Heal me.

I need a healin'.

How's this for POSITIVE?

We've been asked to be positive.  And, to surround ourselves in positvity and only by positive people.  Fine.  I am trying.

I am positively in pain.  Again!  

My undiagnosed lower left quandrant is in another cycle of "Well, this could be damaging me interally somehow."  

It keeps going slightly away and coming back to this point.  Right at this moment, it feels like my lower intestine and uterus are being lit aflame and someone is turning a dull corkscrew into my left ovary.

Tylenol doesn't change the pain, and the trial of Bentyl that I have hasn't seemed to effect me yet, if it is at all a spamsmodic reaction.

It is the same as previously, with less upper gut stabbing.  When the upper gut stabbing hit, I went to the ER.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  It was pancreatitis.  This part is extra.

Someone emailed yesterday to ask if I'd consider "childhood abuse" as the cause of my cyclical uterine/colon pain.  Um.  No?  I realize that we are in a community that has a high level of obesity related to abuse, I am not in that segment and I am thankful.

I guess it's time to find another doctor, who may likely shrug their shoulders at me, like the last OB I saw, "What do you want me to tell you?" after he pushed and prodded and told me I probably had fibroids and  "Did anyone ever mention a hernia?"  

Which came after surgery to discover this pain, BEFORE that, that revealed nothing out of the ordinary.

I walk around holding "it."   I lay in bed, lifting up and sitting back, trying to find an indication of an external hernia.  I can't tell.  

It's broken.  Something in my lower left gut/or girl parts is BROKEN, and HAS BEEN since at least December 2010.  I am telling you, if  I  end up gutted like a fish and the doctors find a tumor filled with errant sugar alcohols, I TOLD YOU SO.

I'm just "positive" about it right now because DAMN IT, it hurts.