I am now officially a statistic.
Excellent response. I too have missed me.
Each state is different, in La. alimony is only granted for two reasons: adultery and physical/mental abuse. I could have possibly asked and received alimony, however, it probably wouldn't have been granted due to me being the breadwinner of the family all these years. I'm getting by with little child support from him; but yanno even with the financial changes I'll take today and my feeling better about myself emotionally and mentally any day over living in a broken marriage.
Each state is different, in La. alimony is only granted for two reasons: adultery and physical/mental abuse. I could have possibly asked and received alimony, however, it probably wouldn't have been granted due to me being the breadwinner of the family all these years. I'm getting by with little child support from him; but yanno even with the financial changes I'll take today and my feeling better about myself emotionally and mentally any day over living in a broken marriage.
Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05
9 years committed ~ 100% EWL and Maintaining
www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com
Jeeze Beth. I'm so sorry. I read your blog the other day and thought this is what you were saying but thought I would just shut up until you came right out and said it. I'm far away from you but still have some contacts up there. I also know a Real Estate guy in Bridgewater so if contacting him would help you out I'd be more than happy to do it.
I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand ,
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand
Life is good today. Life is good today.
Hi Beth
I feel for you and I wish I lived closeby (or even in the same country LOL) so that I could visit you, cheer you up or take you shopping (hell, that would be FUN for me to do even!)
But I don't. I live far away. I follow your blog and I feel much respect for you, for how you handle your post up life with all it's difficulties. I respect that you still keep an upbeat attitude and I just wish things were not so hard on you. And now to add this thing to the list, it just seems unfair.
I can offer you no advice because I do not know anything over theer. Seems like moving to a more populated area/city where you have acces to public transport will be a MUST for you if you start your life without him. I do hope he can work with you on that, he surely wants to be close to his kids too.
So no advice just my deep symptahy for you. And a virtual hug from the Netherlands!
Cat
Oh my gosh mm, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I so wish you were in my part of MA - I could help out with the job situation (my company's hiring!) - I'm at Exit 36 off Route 93.
But those who posted about you looking into what your rights are gave good advice. Please do remember that anything you do to advocate for yourself that you are, in turn, advocating for your children.
Most of us who have "been there" have had to swallow a little bit of our pride and do things we'd rather not have had to do. But I don't know anyone (including me) who ever regretted making a more sensible, stable life so that the innocent parties involved (the children) didn't have to suffer.
It is indeed overwhelming and there are no magic answers. But I so respect and admire that you are following your heart. Baby steps for sure.
Sandie
But those who posted about you looking into what your rights are gave good advice. Please do remember that anything you do to advocate for yourself that you are, in turn, advocating for your children.
Most of us who have "been there" have had to swallow a little bit of our pride and do things we'd rather not have had to do. But I don't know anyone (including me) who ever regretted making a more sensible, stable life so that the innocent parties involved (the children) didn't have to suffer.
It is indeed overwhelming and there are no magic answers. But I so respect and admire that you are following your heart. Baby steps for sure.
Sandie
I am sorry to see what you are going through. It brings me back 10 years to when I dissolved an 18 year marriage because we couldn't be together anymore. Left with 9 and 12 year old boys, having been essentially a "stay at home Mom" I was tossed into a huge panic. The option was to stay in a horrible marriage or get out and live my life. So you are obviously at that point and of course faced with other issues including health and the ability or inability to transport yourself places.
You clearly have all of the logistics worked out as far as where you need to live, so you are further along then you think you are. You said it yourself, it's baby steps. When we finally split he totally booked. I didn't get money to pay the bills, the mortage. Heck I pawned my engagement ring to get us through the summer. He left in June and of course the summer loomed ahead of me, no way to pay for any type of summer activity for the kids. So we trudged through the summer and I bided my time until I could get a job. My first job was $10.00 an hour and I was a rich woman! I suddenly found out I did better with my measly $400 a week before taxes then we were doing with his $70,000 a year. Read Gambling problem. FML. Anyhow, fast forward to 10 years later, I went back to college, got my degree, am making in excess of $70,000 a year now all on my own. This isn't a brag or a wow look how well I did. Merely saying that what right now looks like hell and feels like **** really has the potential to change.
