Should of been quiet from the beginning

Hello, perhaps this may change a few minds of newbies who are undecided to tell others about their weight loss surgeries.  For me, I wish that others hadn't known about it.  Really, my family members are supportive, BUT it's the continuing "how much have you lost so far", "what did you lose this week?"  To me, it's like they are just waiting for me to fail this--perhaps that is just my perception, but it's how I feel.  I feel that when I have bad weeks, it's a disappointment to everyone.  A few co-workers knew of my decision also, even though I've changed positions and am no longer at my previous job, a few of my co worker friends can't wait to see me, to see how much weight I've lost (it's only been a month and a half).  If I had kept it quiet, this little bit of pressure wouldn't be a problem for me.

A friend of mine told me she does NOT weigh herself at home. She only gets weighed when she goes to her WL Surgeon. She didn't want her life to revolve around a scale and when asked how much she has lost, she honestly doesn't know.

I understand completely.  I have only told two people.  One of them every time we speak she asks how much have you lost?  How much more are you trying to lose?   I feel so much pressure to have a good "performance"  I have finally started responding with "I have lost quite a bit but still have a long way to go".

Good answer, I think I will use that one myself!

they are probably jsut trying to keep you motivated in their own weird way.  Its hard to know how to do that, or if someone needs it.  I would jsut come up with come lame excuse like 'i only weight once a month, i'm not a slave to the scale!'.  that'll keep em quieter.  lol

I hear what you are saying.  I have struggled with the decision of who to tell. 

I have not yet had surgery, it's next month but as I grow closer, I am more open about it.  I think that is because I am more confident about the process.  I had a lot of pressure to lose weight to qualify and on weeks I did not do well I felt like a failure when I told them about my lack of results. 

On the other hand, but telling my close family, close friends, and a few co-workers, I have gained so much support.  This, for me, outweighs my fear of telling them I failed. They all share my excitement when my weight is going in the right direction and support my when I am challenged by my lack of progress.   

This is a very personal journey and each one of us will chose the best way to walk that path.  I chose to take this journey surrounded by people who help and support me through this process. 

Don't worry too much about what others think.  It is your body, journey, and life. 

WLS is serious business and those who understand, get it.  I waited until the night before surgery to tell my best friend.  I said that I didn't think he would understand, but wanted him to know.  He has been nothing but supportive.

Others don't get it.  But they are asking, and that is positive. Maybe they have always wanted to encourage the weight loss.  Maybe they are just nosey!  Either way, I would come up with a standard answer.  They'll get it by the 2nd or 3rd time when they hear.... "It's going great!  Still a long way to go".  Keep telling them that and they will eventually back off.

And stay motivated... these are the people you will eventually **** off when you are skinnier than them!

I think that we are hyper sensitive after surgery, especially after being heavy most of our lives. We are always ready to assume the worst from people, having been taught that from our life experiences.  Perhaps they are just trying to be supportive, or voicing their concerns.  I know that when I first had my surgery, everyone had an opinion as to whether I should lose more, had lost enough, etc.  But over time, I came to realize that they were just concerned.  For years, I endured, "you are too thin, to obsessed, unhealthy, etc"  I realized that they were just so used to seeing me heavy, that anything less was too thin for them, although not for me.  I also learned not to talk about my weight loss since it would only start their concerns all over again.  I found that I could only speak openly about my surgery concerns, progress, etc with fellow WLS veterans.

 Now, years later and stable at this eight for over 4 years, no one seems to notice or comment.  Except of course for my SILs(for I have 2), who always did , do and will have an opinion about everything!! LOL!!!  Just last night I got a backhanded compliment from them, comparing me to a "little athlete"!

When people ask me or my husband about how much I've lost, I take it to mean that they are excited and/or concerned for me.  Since I've always been open about having WLS *AND* doing the necessary self-care afterward, it's never been a problem or something which has given me even a moment's pause. 

I'm not ashamed of having the surgery, but I'm ashamed of getting myself to the point where I needed it in the first place.  I use that poignant memory to keep first and foremost in my mind that I NEVER want to return to those days and that physical condition.  It has kept some foods the hell out of my mouth postop, for sure. 

If you are defining a stall as being a "bad week," well, they happen.  Inquiring minds don't have our perspective to understand that.  If you are inclined, some honest sharing would educate them and perhaps alleviate some of their bated-breath intensity.  It's certainly your choice as to how much you disclose to anyone.

Hang in there!

I personally announced it on Facebook where I have 400 some odd friends. I also started a blog about my entire journey. I am an all out there type person! I have not one secret! In my opinion every single person I know knows that I weighed a lot... I mean lets face it... You can't exactly hide when you weigh 300 lbs. they all saw me eat like a flipping cow! So... When all of a sudden they see me eating like a bird and losing like 40 lbs in 5 weeks, they are not stupid and they know something is up. I personally did not want all of the "oh my god.... You have lost so much weight, how are you doing it" what would I say? Some magic elf came in the middle of the night and took away my appetite? Yes I could say that I have just decided to eat healthy. But I had failed at doing that many times before... So to avoid any questions I have to try and avoid.. I am just honest. This is and has always been my philosophy on life... I too did not purchase a scale. I only weigh in at my docs office. I am not revolving my life around the scale. I don't get very many people that ask me how much I have lost... Because I always announce it on Facebook along with all my struggles, so that way no one ask. People ask how things are going or how am I doing. My answer is always... It is a process and I am learning how to adjust. I do however get comments like ... I am so proud of you for making this decision.... You were beautiful before and you are getting more beautiful everyday.... Your son is very lucky to have such a strong mom who is willing to make sacrifices for him..... I commend you for taking a step towards being a great role model for your son..... If someone has an opinion about me having surgery that is not positive, who flipping cares.... I did not do it for them, I did it for my son. And if you have not already noticed or assumed, but yes I would tell them to kick rocks! 

Here is my blog if you want to read it......

http://myweightlossjourney302.blogspot.com/