Dad chooses stepmom over me (sorry long)

So my life is just a mess right now. This week i was kicked out of the house by my stepmom. So i had to pack what i could in one suitcase an move. I had no other choice but to come live with my mom in Ohio. i have to finish the last 4 weeks of my senior year of high school at a new school. i have been in the same school district with the same friends since 3rd grade. my dad took my college money and my car. I just cant believe my dad would let my stepmom kick me out of the house because she doesnt get along with me. she is always calling me loser saying i am no better than any of the other loser family members. she also tells me i am going to be nothing in life, an is always making a reference about my weight. How can a father just stand back an let this happen. i am not even allowed to return to get the rest of my belongings. the stuff i am allowed to take my dad said he would pack up an sit on the front porch. I dont think i will ever forgive my father for what he has done to me. he has never really been a good father but this is the breaking point where i cant handle things anymore. Whats a scared 18 year old to do in this situation?

I don't really have any advise for you, but I wanted to give yo a big ((((((((hug))))))))) and let you know that I am thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. 

Ok from a parents point of view I have to ask what happened. A parent does not just decide to throw you out without some thought.  Something has to have gone on.  There is two sides to a story I would love to give you advice but I would need to know what lead up to him just throwing you out like that.  Renee

I have to agree. I was wondering the same thing. And a father shouldn't have to be made to chose between his wife and his daughter. I'm not saying you put him in this position, 'cuz maybe she did. Either way, it's not fair. My daughter made me choose too many times. Eventually she lost. In the end she got so unruly that I had no choice but to put her in foster care. I do hope that you get something resolved to keep a relationship with him. You only have 1 father and 1 mother. You'll miss them horribly once they're gone. Unfortunately, I know.

Kristen, I would set down and write him a letter telling him how I felt. In that letter say to him that your wife can one day kick you out to when she is tired of you and then who will you have to still love you? Where will you go? YOu made a promise to me when I was born that you would love me and take care of me until I was old enough to do so on my own. But apparently your  promise had a clause in it that stated or until my new wife doesnt want you in our lives because you are a constant reminder of the previous marriage and the previous life. Then write the step monster a letter saying that you can forgive her and hope that one day she doesnt get kicked to the curb like she did you.  This may sound vengeful but it totaly makes me angry when step monsters do this kind of crap. I was a step Mother to 3 kids and I had my hands ful I never treated them badly. Its been 6 years since their Dad and I broke up and the kids still call me Mom and and we have a great relationship. I may not agree with some things they have done but I still love them  and hope for the best for them

I am so very sorry.  Please know that I am keeping you lifted in prayer.   Kimberly

   I am really sorry that this has happened to you, My mother always chose any guy she was with over me. That being said, there are three sides to every story YOURS, YOUR DADS and what ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There are many emotions when something like this happens and as someone who was a step daughter and made life very hard for my Step Mother and as a Step Mother that has been tormented over the years by a step daughter I can see both sides.    For many years my DH's older daughter did everything but refer to me as the anti christ, because he divorced her mother, of course he did this 5 years before he met me but it was always my fault. I tormented my Step Mom because her and her kids lived the life I could only dream of. Little girls always want Daddy to pick them and make them the center of their lives. But Daddy needs to have an adult love who can support him and help him deal with life.    Hopefully you can work this all out and not too much damage has been done, although in some situations nothing can be done and it is best to just move on .

