Reflections over last 15 month

So as I sit here reflecting my metamorphosis over the past 15 months I have noticed that I have made some big strides in regard to how I see myself physically. 

However, one thing that has not changed and that is I don’t like the way I always look.  Let me explain….. I was mortified at my girth and hid behind the cameras and behind anything else that was big enough to hide me. I never looked at people square in the eye or had confidence in anything. 

Now here I write you all and I am 115 pounds lighter than I once was and just recently was on a shopping trip with my daughter.  She was picking clothes out for me to try on. She said what size do you need and I hesitated and said “Uh…8". She brought them back and they fit. BUT that is not the thing that took me by surprised.   One thing that shocked me was how bad I really looked in those damn 3 way mirrors in dressing room with a huge wall mirror behind me. I began to pick myself apart. I started really looking at all the skin I had hanging. Then I turned around and HELLO…I have OLA (Old Lady Ass). It just was so saggy and bumpy…I realize that I am about to be 39 and things do sag as we age. So then I started picking parts of me up to see what I would look like if it was lifted and skin was tighter. I bent completely over and looked at my ass…which as long as I was bent over really didn’t look that bad. Then I happen to see all those damn veins in my legs that look like river legends on a map. In all this lifting of myself my daughter comes back and I let her into the room and she sits and is watching me try clothes on. At one point I had to adjust my panties and she said….Did you just tuck your tummy skin in your panties?!. I said yup…LOL!!   Then I proceeded to lecture her on taking care of herself. I made her look at me and explained how important to me that she take care of her body and not go down the path that I did. I am not in a position to worry with plastic surgery and I have other things that are more important for me to take care of rather than fixing my physical imperfections at this time. If there is a point in my life later down the road the enables me to look into having plastics then I will cross that bridge then.  So for now…My saggy skin, droopy boobs, OLA and river veins are my constant reminder of what I have done to myself and to become a healthier person. I know I am more than what you may see physically. I have become a very confident woman that knows what she wants. No matter if it is in the bedroom or in life in general.  

I am still taking care of others…just not neglecting me as much as I used to. I am slowly learning to take care of myself a little more every day…some days are better than most BUT that is my journey so far!!! 

Love yourself and embrace each step you make towards a healthier you!!!  

Well said! You've had such success. Congratulations!

I am glad to see you finished off your list of "don't like about myself" with some positive things you do like.  Sometimes we forget that part....

Congrats on your 115 pound weight loss!!!

Well...um, speaking strictly as a very visual man (and having just taken a look at the pics on your profile) all I can say is that.:

I, intellectually, know what you are talking about, but baby, you are a total Regulation Grade Hottie.

THAT comes across just from your gaze alone. Having looked at your pictures just a few seconds ago, left me with more than...a few, shall we say "impure thoughts". hee hee.

I think you have a good handle on the situation. Realistic and optimistic. BTW, you don't mention men, but in case you care; I sincerely doubt that, even guys who pride themselves for usually having self-control, would be able to get away from you, under pursuit.

Confidence in a woman who knows what she wants, and is not afraid to tell me, ALWAYS usurps the higher-function activies of my brain, and turns me into a hungry lion ready to feast.

Thank goodness that I've turned into a spiritual giant....NOT!

You look great, gorgeous. Keep up the good work!
Oh, and be nice to my fellow men. You never know which "normal looking" guy lives with an internal fat-guy inside who also questions the reflection on that mirror.

C.

Deborah: Great posting!!!  You have a great outlook on life in general and your daughter is lucky to have such a great mom! Best of luck to you and thanks for the great post!  Mary

 You are doing great and look awEsome ( I have to agree with Christian you are damn hawt ).
I think we all have body image problems. I hate looking at me without something covering my body.
Just keep on doing what you're doing and always keep a positive attitude.

THANK YOU ANDY!!! 

I totally get what you are saying. My OLA and the wrinkles in my stomach, and bat wings are horrible. But, clothes cover that up and I can always turn the lights off.

Outside i look great, naked,,,,,, oooh now that's scary. But hey, I earned every one of those wrinkles and I'm not going back.

So while i will be getting a panni next year, the arms and OLA will have to stay.

Congrats on your success. Great post.

J