Divorce after Weight Loss Surgery. Why?

So many people get divorced after a successful weight loss surgery. Why? Its so sad to me. I have been married for 21 years, I have lost a bunch of weight, sure I am a wee bit different in that I can do more, want to do more. I get hit on now.

But... I am doing more with my family, my husband. He hit on me when I was huge. The others wouldn't have. I do not intend to throw away a long marriage, a wonderful family. Why do others?

Is it that you never felt pretty and now you do? Is it that you didn't love your spouse in the first place and instead settled for who you could get? Is it a alcohol problem?

The changes people go through are significant to be sure. But why are long marriages breaking up? Its sad.

There are many reasons why one would get a divorce after many years of marriage. Some may have to do with once you lose the weight you become more cofident in yourself. I am currently going through a divorce after 24 years of marriage. We both had surgery so it really has nothing to do with that. We have grown apart and now that our children are adults we are left with nothing but each other at home. This ended up being the end of what has been coming for a VERY long time.

Its very sad, but it is not always the person who loses the weigjht that wants to get out of the relationship. The other oerson that has lived with us , maybe has always wanted out, maybe they just wanted to make sure we were confident with ourselfs first. Maybe they like they idea we had no self esteem and now feel threathen by us.sometimes its just time to part. glad you are happy in yours as i am in mine

One thing to keep in mind is that, in the general population, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. So, when we see discussion about divorce around here, it may seem like there's a strong link (and often the WLS or weight loss may be the catalyst). But who's to say that many of those marriages wouldn't have ended in divorce anyway? 

I have yet to see any concrete evidence that the divorce rate is higher in post-WLS people than the general population.

Here's your concrete evidence.. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7057530
Except that if you read it the findings that the increase was CAUSED by wls has been discounted by the fact that there were previous issues with the marriage. That's the problem with people's perceptions and even studies. Cause and effect is much harder to demonstrate than simply noticing a trend among a population.

I have seperated from my partner since having my surgery in Jan-10.  Not only did I change physically but he changed mentally!! He couldn't handle the fact that I was looking great, that men found me attractive.  He said he wished I never had the surgery (could he get anymore selfish??) He became very insecure, no matter how much I assured him that he was the only one for me.
So you see, it isn't alway the patient that changes and wants out of the relationship!!  My surgeon warned me that if your relationship is having any sort of issue's, the chances are very high that you will not make it and to seek counselling.
On a postive note, I'm doing great, taking care of me without having to worry about him.
Back in the dating scene and enjoying life!!

it's not always about the WLS patient leaving.  sometimes the spouse can't take the changes and they leave or make it so the WLS patient has no choice but to leave...

 I find it interesting that you seem to assume the marriages are all breaking up due to the wife. Don't you make room for the possibility that the husband may be feeling different after the wife has lost weight. Husbands do not always look at weight loss as a positive. Some feel threatened, and insecure, feeling that their wives may be looking more attractive to other men, and may want something different. Some feel that they had more control of their wives when the wives were heavy and may not have been as active in the "outside" world. Weight loss can bring a person back to interacting more, and some husbands don't appreciate that. Some husbands can be simply jealous about the new looks or new health, and feel badly about themselves, and don't like to face that every day.  You don't state one time in your post that the husband may have been the one to leave the marriage, and it may be HIS problem and HIS throwing away of the marriage, not the WIFE'S.  THAT omission, and one-sidedness on your part is what makes me sad.   And  no, I am not in a marriage that has broken up, but you certainly struck a negative chord in me for those who are.

I didn't say it is the wife. I didn't say it is the husband. Could be either sex. It does seem its the person who looses the weight that chooses to leave. Maybe not always, just usually.

 Is it that you never felt pretty and now you do? 

Sorry I jumped to that conclusion, but I haven't met many men who feel "pretty".  It read like the woman to me. I see that you didn't mean it that way. Thanks for clarifying.