have already gotten great advice and support, all I have for you is my friendship and hugs.  I know that time will make this easier and you will be able to recreate a new life that works for you better than what you are leaving behind.  Sometimes, it just feels crappy in the meantime.  This too shall pass.  It is normal to mourn what you have lost and it is normal to be excited about your new reality.  On the bright side, you look fantastic and your boyfriend is cute.  :)  Big hugs to you. 

 The emotional roller coaster ride this whole WLS saga has entailed is definitely the hardest part of the journey for me.  I have said many times recently that I wish my mind could have just a bit of time to catch up with my body...I literally wake up everyday and something has changed, I am at a point in my weight loss now where even I notice it..not recognizing myself as I was for soooo many years is HARD...not that I was happy there, not that I ever want to see that place again but when you have been in the same place, feeling the same way for so long, it's a very hard habit to break...I don't have the most supportive husband in the world, he says he loved me when I was super fat, he loves me now that I am just sort of fat but I am really worried about how he is going to feel when I reach skinny....I know this type of thing has affected many marriages and I'm not 100% confident that mine will survive...

I think you are just feeling very overwhelmed with all the good that is happening for you now.  I would imagine that isn't something you are used to...It is perfectly normal to mourn the loss of your marriage no matter what state it was in...he was your husband, you had kid(s), that's not something to take lightly and I would imagine it's not easy to let go of it lightly.  It sounds like you have your life on track now and just need to catch your breath! 

I'll be sending lost of positive thoughts your way! You look amazing and deserve to be HAPPY! 

No one goes into marriage thinking of divorce. But when it happens, you morn the loss, that is normal. Compounding your loss, you have all the changes going on in your life; closing your business, a new job, a new relationship, weight loss. It is completely NORMAL to feel confused about all of this at this point! OMG, you have a lot going on!

Upside, YOU HAVE A LOT GOING ON! You are smart, good looking, smart, need I say good looking again ---- you will find things will emotionally settle down for you. Take some time, just for you, journal, take a walk, get a massage. Spend some time with friends -- do whatever you need to to find your emotional "center." You will get there! Best of everything to you!

I don't know you nearly as well as others here but I just wanted to say that you will be ok.  There is no "timeline" for major life events.  Take it easy.

My only "practical" piece of advice.....if you don't do it already is to journal a few times a week.  I know it sounds corny but writing or typing out your day and what feelings or emotions you had can really help.  Just like it helps a weight loss plan.  Sometimes it just needs to come out of you and onto some paper.  I dunno! 

So I like your quote "to thine own self be true" (go shakespeare!)....so I will give a cheesy but inspirational  line from some top 40 song...

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". 

 Thanks my lil Kelly clarkson muah

Hey Girl,

The only thing I can really add here is that for me, WL has been like shedding layers of fat, literally, to get to who I really am on the inside. As I get more comfortable with a healthy me, which is in itself is very difficult, I realize there were parts of me that were buried in the fat, in the dilusional self in which I was operating. It is liberating and very scary all at the same time to be a 39 year old successful wife, mother, business woman and be "discovering" yourself. As I learn more and more about myself I am learing more and more how I pushed others away and how I pulled others close to me....

I share this with you so you know you are not alone on the emotional roller coaster. What I do know is that you are strong and beautiful and this too shall pass and all of the hardships in your journey will add to your story in the long run.

It is a good thing that you are mourning your ex. Mouring means you will finally be able to move on. You have to mourn to move on.

Keep on shining sweet lady and in return the world is going to shine on you.

Hugs from the ATL!

Rebecca

 
Great post Rebecca Ro Ro !!!

Ya have to mourn before you can move on !!!

frisco

As someone who experienced a divorce from an abusive, alcoholic, cheater many years ago, let me tell you that it is normal to grieve your marriage. My ex wouldn't give me a divorce. I used to pray he would find someone else and grant me a divorce. When he finally did, instead of being relieved, I mourned the fairy tale of what I thought our life should have been. I wasted alot of time grieving, but later realized it was something I needed to do. It doesn't reflect on your feelings for your new boyfriend or your new life, it just is something you have to get through. It is scary to make all of these major changes in your life, especially at one time. But don't discount the value of the journey. You are building self-respect with every positive change you make and that is a valuable lesson to teach your children. Hang in there!

I did my drastic life revamp before WLS but not that long ago and I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason.  I got a divorce and at first I felt the same way, starting over at 29 was no fun but since I had never really lost my sense of fun, I jumped right back in feet first and loved being single.  I bought a house, got remarried and I LOVE my life and yeah it sucks I had to go through the rocky **** to get to the good stuff but it was well worth it.  It was def a learning experience.  I hope in a few months you start to feel the same way.  Its nice that you have someone loving to help you through this time tho :)