Can't wrap my brain around this...

I had surgery 6 months ago (tomorrow) and have lost very nearly half of my excess weight. 49% I've lost 87 pounds. This is an incredible number, I realize, especially since it was lost in a 6 month period of time. Never ever happened before! My NUT said she likes to see a loss of between 50% to 60% of the excess weight by 6 months post-op, so I'm doing ok. I would have rather had my loss at 60% but I won't complain because I'm at least touching the 50% mark.  :)   Incredible! Unbelievable! Now on to the real reason I'm writing, LOL I do worry about 2 things.  The first is reaching my goal weight. I haven't been a normal weight since before puberty. Once puberty hit, my PCOS kicked in and I've been an easy gainer ever since. I'd smell food and gain 5 pounds, and I'm only kinda sorta joking when I say that. Now add to that, I'm an emotional eater and that compounded the problem. My highest weight was 310 lbs. I'm just so used to being fat. I can't imagine life as a thin person, I kind of always thought it was my fate (for lack of a better word) to be fat. So here I am losing weight and I have an irrational fear that my weight loss will stop and I'll never be a thin person. I've just never succeeded before and this is current success blowing my mind and so my worry kicks in and I don't have confidence in getting to goal and that stinks, really. I look at those of you who are at goal, or are nearly there and you look so great, but my mind says, "Yeah, but that's them, not you." Grrrrr. The second is: How can I feel confident that I can maintain my weight loss, goal weight or what's gone now? This never happened before. Every diet/new way of eating failed and I'd gain the weight back AND THEN SOME. :::shudder::: So why will this time be different??? Why is there a difference between this new way of eating compared to another time where I had a new way of eating? I've created fabulous new habits before and lost weight and then I'd **** up and screw every thing up for myself. Will this happen again? I fear it will because that's my past pattern.  :\ 

Does anyone else feel like this???  

Just so you know, these are not irrational fears! I feel exactly the same way...every day! I am down 87 lbs in just over 4 months with 34 lbs left to go, and for the last month I have been questioning everything almost daily. I am scared that the losing will just stop and then the numbers on the scale will start creeping in the other direction. My bariatric program manager tells me it's normal to have these fears because it's how we have lived our lives thus far. Everytime we have lost weight, we've gained it back and more. So our minds are used to a loss, and then used to a gain immediately after. I am scared to death that I will reach my goal weight and then start gaining again just to prove to myself that I will fail at this just like everything else I've done before.  As for how do we know this time will be different?...I guess I really don't know. I haven't figured everything out yet. Our stomach is smaller, so we can't help but eat smaller amounts. A lot of the foods that we ate to make us obese we can't tolerate anymore...dumping! So with a smaller stomach, no choice but to eat healthier or be sick, and knowing we chose a procedure with a proven track record, we have to know that our weight loss goals can be met and maintained. Surgery is not an answer, but a tool that we must use in order to be successful. It's not magical, we can still gain weight back. We just have to know that it will work if we continue to work hard and eat right and maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Have faith in yourself. It's a stretch for me sometimes, but I am learning that it's really not a dream anymore. I have lost a small person and I can reach my goals, I WILL DO IT this time. FAITH. It's all I've got at this point and I'm clinging to it like my security blanket.

Hi, Ashley... I am so glad to have such a small stomach. I do eat soooooooo much less than I used to. It's cool to feel so normal in that sense. I'm eating more like a thin person would instead of a person who can't help but to pack on pounds by eating like I did. Ugh. As for dumping...I don't. I kinda wish I did, and OTOH, I'm glad I don't. Two edged sword, y'know?  I'm learning moderation and learning to be picky and choosy. My fear is that I'll fail and BETRAY myself. I've done it before. I can be so frustrating sometimes!!!  One thing I've realized, and if anything this will be the key to my success: I do know that when I look at the future, if I look too far ahead, I feel overwhelmed. But if I just look at today alone and leave tomorrow for tomorrow...I do so much better. I can do anything today, because today, this small 24 hour span of time, I can stay focused and not worry about failure. I think, "My god, can I make the right choices for the rest of my life??" Totally overwhelming and scary. But, "Can I make the right choices for today??" Much easier to handle. It's just hard for me to keep this in mind. It's not a thoughtless habit yet. I still get scared sh*tless 

I worry about everything .. what will it be like to be thin? .. i have NO idea .. i've never been thin .. so that worries me..

What if i never reach my goal?? What if i gain?

It drives me crazy sometimes but i can't help it.. we just have to realize that right now in this moment ... what will happen in the future doesnt matter ... all that matters is enjoying what we have right now .. i know thats hard to do though .. but its worth a try i think :)

You're right, Cristy, living in the monent and enjoying it is so important. I try to keep that in mind. Think about today and let all the tomorrows worry about themselves. I try to focus on this and it isn't easy. It seems like it should be easier than it is!

If I could ever actually realze that I'll eventually be a thin person, I'd worry about that too.

You sound like I did 2 years ago.  Just keep doing what your doing and it will come off.  Heck, it took over 2 years for me to get to goal, but I GOT THERE!!!!  My body just took a lot longer to lose it all than others and I have had no complications, aside from a stricture at 3 weeks out. As far asa losing:  after 6 months, I would only lose weight the week following the end of my period and that would be 5-8 pounds and then the rest of the time my body was shifting around and I lost inches. SO, the moral to my story is make sure your measuring yourself. The number on the scale is just one part of the equation.  I have lost 147 pounds but more importantly is I have lost over 82 inches off my frame.  I went from a tight 26/3X to a Small/med?lg shirt (depends on style) and 10 almost 8 in pants.  Heck, even my feet lost weight!! Hang in there!!!

Hi Cassandra... Thanks for the encouragement.  I haven't measured myself at all yet. I realize I should so that I can monitor that while the scale stands still. Not sure why I didn't from the beginning. No, wait, I think it was because it was one of the things I've done before and failed anyway. I wanted to go into gastric bypass very differently and I unconsciously decided to take this very casually and just wanted to change without jumping through hoops. Funny I didn't realize why I did that til just now typing. Anyway, I may start or maybe I'll just...not. But I do see why it's a good idea, in general. When the scale stands still it's nerve wracking, lol. Again, thanks.  :) 

Now is the time to think positive.  Now is the time to think thin.  Each time you think negative thoughts replace them with a positive thought.  Say to yourself, I am a success.  Not I will be one, I am one.  You are a success you know.  Don't concentrate on thinking about losing weight, think about eating healthy and being healthy.  The rest will come.  Tell yourself that you are thin.  You are!  The thin you is there waiting to be revealed.  You will know when you are thinking negative thoughts because they will make you feel bad.  When you feel bad replace the thoughts with ones that make you feel good.  It works.  Good luck, Loris

I'll practice this. I know you're right! Thanks!!!

You pretty much have put into words the way I feel as well.  I also have PCOS and have just steadily gained since puberty.  I haven't even had the surgery yet, and your fears are the same top two that I have.  You are definitely not alone in how you feel.