Had dinner with my my doctor :)

Perhaps then I should say more because maybe you need to become aware of other things. I get that you are the facts and science guy. That is great. I am an engineer and get the whole need for the facts! I get the fact that you were standing up for a friend. (Not sure that you would have replied in the same way if it was a stranger) However, this process is not all about science and facts. It is also a journey that is a great deal of behavioral and thinking changes. Those of us who are further along in the process can help those who need to be aware of another way of thinking. That is done when a kind and educational reply is given. That "emaciated and anorexic" comment was based in fear. When someone uses dramatic words they are coming from a place of fear. It simply demonstrated to me that this person needs to learn a new perspective.  It truly was not an "attack" towards the original poster. Even if it was an attack, it does not justify the mean replies. I hope this gives you something new to think about.  I will send out good thoughts for you.  

That's great that you all know about the OP and what motivates her from just one post. 

Of course, the reality is that you have no idea what her motivation was. Or how she'll react. Or what she needs.

But Elina posted that she talked to her DOCTOR and her DOCTOR told her to lose weight. To respond to that as the OP did was completely out of line. If being called her **** causes her to go away, well, that's her problem. But a large portion of being successful on this journey is to own your **** Which doesn't happen if you get coddled and allowed to say stupid stuff and no one can call you on it because "OMG, we might scare away the newbies".

Elina, I feel the urge comment long-ish on this to maybe get a better understanding about where you, me, and we all for that matter, as formerly MO, obese or even just slightly obese people are post-op and how we can move through our post-op lives with sanity and comfort.. bear with me as this is going to be a long brain dump, and please don't think I'm picking on your desire to get to your low-end weight. I'm sure some, and even you may not appreciate this and feel as if I'm being critical- I'm not. I'm posting it from an entirely different point of view.. 

We all have been at an unhealthy high weight, but some do swing the opposite way (disordered eating is not usually one sided, it can swing wildly from one side to the other) and for those that can be triggered, I want to get more information going in this often repeating conversation, and perhaps even add another viewpoint.. the fact that it comes around on a fairly frequent cyclical pattern raises my concern level- for lack of a better word, not necessarily for you- but for those that are also fighting the fight for health and well-being.

I've been at or under my goal of 155 for some time (5'7"-ish).. I got down to a downright boney 134ish where I was gaunt, ribs up the sternum, no breast tissue and looked (and felt) icky naked.. BUT a big part of me didn't want to add any weight even though I hated the way my face, chest etc looked.. (to be honest, I wanted to get lower) I added filler to my face to try to help that (it works, another tangent there) but.. I really needed to add 10lbs.

Those found me as I finally relaxed my intake and adjusted my activity, but the feeling of panic as my skinny jeans got snug was extreme, despite everyone from my husband to friends and family telling me I looked  much better aka not so bird-like at my higher weight range.. but I STILL battle/battled the feeling of wanting to drop 10lbs.. I did not want to hear them, I liked my jutting hip-bones, I liked being the skinny woman.. something I never had before. I battled this for a bit and fell into the fasting on soup/salad to lose pattern for a bit.. then I realized what I was doing to myself- and also to those around me, by my level of obsession on restricting and weight, and I stopped that cycle before I got too stuck in it. I adjusted slightly, and have leveled off finally..

The idea of losing the added cushion I've comfortably maintained for the last year or so would hold more draw for me, save for one big point: I truly enjoy how I eat and how I move at this weight, and to MAINTAIN my lower weight I would have to either cut into that level of enjoyment to a degree that I physically (and mentally) find very unpleasant on a day to day level or do the short and sweet route of periodically crash dieting with soup/salad etc/aka very low cal restriction... and I have went that route since hitting goal a few times (partly, to be honest by reading on here), and though I still could drop the excess fairly fast going back to those behaviors for a short time, it creates the perpetual cycle that eventually led me to "diet my way fat" years ago.. restrict.. drop weight, relax, go up in weight.. restrict... eventually that becomes very destructive and psychologically damaging as I am either living life, or I'm in a restrict cycle to lose it as fast as I can lest it stick.

I saw this pattern happening again post-op back when I was posting more often and decided to hop off the train.. I stopped weighing (it was driving the train), I stopped counting cals and periodically restricting, I started eating very well (meaning, very healthy), and only tracking my behaviors (was I obsessing/eating well or not/trying to restrict) and my weight found it's happy place and has been there since.. no wild swings.. I now only weigh once a month.. and my jeans fit, get a little snug, go back to comfy, but this all happens in a continuum without judgement of the scale, and without the need to go days eating a very low intake periodically, which for me.. and I suspect others that do/did the cycle, intentionally or not- does damage to themselves which at some point is not sustainable.

There is a set point between the lowest weight one can ever physically achieve and the lowest weight one can healthily (mentally and physically) maintain. I could get down to my low end range of weight again, but I also understand that in order to maintain that I have to be periodically unhealthy in mind, and to some extent in my eating.. For me, it's now about balance of body/emotion/mind- as that lack of balance led me to become morbidly obese and over 300lbs at one point in my life, I don't want to engage in any behaviors that could lead me back down that path.

I truly do appreciate what you've added to the boards over the years, and the example you can and do set on maintaining a loss.. but I also will express concern at the pattern I see happening, and though it may work well for you- please understand, though I know you frequently add a disclaimer now, that it may come off as slightly unbalanced to others- and could be triggering for some. Take my words for what they are- just words, like anyone else's.. and that I hope all who have undergone this surgery to become healthier find a path that they can live within comfortably.

