It not what you say...But it's how you say it.

Ok, I'm gonna vent a little bit.  I come on this forum for support.  I really enjoy the forum.  Most of the people on here are awesome.  The success stories, the questions, and feedback have really been helpful.  I appreciate that.  Thank you!!  But this morning I was reading some of the comments left and I have to tell you I was really disappoint to find that we have bullies on here. Really....?  Who would leave a statement like that to another person is who is clearly struggling.   You should being asking yourself that question. Really???   Really you should.  

I have had to struggle with eating issues for over 20 years.  As I'm sure many have you have.  The constant yoyo dieting and trying to achieve body perfection.  I was not always overweight in fact I was very athletic and healthy.  But 3 years ago after having my second child I became depressed, just check out, and I became over weight. That was a metal and emotional set back.  But with the help of my husband and family I made progress. I've made some major life changes and I'm seeing results.  I can honestly tell you before I was overweight I didn't realize the pressure society puts on people who are overweight.  The discrimination, the stereo types, the way people treat you.  It's not always the best experience.  Being overweight means you are visibly invisible.  People see you but they don't see the real you. The overweight chapter in my life is slowly becoming my past but I'm using the experience to remember how to treat and have compassion for others.  

So for the those that want to use this forum to criticize and bully.  Really?

 

Amber

 

 

The interwebs is not for sissies. Honestly if I let what one anonymous person on the Internet ruin my day maybe I shouldn't be here.
It is true we are are struggling which is why we are here. We all took a huge risk having surgery to get healthy and I think it is understandable for people to get irritated when people post about eating cookies pizza and fried chicken. This website in large part is about being accountable so we should not be surprised when others don't support our unhealthy choices.

You are correct.  I am not encouraging people to enable bad eating behaviors.  But its in the delivery of the message.  You can make your points and express your opinion but still be mindful of others. :) I think people tend to receive the message in a much more positive way if they feel its genuine and come from a place of concern.

 

Have a blessed day.

True...I'm not always diplomatic in my reaction or response, but this is not the Miss America pageant and I think we're all adult enough to deal with real emotions. If I post a question asking if I eat a bunch of See's candies but within my caloric limit....and will I lose weight, I would expect not everyone will react sweetly to my post. Hey, I'm eating less than 600 calories a day...a little crankiness shouldn't be a huge surprise Just sayin'.

Your right this isn't the Miss America pageant and I certainly wouldn't get the Miss Congeniality award either. I have to admit all the talk of chicken and pizza eating had my head shaking too. And yes I think most of us at some point gets in those cranky moods too.  I just think some people on here are struggling a bit.  Right, wrong, or indifferent even though they may have had the sleeve and want to lose weight they are still in that self sabotaging mode.  They may or may not have recognized it. But either way they are crying out for either attention or help.  At the end of the day they will have to take ownership of their behavior and change it.  It sounds like you have. Wish you the best of luck on your weight loss journey.  :) 

Typically I don't respond to those kinds of posts. I also think others for the most roll their eyes and ignore them as well. it might be a case of a poster ignoring the previous 10 fried chicken eating posts but the 11th such posts gets it with both barrels?

Different people explain things differently....and different people hear things differently. What may be terse or unfriendly to you may be exactly what someone else needed to "hear".
"Bullying" to me is aimed at who a person IS (gay, white, obese, black, nerdy) not what a person DOES. Being irritated at someone's behavior and telling them so is far from " bullying", even if it's said in an unfriendly tone.
Like any place/forum/meeting that involves more than one person.....take what you want and leave the rest.

Point respectfully taken for the "IS".  But didn't obesity happen BECAUSE of what a person DOES, which was the result of a terrible eating habits.  I am in total agreement that tough love is needed at times and directness is need at times.  And it's hard to read into the written word when you are not physically engaging with the person.  You can't see the body language or facial expressions. I do agree there are plenty of examples were people statements about correct portion control is needed or asked great questions like "why" planning and portion control is not implemented.  Again I am in support of those comments and statement.  That's why I enjoy the forum because we all bring something different to the table.  Which gets us to do what were doing now.  Feel, express or thoughts and learn from each other.  But in "my opinion" some states or comments weren't helpful.  Again, just an opinion.  

 

 

Fair question....do all replies have to be helpful? It's nice when they are, but that's the policy of this board. Nor of the Internet.

I have generally stopped answering questions that clearly are not about gathering information but about seeking approval.  Everyone here knows we should not eat certain foods.  Even if you have no program from your doctor, it is disingenuous to think that you can lose weight and keep it off without eating a cleaner diet.  Fat people are usually the people that know the most about nutrition as we have battled this our whole lives.  I have learned to just pass certain posts by and let others, better suited in temperament, to provide the support and the help on these topics.