165 lbs later, my husband doesn't care that I lost it all... WTF?

Pondered this one all day, would appreciate your "take" on it.  Began my WL journey nine  years ago, and I'm down 165 pounds, pretty stable size 10, and have been for the last three years.

This morning as we were waking up, my husband said to me, "What does it feel like to be thin and cute, now?"

(Husband is physicist, and geeky.  I have never once before heard either the word "thin," or the word "cute" come from his lips.  Not once in a quarter century of marriage.)

I SAID:  "It's nice to be able to go about life sort of incognito when I want to be, or to have people take me more seriously and really SEE me, when appropriate, because I'd always felt simultaneously conspicuous, and invisible, when I was SMO."

I THOUGHT ... gee, my husband thinks I'm thin, and he thinks I'm cute.  Imagine!

Then I asked him, "What does it feel like to have a wife who's thin and cute, now?"

He said .... drumroll please ....

"Don't know, never really thought about it much."

Honestly, I've felt like crying about this all day long, and I'm not sure why.  Does this man just not SEE me at all?  Or, conversely did he "SEE" me all the time and not care much about my packaging?  Or, is he entirely unaware of me, my life, and how I go about the world?

You'd have to ask him to know for sure.

Since he said you were thin and cute, it sounds to me like he has thought about it a little.  I mean, if he never thought about it, how could he have come to the conclusion that you are cute?

But I would guess that he just didn't care much about appearances but loved you for who you are, not how you look.

Kelly

 I think you're right, and appreciate your comment.  It's a little scary because I have always thought that who I looked like was, at least in part, who I am.

He's a physicist....it probably doesn't register.  that statement also works when you say: He's a man, it probably doesn't register.

As much as we would like for men to notice things, feel things, etc., they just don't see the things that we would like for them to, most of the time.

 

he thinks you are cute and thin and he didnt think much about the fact that you weighed more before.  Take the compliment.

Men are just different.....not bad but different.  Many don't get it

But look about it this way.  If he acted more like you, he'd be your girlfriend and not your husband. 

I wouldn't worry about it.  Sounds like he is pretty content just clueless.

Husband is physicist, and geeky.  I have never once before heard either the word "thin," or the word "cute" come from his lips.  Not once in a quarter century of marriage.)


Oh honey. This paragraph right here tells me all that I need to know about your husband. Honestly, there's no need for you to be crying. Really and truly. He is truly one of his type. I have yet to meet a geeky physicist who puts two and two together on this particular subject. It's just the way they are.

He loves you and that's what you should be concentrating on. Consider this a Mars/Venus thing and really no big deal. Because it's not.

I think it's actually beyond what you're worrying about - your husband loves you for your spirit/your soul/your personality, and is not overly concerned with your external packaging.

I imagine, to him, the most important thing hasn't changed... the YOU inside.... your appearance didn't matter to him nearly as much as the person you are.... since the YOU inside is all the same, what difference does the packaging make? 

My hubby compliments my new looks, but overall, he never thought of me as his SMO wife, and now he doesn't think of me as his skinny wife... he just likes the person I am, so the packaging doesn't matter.

The packaging is nice and he does appreciate you and your new appearance.  But he loves you for who you are inside and if you gained it all back tomorrow he would love you just as much or even more.  You are a lucky woman.