Telling Mr. Right?

I know many of you undertook this procedure with the support of spouses and may have even gone through it together or one after another.  However, while I had the support of my parents, I am still trying to find Mr. Right.  Which means dating.  Which means awkward meals with awkward conversations, made even more awkward since I can only eat 4 bites (give or take).  And excuses about not being that hungry or having had a "late lunch" which I've heard before only work so long.  I am afraid of proceeding because ultimately it will have to come out.

And it scares the crap out of me.

I'm not ashamed, per se but I know people's thoughts about this varies widely and I am afraid of the rejection/disgust/pity/ignorance that might scare them away.  I know if he doesn't accept what I've done, then he probably isn't right, but I'm afraid that how I break it might determine his ultimate reaction, so I'm curious:  Has anyone had the experience of telling a date what they've done?  How many dates or how long did you wait before you said something?  How did it come up?  What were the reactions and how did you deal with them?  

My brother had surgery as well and Mrs. Right (now my future sister-in-law!) is a Registered Dietitian who works exclusively with bariatric patients in MA so she ended up being suuuuper understanding.  I should be so lucky...

I have been thinking about the same thing lately... I am single and will (HOPEFULLY) start dating soon. As of right now, I plan to be totally honest and just explain that I had surgery. As for how to actually go about saying it? I have no idea! I figure I'll just let the conversation happen naturally. Knowing myself, I'll probably end up going at it in an "educational" sort of way. ("I just don't eat much at one time... I used to be a lot heavier and recently had surgery, blah blah blah")... And it's like you said. If you get some sort of negative reaction, he isn't "Mr. Right." 

Best of luck in the dating scene!! I've recently gotten on eHarmony and it's kind of scary!

I would wait a few dates before going for food just to get to know the person and see if you want to bother telling him.  If you feel he's a 'potential' and the dinner date comes up you can then go the light hearted route.  "Sure I'd love to go, lucky for you I'm a cheap date.  I can't eat much because of my surgery." When he asks what surgery explain that you decided to change your life because you didn't like where it was headed and what kind of surgery you had.  If you act worried so will he, if you act confident so will he be confident in what you did.  If he acts like an ass I suggest kicking him in the shin.

Good luck.

Haha. I thought you were going to say, kick him to the curb, but I like the idea of kicking him in the shin.  Thanks for the advice. I figured I can avoid dates involving meals or food for only so long, since I don't want that to be weird either.

I'm not sure where the right place is going to be or when. I guess I'll have to play it by ear when I find someone who has potential.   

I dated after my sleeve and really didn't find it to be an issue. I didn't make excuses and honestly, no one noticed or commented. My current BF (of nearly 2.5yrs) said something at some point (we were at a baseball game and I gave him my ID to get me a beer and it was my preVSG pic) along the lines of "I never know how to say this, but it's obvious that you lost a lot of weight at some point. You look awesome, not that you didn't before." So, I knew he was a keeper and I told him about having the sleeve.

If it really bothers you, make your first few meetings activity or non-food dates. Walks, museums, grabbing a drink, coffee, etc. Besides, a first date should only last an hour or so, not be a full out dinner.

I was married before having the sleeve, so I don't have first hand experience with dating after the surgery, but I do know a few things about men in general.  :)  Honestly, most of them could care less about this issue.  They see you as you are right now and that's their main focus.  The less you stress about it, the better for all around.  I would not lead with it, but I wouldn't hide it either.  Let it be just one more thing about you like just another characteristic. There is nothing sexier than confidence.  

I agree - I recommend not making a big deal about it.  Most of the guys I know would be turned off if you took the "serious talk" approach.  He says, "That's all you're going to eat?"  You say, "Yeah, I had a stomach surgery, so I stick with small meals.  It was good though - do you want some?"  And unless he asks questions - just move on.  Medical history questions aren't good early date conversations!

As a man I can tell you we don't really care. We are as nervous as you are the 1st few dates, we have stuff in our "closet" too. Those dates are about learning about each other, go ahead and tell him if he asks - it will give you something else to talk about ! If he gets real quiet after you tell him, he may just be uncomfortable and doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to say the wrong thing and hurt your feelings !! Don't assume he's quiet because he's turned off by it. Joke about how cheap a date you are, we like humor. 

I've been obese my whole life but I dated some extremely hot ladies, and ended up marrying (19 years and counting) an ex beauty pageant contestant. My wife tells me she was attracted to me because of my confidence. I wasn't scared to ask out any woman - if she said no, she didn't know what she was missing !! Rock an attitude like that. Confidence is hot. Please don't take this the wrong way (I'm not a perv), but you look like a very pretty woman in your picture, if someone doesn't like the fact that you had surgery tell him to **** off :)  

Thanks. It's nice to have a guy's perspective.  I guess I've never been super confident around guys to begin with, so now I feel even more different.

Good to know it might not matter that much.

Honestly if they had a negative opinion of you because of trying to get healthy they don't matter. 

A pretty smile, good conversation and confidence matter far more than trivial details that you don't have to reveal. 

Who said you need to go out to dinner for dates anyway. 

Coffee, bowling, going to a blues club and dancing, movies, concert**** a museum or  hell even a bike ride or hike. 

Dinner dates are so tired and such an arbitrary process. We've all been there and honestly it's expensive and without an engaging activity first dates can be awkward as hell.