Giving and getting advice...

This is the quote from my For Today meditation for July 12th:

It is not often that any man can have so much knowledge of another, as is necessary to make instruction useful. --Samuel Johnson

When I am desperate about my situation with food, I often want to look for sometime to tell me what to do.  I feel like I don't know what to do, or I'd be doing it!  But what I try to remember - whichever side of this interaction that I find myself - is that no one knows what will work for me, and that means I don't know what will work for you.

I can only share my own experience, what has worked for me and what I have observed working for others who have taught me something.  You can figure out if what I'm saying makes any sense to your experience, and if it doesn't, I will still walk with you on this journey.  You have the total right to chose whatever path you want, you have the right to succeed at your plan, and this isn't the army.

Plenty of people have been successful doing things I wouldn't ever undertake - like my friend that lost 150 pounds and was able to measure out and eat 10 M&Ms every few days, and not compulsively finish the bag.  I don't know how to do that, so I can't tell you the way I was able to overcome my compulsion to eat the whole bag and learn to do 10 at a time.

However, I have to be willing to accept that it is possible.  Just don't ask me how.  You will have to find the person who is doing that successfully and ask them.

I *know* my brain is wired strangely where food is concerned, and I get a lot of peace of mind by just accepting that and working around it, instead of struggling day after day, pretending I can somehow make myself have a normal relationship with food.  I don't think that makes me weak and I don't think it's a cop-out.  It's a coping strategy that helps me have a saner relationship with food.  You don't have to do it like me, or see it that way.  But when I respond to a question on this board, you're just going to hear what I know about me.  Because it's all I really know.

If I *get* advice that doesn't sit well with me, I have to be willing to listen, to at least ask why I'm having a bad reaction, consider the source and intent, and make my on decision.  I have to be able to work through all this input, observe what other people are doing and come to my own conclusions.  "Find someone who has what you want, and ask how it was achieved."

Much wisdom here Happy. I too cannot figure out how to eat 10 m and m's so i eat none. had a dream last night that I ate a lot of sweets and felt guilty. what a bad dream.

as you well know there are lots of ways to solve a problem!  thats why all kinds of input is good. 

diane

Diane - I actually *love* those dreams.  Not in the moment, but for that amazing sense of relief when I realize I'm still on track, I didn't really go that far.  It's kind of like realizing how horrible it would be without having to actually experience it.  Plus, those dreams happen for me when something important's stirring inside with the old food issues.  I always take them as a good sign!  So, good luck for what's coming up!

thank you for this wonderful post.  i'm starting to think i should just bookmark all of yours for further reflection!

you are such a strong woman and i am thrilled to share our journeys.  much love!

Ann - friend - I am thrilled, too.  You have been so kind and encouraging throughout this, and I'm so proud of you for all your success!!

   

Amen, friend!

Happy, that is such sound, thought out "advice". Reminds me of the "take what you like, leave what you don't" saying I used to hear as a kid.

I remember how I struggled coming to terms with limiting carbs. I really fought it. It wasn't until I stopped fighting and calmly looked at my love of carbs and my carb intake that I came to realize that I DID have an issue with carbs. It was then that I could finally let them go.

I agree that we must all do what works for us. I know I still like to see a starch on my plate at dinner. Habit, I suppose. I don't need it, but I like it. I often put two TBS of a starch on my plate in the evening - grits, sweet potato, polenta, brown rice. I can pull that off just fine.

However, don't go asking me to count out 10 peanuts M&Ms, or eat a chocolate, or my old beloved chewy gooey cookie and be satisfied with one. Doesn't work for me. Those things can release the demon, the monkey, the cravings, etc... Just best not to go there at all!

See, that's exactly what I mean!  I hear that works for you.  There should be room for people to have different food plans without having their committment questioned.  I shudder to think we'd all have to be eating off the same sheet. 

AND, I know I am a sneaky little liar when it comes to my food, so I know I need to be extra honest about what I'm doing with the food and have it challenged when it needs to be.  It's hard in a public internet forum to know all that about an individual, and even hard to communicate that nuance and my benign intent in a few hundred words.

As usual, this is a fantastic post and I agree with every word. In my life, I have always looked to find people that have been successful at what I want to do, and I follow their example, but it always has to be doable by me and that means I have to understand my strengths and my limitations and I have to adapt other people's success to my abilities. 

It is always so interesting to see what people respond to in a post.  Most of the time when I respond to other people, I am just telling them the things I need to tell myself, or that I needed to be told.  I can easily fall into the "my way is best" thinking, but I just have to keep telling myself I'm not as smart as I think I am, and if I knew all the answers I wouldn't be here. 

I know everyone is not like me.  But I didn't start to get better until I heard someone else telling their story, seeing it was *my* story, and being open to doing something different.