No worries, I am really not at all sensitive about my weight.  It's just not an emotional issue for me.  When I decide to lose weight now I just do what works for me and lose it.  If I continue to eat off plan for a while (especially wine tasting and partying) I gain a bit.  I am very comfortable with my current weight and only struggled with the idea of what is best for me.  I trust Dr. Cirangle and agree with his assessment of the situation.  I think I am/was rationalizing my weight gain and Dr. Cirangle called me on it.  Please understand, no response evoked anger or pain or concern from me.  I am just sharing my journey.   I am sure you are finding your comfort level and are happy with your progress in maintenance.  Form me, the fact that I felt the need to hear my doctor's perspective makes it clear to me that I had doubts about these extra few pounds.  I think most people (normal weight people) are always monitoring and adjusting their eating to maintain their weight.  I think of this as normal behavior.  We all need to find a level of comfort with our weight and our eating.  It sounds like you have found it.  I celebrate that  for you.   

I definitely know where you are coming from and it's a lot of why I no longer post regularly on these boards. I've also stopped weighing myself very often. It was an invaluable tool in the early days but at some point it became an unhealthy behavior.

The thing is, I know damn well when I'm eating badly and I know when I'm gaining and not healthy. I don't need the scale to tell me that. In fact, sometimes it takes the scale a while to catch up so to speak and I can use it to lie to myself. Yes, I've been eating candy every day and not getting in enough protein and eating when I'm not hungry, but THE SCALE SAYS I'M NOT GAINING! Bwahahaha.

So now I use my eyes and my common sense. And I weigh myself once in a while as a calibration. To verify what I see in the mirror more so than to tell me what I should already know.

It took a long time to get to that point though. There was a long time when I could look in the mirror but I could not see my body. Not clearly anyway. Yes, I could see how my clothes fit, but I still couldn't trust this information. I needed that extra piece of data that the scale provided. It was reassuring because it allowed me to trust my eyes and my feelings.

Another thing is: if I'm not eating healthy and I'm not living healthy, then who cares if my weight is still at the right number? I still want to change my behavior. So another thing not weighing does for me is let's me change my behavior when it's destructive even if my weight is fine.

for lack of like button..

I am finding all this interesting...the various replies and stances and the original post.  It allows me to be open minded about myself, my body, and my journey...not quite sure how this will end up for me but just seeing the various experiences and thoughts through this simple post makes me be open minded about my own experiences and thoughts so as to see the different possibilities and agendas my brain may be doing in order to defend itself from some perceived unconscious psychological traumas/desires.  I think there can be any or all of these archetypes in my psyche at any time and it's good to know what these can be given the 'right/wrong/different/same' cir****tances and why it may be necessary in my mind for the moment and what needs to last and what doesn't need to last given the 'health' of that archetype for various 'growing seasons' in my journey!  I appreciate everyone helping me to stay 'open' and listen to what is going on with my brain as I go along here.

As a 5'10 male who dropped from 265 to 164 I was surprised at the reactions (when I was younger w/o the help of a sleeve).

At first I enjoyed the compliments - "you look great", "tell me your secret", "keep it up". But friends, and a newish girlfriend (she never knew me above 200lbs) became concerned about my "malnutrition" when I hit 170ish. 

As a person who has issues with judging others and feeling judged...personal comments about my health/weight struck close to home. At 165-170ish, I had a bit of a love handle, the start of some muscle definition, and finally was able to see my collar bone. I laughed internally as I was eating appx 2k calories a day, was on the normal bmi chart and needed an x-ray to see where my ribs were. My yet fragile self confidence was taken aback by others (non-medical) opinions. 

Since then, I worked on caring less about what others think, especially about my weight (and I've gained over 200lbs the last 10 years)

This post struck a nerve - different than the others posts about who to tell you are having surgery and how they react after we lose weight. I plan to be open, but focus on what's healthy for me. I hope to reach the spot that others who suggest I lose another 20lbs or say I lost #20 to much can save their breath. 

Thanks for the reminder as I begin my journey to focus on how I feel, how my body reacts/looks, and what my doctors say - not friends/colleagues/strangers reactions. 

You rock!!!!!!   I love it, do what is best for you based on your decisions not anyone's judgement.  By the way, I look awesome at 105, and 110 and probably even at 115, it's really more about my healthy, my sanity and weight loss history.  No one can tell me what I should or should not weight except for my doctor.  He is allowed to tell me because I choose to give him this power.  The choice is mine.  I just posted a picture of myself and I can see the few extra pounds now.  Still think it looks good, but 105 FEELS better.  :)

How wonderful to have Dr. C all to yourself and enjoy his company. I totally agree with you. Although I am exactly the same height as you, I go between   119 and 122 now. My lowest was 115. I keep saying I want to lose those 5 or so lbs but I never seem to manage it. Mostly because everyone said I looked ill when I was at 115. Every body is different. Dr. C tells me to be happy where I am and says my weight is perfect. He did say, however that if I really wanted to lose 5 lbs he was there to help and encourage me to do it. You look perfect at your weight and I think that you are wise to listen to his advice. The only thing I will say is that sometimes Dr. C changes what he tells you. One time I will see him and he says one thing then it changes the next time. It drives me crazy!!!!