Relationships?

Good Morning all,

My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. One thing that was a major point of tension and fights was weight loss surgery. I haven't had it yet but he hated the idea and was unsupportive. Has anyone else gone through this? I really sad that he couldn't support me...I know its very personal. I just hope I'm not the only one.

WLS is a funny thing. We will attach all sorts of things to it that don't warrant that attachment.....and in fact it can challenge even the best relationships. This is a challenging process even when all the people around us are supportive and in tune. It's doubly hard when the changes that come - not just the physical ones - but the emotional ones (I had to quit eating my anger and really deal with my marriage) - the people around us can be caught offguard. My marriage of 14 years ended. He was supportive of my having surgery as I was very seriously ill......but a year later and 120 pounds down he was jealous and suspicious of anything I did to make myself feel and look better. There were other fundamental problems with our marriage - but I would probably have just suppressed those issues for the rest of my life. You don't say how long you were together....and you look young. I know at the age of 50 that relationships can be tenuous and they always change. You want someone by your side who supports the changes you want to make. Susan

When I first started researching WLS over 8 years ago, my hubby was not supportive to the idea of me having surgery.  He had seen me diet and lose weight and gain it back, diet lose weight, gain it back.  So in his head, I could lose the weight, I just needed to try harder to keep it off.  My weight would go up and down. up and down, until I pretty much had my entire metabolism so screwed up that it became nearly impossible for me to lose a single pound no matter how hard I tried.  All though this time, i just continued to research WLS and learn all I could about it, because there was NO WAY IN HELL i was going to have WLS when my spouse, the person that i would have to depend on to take care of me and help me when I came home from the hospital, was not supporting me.  Once he finally seen how hard I was trying to do the right thing, eat right, exercise and still not losing a damn pound, he decided that he would give me his support.  That was in Feb. 2009, I had my surgery a little over a year later on March 1, 2010.  I am so very thankful that he was not supportive in the beginning, because honestly, I was not ready for the responsibility that  came with this surgery.  The years of researching and learning and personal growth made me much more prepared. 

My husband has been supportive BUT he does ask a lot of questions.

Many of my relationships with "friends" have suffered and sad to say many of those friendships
are no longer there. These people felt the need to constantly belittle my decision and try to sabotage everything I have been trying to accomplish. I cut those ties and I have not looked back since then.

It does sucks that you did not have the support of someone you thought you could rely on, but bear in mind that is only ONE person out of many who can be there for you.

If you and your former boyfriend broke up and that was the reason I am sorry you are hurting but if that is all it took then it wasn't very much of a relationship.  And nope you are not by yourself however I am not one of those who need support I can make my own choices and not need anyone else's approval.  I am my own person.  I did what was right for Linda.  My husband was fine with it but he knew it was damn the torpedoes full speed ahead. I hate to sound sexist here but alot of men like to keep their women overweight they think that it will keep us there so usually once we have the surgery we really become and please no offense to anyone here .....meaner than a junk yard dog.  We stop being people-pleasers and our self esteem is wow look out.  We do not tolerate **** and guys are scared of that.  Please do what is right for you.

I feel its easier now to decide on the right type of surgery. He was convinced lapband was the way to go even with that he didn't want it. How could surgery make someone mad? I just don't get it. I'm feeling better today. Thank you all. He said I would leave him if I lost. Not true I loved him. I'm just sad but I'm strong ill be ok. The more someone tells me not to do something with no good reason I tend to dig my heals in. It's not as if I'm young and haven't tried everything. I was a 240 pound 14 year old. I see why men get insecure but? ? Why friends? My mom says when you change other ppl around you have to change. Maybe she is right. I'm starting to see just how much not just me will change but lots of other things. Wow.

Honey, I know it's hard to feel alone during this process, but I think that you have to be aware that your decisions are for you to make and to live with  I'll bet you will find that you are a lot stronger than you know, and it will definitely change your life.

Best wishes,

My husband was not happy with my decision to get WLS and said a lot of stupid things before I told him:

I am doing this. As my husband, you can either support me or shut up about it. But this constant carping at me to get me to change my mind is not okay with me.

He took a day and then came back and said he'd support me. And he has.

MacMadame I so loved that answer so many times I read "my husband. this and that" and I want to scream at these women hey its your body and your life because all too often there are health issues at least 99% of the time.  And then the husband gets insecure about it.  And realistly alot of the women do leave because we feel hey we no longer have to put up with what we didn't like about our marriages I am sorry if that sounds harsh but its true there are alot of mean spouses out there both husband and wives. My husband knew I was dying in my own skin and was good about it I was one of the lucky ones however I will say that if he had some objections I would have still done it without his support I do what is right for Linda. And then I hear from men oh my wife left me after wls and blame it on that and I say to them hey buddy you must have had other issues like maybe she remembered how you treated her.