Keeping it private from certain jerks in your life.. Ex's! Advice?
I said something very similar to my ex but not about surgery. What it boils down to is that your privacy is yours. You're not married to him anymore doge needs to butt out!
Hi:
I was faced with this with my STBX and his daughters from a previous marriage. We finally went to his ex wife and said not to involve the children. If she wanted to know something then she needs to come to us. We only told the children things that we weren't concerned about her finding out about. We made it a rule that she would never find out anything from the girls. When I was pregnant we told her over the phone about 10 minutes after telling her daughters. One of the things that I learned was to take the emotion out of things.
My one question for you is why is is to important for them not to know about the surgery? In a few months they would figure it out. If you are up front about the surgery then it gives them less stuff to gossip about.
My advice is to come clean and tell them what kind of surgery you had, otherwise, your kids are going to suffer from being in the middle of your mess. They didn't choose it, but you did.
Haters are going to hate, so tell the truth and then tell them to **** off. Who cares what your ex and his wife think about you anyway?
Your kids have to live with them and their lives will be miserable if they have to keep your lie alive. No harm is going to come to you from the truth being told, but harm is going to come to your kids from the secret being kept.
I know that many people on these boards believe that it is your right to have privacy surrounding your surgery, but I vehemently disagree in this situation because it is bringing harm to your children and disrupting the trusting relationship that they have with both of their parents. Do the right thing and get your kids out of the middle of this mess.
So.. the girls and I had to have a serious heart to heart about MY personal and private business has NO business being shared and discussed at her fathers house. I said by all means talk about what we did during the week, but please respect my privacy.
So when surgery came up.. I put it in the same category as talking about my private things in my underware drawer. Its MY business. What I didn't plan on was for them to catch on and start grilling me. I fully expect them to try to start grilling the girls. So I will be confessing before that happens.
And yes I shouldn't care.. but its hard not to when you have people constantly degrading you to your children.