As far as the support goes, the other poster said it as well. You need to worry about your kids too, so why not take what you are ENTITLED to. I decided not to take maintenance even after 18 years of marriage because I wanted him to be able to live as well, and didn't want to be selfish. Guess what, he still made the $70,000 a year while I was making $10.00 an hour. I had to beg and plead for him to pay what the divorce and custody settlement asked for. His situation now is unemployed and into ME for $1,500 give or take a few bucks. Karma is a *****
As far as services, food stamps are VERY easy to get, believe it or not. Pride aside, see what you are entitled to. You may be very surprised when you are a one person household with children, what you are entitled to. I work in the Social Services field so I know more about this than I can tell you. you'd be surprised at people who are entitled to what consitutes NPA (non public assistance) food stamps.
Good luck and I wish you a peaceful and minimally painful journey into this new and as of yet unexperienced part of your life.
Donna
You clearly have all of the logistics worked out as far as where you need to live, so you are further along then you think you are. You said it yourself, it's baby steps. When we finally split he totally booked. I didn't get money to pay the bills, the mortage. Heck I pawned my engagement ring to get us through the summer. He left in June and of course the summer loomed ahead of me, no way to pay for any type of summer activity for the kids. So we trudged through the summer and I bided my time until I could get a job. My first job was $10.00 an hour and I was a rich woman! I suddenly found out I did better with my measly $400 a week before taxes then we were doing with his $70,000 a year. Read Gambling problem. FML. Anyhow, fast forward to 10 years later, I went back to college, got my degree, am making in excess of $70,000 a year now all on my own. This isn't a brag or a wow look how well I did. Merely saying that what right now looks like hell and feels like **** really has the potential to change.
As far as the support goes, the other poster said it as well. You need to worry about your kids too, so why not take what you are ENTITLED to. I decided not to take maintenance even after 18 years of marriage because I wanted him to be able to live as well, and didn't want to be selfish. Guess what, he still made the $70,000 a year while I was making $10.00 an hour. I had to beg and plead for him to pay what the divorce and custody settlement asked for. His situation now is unemployed and into ME for $1,500 give or take a few bucks. Karma is a *****
As far as services, food stamps are VERY easy to get, believe it or not. Pride aside, see what you are entitled to. You may be very surprised when you are a one person household with children, what you are entitled to. I work in the Social Services field so I know more about this than I can tell you. you'd be surprised at people who are entitled to what consitutes NPA (non public assistance) food stamps.
Good luck and I wish you a peaceful and minimally painful journey into this new and as of yet unexperienced part of your life.
Donna
"Accountability first to yourself, then nobody else matters"
So tell me more then.
I'm an open book.
We plan to split - I plan to get an apartment - he will stay here. Two households, and HUGE rent seem impossible at this moment. I cannot afford a large enough place for myself and four kids ... $2000 a month.
However -- if the kids keep this address -- and come to me -- does he get hit up for support at all? I know it sounds odd, but he still has to parent these kids anyway, he's not going anywhere, WE just cannot live in the same house.
It just seems unfathomable that he'd have to pay support plus all household bills -- he still has a $2300 mortgage, bills, car, insurances, etc. His bills will not change.
I suppose if I were angry I'd be screaming for support and whatnot, but I can't have him broke. My kids will be living here TOO.
He works full-time, makes a decent wage, and I make okay change from my self-employment. What should I DO first?
I'm an open book.
We plan to split - I plan to get an apartment - he will stay here. Two households, and HUGE rent seem impossible at this moment. I cannot afford a large enough place for myself and four kids ... $2000 a month.
However -- if the kids keep this address -- and come to me -- does he get hit up for support at all? I know it sounds odd, but he still has to parent these kids anyway, he's not going anywhere, WE just cannot live in the same house.
It just seems unfathomable that he'd have to pay support plus all household bills -- he still has a $2300 mortgage, bills, car, insurances, etc. His bills will not change.
I suppose if I were angry I'd be screaming for support and whatnot, but I can't have him broke. My kids will be living here TOO.
He works full-time, makes a decent wage, and I make okay change from my self-employment. What should I DO first?
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