Hi Kristen, I wasn't there and I didn't see what transpired in the end-all-be-all arguement of 2008, but I can speak from hindsight having been there done that already.  I clashed with my mother, and it started around the time when I was about 13.  We were oil and vinegar. I experienced many moments like this in my lifetime with my parents, and I'll tell you know that chances are you will patch things up with your dad and maybe even your step-mom too.  When I was in 11th grade, I moved in with my dad and we got along great.  Dad treated me like a roommate and grownup.  It was really cool.  I learned how to cook so I didn't have to do the dishes, I kept my side of the house clean very willingly because it was our agreement instead of  because I was blatantly told to do it.  I even learned how to do laundry.  Looking back, it was very interesting how we got along so well.  At the end of that year, enter the returning of his ex-wife.  It went okay for a couple months, but I could feel the tension rising.  Dad and I were pals, and she was jealous of that.  She and I usually got along, but that tension was building, so for my senior year I decided to go back to Mom's so Dad could have every opportunity to get his marriage back on track. So, I'm getting along alright with my mom for a while, and we have our own huge arguements along the way.  I remember my dad coming down to diffuse us once, at the request of my step-father because he was at his own wits end.  We were good for a few of these a year.  When I moved out after graduation, Mom and I got along well.  We talked on the phone all the time because I had moved to Baltimore to go to college and everything was great between us.  After I graduated, I moved back home while searching for a job, and within a few months, we had another huge arguement, but this time I was an adult and I left.  Not only did I leave, but I left, eloped and didn't talk to her for about 2 months.  She found out about my getting married when my dad called me a week later (at her request) to see how I was feeling about things.  Boy were they both surprised.   Fast forward a few years, Mom and I were very close and she had moved to Ohio.  My husband was offered a job in the same city and we moved in with her hoping to bank money for a few months to buy a house.  It only lasted 3 weeks and we had another blowout and we moved out quickly, finding an apartment. In retrospect, I know that Mom and I are extremely close, but just can't live together.  Our personalities are still oil and vinegar.  I'm laid back and she's high strung.  I weigh out how things affect me and realize they're just not worth a battle -- while she blows off the handle with no notice.  Her quick temper hurt my feelings more than enough times.  I never understood how she can say such hurtful things.  Being in a marriage, I learned that no matter whether or not you mean what you say, you still inflict pain.  I made it a point to not do that in my relationships.  My mom still flies off the handle from time to time, but it's the way she is.  I have the option to remove myself now from the situation and can turn her off for a while (she hates that, btw) and not talk to her for a few weeks until she cools down.  When she's ready to move forward and not dredge any old stuff up, she calls me.  She always asks "are you still mad" and I say "no, just waiting it out for you to cool down" and we go on from there like it never happened.  It's a lot easier to do that now as an adult with my own life experience behind me to reflect on.  I see some of you in what I was feeling back then. You on the other hand, have your own thing going on inside of you.  OMG, I am SO glad I'm through that phase in my life!  I just recently told my son (14 yrs old) that most girls will remain in crisis throughout school, and if he finds one who isn't in some kind of crisis, to hang on to her.  You're trying to figure out who you are, and having someone calling you a loser and whatever else isn't painting a picture.  Don't let her define who you are.  You are in control of that, and you can prove or disprove what she says.  I know it's hard to say not to let her get to you, because it really got to me at that age.  What I'm going to tell you is to believe in yourself and what you can do.  Moving to your mom's is probably the best way to diffuse the situation.  It sucks that you'll be finishing in a new school, but it's just a month out of the rest of your life, and you're old enough now to be able to connect with your friends, so it's not a death sentence to your friendships.  You're all about to embark on your own seperate adventures next year anyway.   Your dad did what made most sense to diffuse the tension.  He loves his wife, but he still loves you, too.  He knew you had an alternative place to go.   You are safe and can still meet your goals, and he can patch up the tension in his marriage.  He is not choosing you over her, and don't ever ask him to do that.  You're about to start living your own adult life, and if he still loves his wife, why shouldn't he continue to spend his life with her?  Would you expect him to live alone and broken hearted because his two favorite women in his world can't get along?  Give it some time, and tell your dad that you want to find a way that you can all get along.  You might find that living apart will do that the same way my mother and I did.  I hope it does.  Try not to hold grudges, they get very heavy as the years go by.  Learn to allow bygones and see what you can learn from situations like these and how you can use those lessons in the years going forward.   I think I'm babbling by now, but I hope you get my point.  Hold your head high and graduate.  In time, I'm sure things will work themselves out if both parties are willing.  If not, then you and dad can have your relationship seperately for a while.  You can do that now as an adult.

wow Val. you really opened up and gave her a terrific response. obviously this cuts close to home. kudos for taking the time to share it with someone.  i hope the op takes it to heart. judi

You're right, Judi.  Her story hit a piece of my own history for sure.  Now, 20 years later, I see it all through different eyes now that I'm all grown up and a parent myself.  I know that even now, if Mom and I are living together, we'll probably have another blowout.  With all of that, though, I have great long weekends with her.