Self Sabotage

I'm within 2 pounds of my initial goal.  2 pounds is nothing, right?  I'm within 12 pounds from my updated goal.  12 pounds is also nothing, right?  I should be able to do this blindfolded or surrounded by cupcakes.  I've lost over 110 pounds in 7.5 months.  I should feel really proud, but I just don't today.  All I want to do is drown in food, preferably sugar, even though rationally it will make me sick, it will not bring me closer to my goal, it is an old habit of an old person who I don't want to exist any longer.  But she does.  She's still there, and she wants comfort or fullness or satiety.  Or it's just sabotage.  Sabotaging myself from getting to my goals, sabotaging myself bc I don't think I'm worth it.  I don't know what the answer is.  I'm trying to take it one meal at a time until I feel better.  Today is not a good day.  Today is a really, really hard day.  I don't want to fail.  I need to be better. 

BACK AWAY FROM THOSE CUPCAKES!! You can do this!! You are awesome!  You have come this far and you are an inspiration to me. Don't stop now! You are totally worth this and that little darling that you are holding totally deserves a healthy and happy mommy!!! 

Agreed, and good point.  I did have this surgery to help me be the best mom I can be.  I want to model good behavior both in my eating and how I treat myself.  Thanks

I so hear you. I have been struggling with that old me the last month now. I figure it's time for me to sit with my psychologist (she hosts our monthly group meetings) and come up with a plan.

In the meantime, she told me to go back to basics until our meeting (which isn't for a month). I'm struggling and arguing with the old me a lot today.

We can do this!!!!!

We can!  I should probably look into getting back into therapy.  I obviously have some issues that haven't been dealt with.

The great news is that you're here talking it out.  You are helping others -- including me -- with your honesty.

Get some hot tea or something if you are able, and don't physically put yourself anywhere in the vicinity of anything like what you described.  If you can't touch it, you can't eat it.  Keep right there in the front of your thinking, how ill it will make you feel to eat something like that.  It's so not worth it.

You keep taking good care of yourself and keep working toward that goal.  As the saying goes, don't give up what you want most for what you want right now!

Totally true.  It's not like I even really want the sugar, it's more that it's always been a go to when I'm feeling down or needing something I'm not getting emotionally.  I will keep working towards my goal and trying to be kind to myself in the process.